Anonymous
12/20/2024 16:06
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
For every issue she advises she hasn’t experienced ….
I’d advise her that times are now different and you’re handling the best you can.
My mother is like this, grey rock is more effective. Adding any information or energy to the meanness tends to backfire and causes them to escalate.
This
No response is best
Anonymous
12/19/2024 10:56
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’ve decided I’m going to say “how special.” She thinks she is special, that’s the point she’s making, and I’m not clearly being rude. But it makes a point. Thoughts?
I love it. I also like "good for you" said in a flat tone.
But the grey rock poster is correct. I drastically dialed back how much I even tell my MIL. I spent several years treating her how I treat my family. Which means sharing random and mundane things about how we live life. But when I did this with my MIL, it would either become ammunition to hurt us or she'd lecture us on how to live our life better. So I just stopped supplying that information. It worked amazingly well and substantially lowered my stress around her. She's still a difficult person, but I feel less triggered because she really doesn't know that much about me or my kids.
You are completely correct. I so get this. My MIL listens incredibly attentively to the most minor comment and files it away to try to use it against me later. She loves bringing up things I said off the cuff years ago with a nasty spin - think, my friend wanted to get married, she will say oh yeah, that girl who was just so desperate to get married - it’s so incredibly off putting I just don’t talk at all anymore.
Anonymous
12/19/2024 10:20
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP. It feels good to know I’m not alone. My MIL says all these things too.
I just don’t understand why she wants to indirectly put down her own grandchildren.
She's making sure to blame you, not her genes or her son, for any perceived "flaws" in your kids or your parenting.
Anonymous
12/19/2024 10:13
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Op here - I’ve decided I’m going to say “how special.” She thinks she is special, that’s the point she’s making, and I’m not clearly being rude. But it makes a point. Thoughts?
I love it. I also like "good for you" said in a flat tone.
But the grey rock poster is correct. I drastically dialed back how much I even tell my MIL. I spent several years treating her how I treat my family. Which means sharing random and mundane things about how we live life. But when I did this with my MIL, it would either become ammunition to hurt us or she'd lecture us on how to live our life better. So I just stopped supplying that information. It worked amazingly well and substantially lowered my stress around her. She's still a difficult person, but I feel less triggered because she really doesn't know that much about me or my kids.
Anonymous
12/19/2024 10:02
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Op here - I’ve decided I’m going to say “how special.” She thinks she is special, that’s the point she’s making, and I’m not clearly being rude. But it makes a point. Thoughts?
Anonymous
12/18/2024 08:09
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
lol!!! Oh man, it's like they have the same MIL instruction book. "My births were completely pain free....We never had a cat that was so grumpy..."
Her son was her entire life, and now he isn't. He has his own life. It makes her feel better to put down his new life, his wife, his cat, etc.
I will throw myself off a cliff before I do this as a MIL.
Her son was her entire life, and now he isn't. He has his own life. It makes her feel better to put down his new life, his wife, his cat, etc.
I will throw myself off a cliff before I do this as a MIL.
Anonymous
12/18/2024 08:09
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Show her Laura Ramoso's German mother videos
When she makes comments, repeat them in a German accent
In the wild!
(also a fan)
Anonymous
12/18/2024 08:04
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Just laugh and say something non-committal like “sure Jan”
If you want to be more direct laugh and say something equally ridiculous “and I bet you walked to school uphill 3 miles in a blizzard too! Times sure have changed haven’t they!?”
If you want to be more direct laugh and say something equally ridiculous “and I bet you walked to school uphill 3 miles in a blizzard too! Times sure have changed haven’t they!?”
Anonymous
12/18/2024 07:58
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:The person who said go grey rock had great advice. I would personally completely ignore her when she says these things. Act like she’s not even talking or not even there. No acknowledgement at all
Im too much of a direct person and to me, that’s letting her get by with rudeness like how everyone around her is doing. I think it should be pointed out that that is rude or the behavior will go on and on. “Even if that is true, Mary, that is a hurtful thing to say.” “Ouch, Lillian!” “Not helpful, Jane.”
Anonymous
12/18/2024 07:41
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Show her Laura Ramoso's German mother videos
When she makes comments, repeat them in a German accent
I LOVE those videos! So funny. But slightly different than what OP is describing.
Anonymous
12/18/2024 07:29
Subject: Re:How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You don’t really think that other than a direct confrontation that anything you say will change her behavior, right?
Oh absolutely not. And I’d never confront her on it, what would I say? Her husband and kids just ignore so I must ignore. It’s just maddening and inane. And I don’t know if she actually does feel inadequate, I think she feels incredibly superior.
I think we often excuse this with the former. That’s not her issue.
I think I’d have to just spend as little time with her as possible. Your husband will know why and if he doesn’t you can explain it to him.
Anonymous
12/18/2024 07:26
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:
For every issue she advises she hasn’t experienced ….
I’d advise her that times are now different and you’re handling the best you can.
My mother is like this, grey rock is more effective. Adding any information or energy to the meanness tends to backfire and causes them to escalate.
Anonymous
12/18/2024 00:51
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Anonymous wrote:My MIL consistently and persistently says things such as the following:
Noticing the kids have a pimple: “I never had a pimple in my life.”
When babies fuss: “My boys never fussed. They were perfect.”
About herself: “I’ve always had an incredibly flat stomach.”
Daughter is moody: “I’m always in a good mood. My sons were never moody.”
When people have freckles or any kind of blemish: “I’ve never had such a thing. They’re just awful.”
“My guys never had sugar. I made everything from scratch.”
I cannot. I cannot stand her. I have to just mmmmmm, don’t I. There’s nothing else to be said. It’s just so. Hard.
To every comment, I would simply look at her and say, Bull $hit!
Anonymous
12/18/2024 00:36
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
I'd just use 'bored mum' voice with her like you do with toddlers when you are preoccupied as they are chirping along with their observations.
"woooooow.... cooooool"
"That's fun!"
"How neat!"
"Oh, you did, huh? That's greaaaat..."
etc.
"woooooow.... cooooool"
"That's fun!"
"How neat!"
"Oh, you did, huh? That's greaaaat..."
etc.
Anonymous
12/17/2024 12:56
Subject: How to respond to this from MIL?
Show her Laura Ramoso's German mother videos
When she makes comments, repeat them in a German accent
When she makes comments, repeat them in a German accent