Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:54     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:Ok so... $250 an hour and you're available to work like 9 to 2 pm? And you need lunch and some time for administering your practice, so you're billing like 4 hours a day, assuming you have enough clients? So 20 hours a week at $250 an hour is $5000 a week, *50 weeks a year, you're grossing $250,000. But then you have your work expenses. And federal, state, and local taxes. So really, your take-home is more like $150,000 a year. Which isn't that much when you have three kids and are paying for daycare and all their activities plus retirement and college savings.

You need to see a financial pro and make sure you have a truly accurate read on your situation.


I plan on asking for him to fully fund health insurance for me and the kids until they're 25, their college and their activities. He's overly generous with the kids, buys them everything they want to make up for working so much I think. If anything I'm worried about him doubling down on that and me being the one who can't give them things.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:52     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
This is OP. I am reading and reflecting on all of this advice and I'm grateful for it. I do roll over in an attempt to keep the peace and obviously that's a problem and something I need to work on to get through this. I just don't want to mess my kids up even more by making this acrimonious. It's hard.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:51     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Ok so... $250 an hour and you're available to work like 9 to 2 pm? And you need lunch and some time for administering your practice, so you're billing like 4 hours a day, assuming you have enough clients? So 20 hours a week at $250 an hour is $5000 a week, *50 weeks a year, you're grossing $250,000. But then you have your work expenses. And federal, state, and local taxes. So really, your take-home is more like $150,000 a year. Which isn't that much when you have three kids and are paying for daycare and all their activities plus retirement and college savings.

You need to see a financial pro and make sure you have a truly accurate read on your situation.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:46     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
I don't think $250k/hour part-time is as much income as you think it's going to be, given how expensive it is to have three kids long-term.

I think you need to get a good lawyer and make sure you get the assets and child support that are rightfully yours. Don't give up money to keep the peace-- that's foolish in the long term. He's leaving you and he can pay up.

Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:43     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. My first priority is that my kids get to see both parents as much as possible. It makes sense, given his schedule, that I see them when he physically can't (during work hours) and he continues to see them for the amount he does now. We mostly divide and conquer on the weekends now. If we adopt this schedule the only thing that changes is I'm not there for bedtime on school nights and he misses one full weekend day. This seems pretty fair?


No. No, no, no. What's changing is that you're no longer able to divide and conquer, so your weekends are becoming quite stressful unless your family helps or you get a sitter. And you're doing a ton of driving back and forth. It's a time-suck-- not so much the drive itself but the getting kids dressed and into the car. It's going to really add up.

Stop protecting this man from the consequences of his CHOICE to have a non-flexible job. Stop treating his job as fixed and unchangeable. Stop thinking he's entitled to see them as much as he does now! I get that you want that for your kids, but it's not something he's entitled to ask of you for his own sake. It's okay for him to experience the consequences of his CHOICE to end his marriage. Clearly seeing his kids as much as possible is not his priority, because if it were, he wouldn't be leaving his wife and he wouldn't be giving you 75% of the weekends. You need to stop telling yourself he's such a good dad.

I'm more okay with this because your financial situation is pretty good, but still-- be mindful of your child support and don't let the where-they-sleep technicality screw you out of what's truly fair.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:33     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
This is OP. My first priority is that my kids get to see both parents as much as possible. It makes sense, given his schedule, that I see them when he physically can't (during work hours) and he continues to see them for the amount he does now. We mostly divide and conquer on the weekends now. If we adopt this schedule the only thing that changes is I'm not there for bedtime on school nights and he misses one full weekend day. This seems pretty fair?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:28     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


Uh, if you're not a troll, obviously see a lawyer at that income level. Why on earth would you be running around between work and chauffeuring the kids when you could probably get a settlement that allows you not to work at all.


I like to work and went to school for a long time to be here. I'm not letting him take that from me.


Reading between the lines, are both of you no longer in love? Your kids are so little and so closely spaced...with your job, it must be your professional judgement that he can't "take responsibility"? How will that work if he has a new gf at his new house and this elaborate custody arrangement? Are you only thinking about a Year 1 solution? If he's a selfish guy, I don't think this arrangement will last a long time. Do your parents have a useful opinion (as other backup caregivers who know your family)?


PP. Oh...so...you will leave the house your kids know. And XH will be there, maybe with new gf at some point. All I can say is that did not work well for my friend. Will you have rules about new partners being around the kids?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:26     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:WFM spouse seems to be doing more work and has no weekends free.

I would just do 50/50.


What does 50/50 look like in this situation? Genuinely asking.


https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/examples-of-50-50-child-custody-schedules.php

Any of these options. It looks like him being with them and managing them on his own while they are awake. And it looks like you giving up quite a bit more of their waking hours, and therefore more of your child support.

50/50 is very normal and you need to get your head around that it is normal, even if it's not what you want or where you end up.


Child support is usually based on how many nights a child spends with a parent, so the OP's plan has the WFH parent doing all the work with very little child support. A 50/50 plan would increase her child support.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:24     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


Uh, if you're not a troll, obviously see a lawyer at that income level. Why on earth would you be running around between work and chauffeuring the kids when you could probably get a settlement that allows you not to work at all.


I like to work and went to school for a long time to be here. I'm not letting him take that from me.


Reading between the lines, are both of you no longer in love? Your kids are so little and so closely spaced...with your job, it must be your professional judgement that he can't "take responsibility"? How will that work if he has a new gf at his new house and this elaborate custody arrangement? Are you only thinking about a Year 1 solution? If he's a selfish guy, I don't think this arrangement will last a long time. Do your parents have a useful opinion (as other backup caregivers who know your family)?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:23     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


ok - first of all you need to get your share of the marital property.

Second of all, why do you want the kids to spend 5 nights/week with him?


If I stay in the home it would make it logistically very challenging for him to see them in the evenings. He'd have to pick them up on his way home from work and then drop them off again. Just seems easier for me to get them from school and have them till bedtime.


Why can't they stay over at his place?

You need to stop catering to this man. Sometimes divorce is what forces them to actually parent, and the kids are better off for it.


I don't want to be in this house anymore. He does parent, that's why I want them to see him every day.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:22     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


ok - first of all you need to get your share of the marital property.

Second of all, why do you want the kids to spend 5 nights/week with him?


If I stay in the home it would make it logistically very challenging for him to see them in the evenings. He'd have to pick them up on his way home from work and then drop them off again. Just seems easier for me to get them from school and have them till bedtime.


Why can't they stay over at his place?

You need to stop catering to this man. Sometimes divorce is what forces them to actually parent, and the kids are better off for it.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:21     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


ok - first of all you need to get your share of the marital property.

Second of all, why do you want the kids to spend 5 nights/week with him?


If I stay in the home it would make it logistically very challenging for him to see them in the evenings. He'd have to pick them up on his way home from work and then drop them off again. Just seems easier for me to get them from school and have them till bedtime.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 15:17     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


Uh, if you're not a troll, obviously see a lawyer at that income level. Why on earth would you be running around between work and chauffeuring the kids when you could probably get a settlement that allows you not to work at all.


I like to work and went to school for a long time to be here. I'm not letting him take that from me.
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 14:39     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


ok - first of all you need to get your share of the marital property.

Second of all, why do you want the kids to spend 5 nights/week with him?
Anonymous
Post 12/15/2024 14:37     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. Sorry at a play with my kids. I left a ton out in an effort for brevity but I can clear some things up, just didn't want to drone on.

I haven't moved out, he's staying in the guest room. Will likely move out after Christmas. He makes over 2 mil a year, we've been married ten years so if I want I can get half, no prenup. I don't want half I just want my kids taken care of. I didn't marry him for money, have begged him to step back at work, obviously he hasn't and this is one of many reasons we're divorcing.

I am a phd level psych and charge $250 an hour. I can work nights if he has the kids. In two years when they're all in school 8-3 I will ramp up my schedule.

We live in a very small town, my parents are local. He's not close to his family (obviously a red flag I missed). The place I want to rent is five minutes from current house and two minutes from kids school and youngest daycare. The driving isn't anything different than I'm currently doing.

He's a good day, just a damaged person who can't accept responsibility for his actions and wants the easy way out. I don't know how his relationship with his kids will develop as they see more but for now it's good and I want to encourage that.


Uh, if you're not a troll, obviously see a lawyer at that income level. Why on earth would you be running around between work and chauffeuring the kids when you could probably get a settlement that allows you not to work at all.