When we moved to a new area, I used to make my kids attend such events, because I was thinking like an old person that they would make friends this way. Now everyone is on their phone. It’s not part of their learning that it’s important to make everyone feel included or even that they shouldn’t be on a device at a social event. I stopped making them go because they were the only ones ready to socialize. It is sad but it is what it is. FWIW, I still have the expectation that my kids don’t sit on their phones when company is over. If they have their own plans, they can go do that though.

Woukd you have felt differently if the kids read a book the whole time? Some people just aren't social.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is normal in families where there aren’t boundaries and expectations on behavior. Some families teach their kids how to manage social situations, talk, be engaged, and others let their kids sit on the couch zonked out on a phone. I’m a hs teacher and you can tell the difference. I call the ones whose parents allowed the phone to raise them “blob kids.” They have no interests, no social skills, no conversational skills, nothing. They’re either staring at the phone or, if that’s not allowed, blankly staring into space. It’s sad.

I'm worried about this. I think most of us have phone addiction, myself included. I never use it in social settings, but even among adults it's becoming more common to pull out the phone at parties.

High schools that banned the phone found that the lunch periods were no longer silent. I think we need to go that route.

+1

I have teen stepsons and they and their cousins do this.

I think it is rude and unhealthy but they aren't my kids so I stay out of it.

Common in families who don’t spend time together. Normal- no, not normal. Common, yes, common.
Rude- yes.
Would I want my kids doing this- no.
They find it rude and weird as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At a mixed adult kid party - yes some - especially for age 12-14. They are an uncomfortable and hide in their phones.

“Uncomfortable?” Why? Because you haven’t raised them to be functional humans?

Um - no. I also wrote the previous post - who brought my 14 yo to a party Xmas Eve. It’s the age. They are uncomfortable and self conscious at this age. I haven’t allowed mine to hide in their phones but if allowed I can see how that would happen with this age, is all. My oldest was the same at 14 and now she’s confident and adept in social situations like this. Being uncomfortable isn’t bad, just what it is.

Your high school student is uncomfortable going to a family party at a friend’s house?

It’s one of my adult friends, and her kids, plus some other people/kids she didn’t know at all. My older daughter knows the kids there well but her sister really doesn’t.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's normal but necessary healthy or pleasant.

Take some time to makethem pause and draw them into a live activity or conversation.

Always insist on respectful greetings, introductions, and farewells.

When they retreat to phone, direct them to choose a multiplayer game to play together.

You do not have a kid in middle school. How about leave them home and not bring them to these type of holiday parties? It’s painful for all. There is no reason they need to be there.

So leave them home to stare at screens? No, they need to learn to socialize without screens, especially if other kids are there. They can meet them, of they don't already know them and who knows, they could even become friends!

Who said they would be home on screens? I have a 14 yo. If we went to that party she would probably make plans with her own friends and do something with them. She wouldn’t want to be at a party with our friends, with their kids who might be younger than her and being told by you to go play a game and get off their phones. You think they can all be friends. She thinks you want her to babysit your 12 yo. 14 is a tough age. They won’t just “go play” and make friends with others. Maybe she would hit it off with another girl at the party but chances are they would be on their phones to at least show each other videos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t force my kids to socialize. They can socialize with people they want to and at events they want to be at. This is what would happen as an adult. No forced socializing as an adult. You have the option to walk away.

The problem is forcing your kids into social situations they don’t want to be in. The screens are a way of coping. Adults do it all the time when forced to wait someplace they really don’t want to be.

Then why take your kids? Leave them at home in this kind of situation where they can’t sit in a host’s home staring at their phone, that’s rude as hell and embarrassing on you as the parent.

I don’t take my kids to parties with my adult friends, because they are my friends. It seems many parents think the kids should be friends with their friends’ kids. Why are you forcing them to be at a party they don’t want to be at?

Anonymous wrote:I don’t force my kids to socialize. They can socialize with people they want to and at events they want to be at. This is what would happen as an adult. No forced socializing as an adult. You have the option to walk away.

The problem is forcing your kids into social situations they don’t want to be in. The screens are a way of coping. Adults do it all the time when forced to wait someplace they really don’t want to be.

Then why take your kids? Leave them at home in this kind of situation where they can’t sit in a host’s home staring at their phone, that’s rude as hell and embarrassing on you as the parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t force my kids to socialize. They can socialize with people they want to and at events they want to be at. This is what would happen as an adult. No forced socializing as an adult. You have the option to walk away.

The problem is forcing your kids into social situations they don’t want to be in. The screens are a way of coping. Adults do it all the time when forced to wait someplace they really don’t want to be.

But, if they know the people at the gathering end there are kids there, why would it be forced?

The party was at the adults’ friends’ place. Knowing someone is different than wanting to spend an evening together talking. This wouldn’t even happen if the tweens were good friends, and definitely not with a room full of adults watching and listening. Would the kids ever hangout together on their own? This is the forced social interaction. The host should’ve had a separate space the tweens to hang with an activity.

Ok I can understand where you're coming from, but this is a far cry from when i was a "tween", we'd just go off and hang out without the adults. Yeah, it could be fun if there was an organized activity, but these kids should be able to entertain themselves. I'm curious as to why you wouldn't think they'd hang out on their own?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10-15 years ago the boys this age would be on Xbox at the party. Not too much of a difference.

Very different. A bunch of kids playing on a video game console is actually a very social thing, unless they just silenty stare at the screen. And that long ago, kids would get bored of it and go do something else eventually.

OP said they were playing a game together on their phones.

If that's true, at least there was some sort of balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10-15 years ago the boys this age would be on Xbox at the party. Not too much of a difference.

Very different. A bunch of kids playing on a video game console is actually a very social thing, unless they just silenty stare at the screen. And that long ago, kids would get bored of it and go do something else eventually.

OP said they were playing a game together on their phones.