NP - I am going to go with the spirit of the thread. What are words you can’t forget.

When my husband (at the time) got drunk and told me that he “f**ked up by choosing me”.

I would like to say that was the beginning of the end, but it was just a greatest hits moment. There were a lot of comments that were made to make me feel like I should be grateful that he was still around (“I should have left you [insert time]”) and I realized that it is not my fault he didn’t make that choice. And staying and making me feel bad was not the high road. So I decided that I would make the decision and leave for myself. We own our choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

I think it's tiresome that you assume we haven't sought professional help and are still carrying it around "like a cross". I can't forget the words, but that doesn't mean I'm still broken by them. Those words were transformative and gave me agency.

Cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

And yet, that is the topic of the thread. If your only contribution is to come on here and invalidate people you are less evolved than you think.

If you have to lash out at me about it because you're triggered, maybe you should take the advice?

And I've contributed in other parts of this thread, so you're wrong there, too. Level up (or stay quiet).

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want to wear hijab as a teenager or college student, and my religious Muslim father would make a disgusted sound (very audible, not under his breath) every single time I left or entered the house.

Compared to his religious peers, that's extremely tolerant. He didn't put you death or physically restrain you.

“I have to know, was this baby an ‘accident?’ “

(My MIL cornering me to ask about my just-announced 3rd/last pregnancy.)

Pivotal moment, 12 years into marriage when I realized MIL was a heartless, mean-spirited, deeply-insecure, problematic person who’d never change. Gray Rocked 6 long years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

And yet, that is the topic of the thread. If your only contribution is to come on here and invalidate people you are less evolved than you think.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

I think it's tiresome that you assume we haven't sought professional help and are still carrying it around "like a cross". I can't forget the words, but that doesn't mean I'm still broken by them. Those words were transformative and gave me agency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

And yet, that is the topic of the thread. If your only contribution is to come on here and invalidate people you are less evolved than you think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Meh. While I agree with the PPs saying it's unlikely the "throw away comments" came from parents who were truly "otherwise loving", carrying your childhood dysfunction like a cross into your adulthood does strongly suggest a need to find a professional to help you put it down.

Yes, that happened to some of us, AND we can let it go and be rid of the weight of it. Adults are responsible for how they behave and react, even if/when it means we need to get help adjusting our behaviors and reactions because we didn't get what we needed as kids. It isn't abusive to point that out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband said that his brother “married up”. I still feel like shit when I think about that.

As opposed to your husband? That’s mean. But I wish that were the meanest my DH had said to me.

After I basically started crying after he said that, he kept saying that wasn't what he meant. She did come from a wealthy family, and she did become a lawyer (breadwinner). He also didn't say "compared to you", but it definitely seems like he thinks his brother got the better end of the stick. I think the exact words were "Larlo was smart, he married up".

NP here. I think you're overthinking this and being too sensitive. The only person he's (maybe, possibly) insulting here is his brother. "Up" from the brother. Not you, not your husband -- the brother.

I don’t necessarily disagree, I’m particular sensitive over being the “black sheep” DIL. She’s the perfect DIL in ways I can never be (culturally) so it just hit extra hard to feel my husband thinking his brother got the better wife. I know I overthink everything though 😂

I didn’t want to wear hijab as a teenager or college student, and my religious Muslim father would make a disgusted sound (very audible, not under his breath) every single time I left or entered the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Agree! That kind of comment only comes from an abuser or someone who desperately needs therapy themselves.

Anonymous wrote:You all need to go to therapy and do deep work on yourselves if you're still gutted from throw away comments from otherwise loving parents

Abusive parent has entered the chat!

Bonus from my head injury; I can forget anything.

One time, this random poster on a mom board I occasionally post to called me "unhinged". Then they pointed out I'd made a typo, and gave my post a laugh react.

I haven't been able to sleep soundly since!