Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 22:21     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:OP here-- thanks for all the follow up and sincere suggestions. We went to therapist yesterday. While he was apprehensive about it at first, he opened up and talked with her privately. We left with an app on his phone called "suicide safety plan" and a paper copy for him to keep in his room. She also gave him a text hotline number to keep in his phone that goes to a teen crisis help line (sometimes texting is easier than calling for kids). He talked with me in the car about it more. Said that he has a fleeting thought when he has a bad moment but it's not often and it scares him that he has the thought. He feels he has a lot worth living for but realizes he gets depressed quickly when things don't go his way or his anxiety stops him from doing something. We don't own guns and have put knives and medicines away. HE even chatted with my husband last night who explained to him that he is also going through a tough time and connects with him and he smiled and seemed relieved to know that we both are there for him. He even said, "you guys are great parents"--- and it was super sincere. We will continue with the therapy, look into meds and continue to keep the door open for him to come to us. I'm glad he has a safety plan in place and resources he agrees are helpful. One day at a time....


One more thought —. Is he in MS? My kid had the most mental health issues in MS because the classes were boring and not challenging and they tend to have a racing mind. So sitting for 7 hours a day on classes with not much to do was horrible for them and they thought about all sorts of stuff. Plus they did all the suicide prevention talks in MS so it was right there at front of mind. By HS, they had challenging classes and were focused more on that, without hours a day to just spiral out with an overactive brain. I don’t know if this rings true for you—just thought I’d share that perspective in case that is helpful.
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 19:57     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:A friend of my sibling lost their teen to suicide. He was a senior. They were literally blindsided. He had no previous experience with mental illness and one day he was gone. This is not something to crowd source DCUM on. Shame on the armchair posters who think they know more than someone with a PhD in psychology (e.g. a therapist).


These stories are terrifying. How can someone hide it so completely?
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 09:27     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
OP here-- thanks for all the follow up and sincere suggestions. We went to therapist yesterday. While he was apprehensive about it at first, he opened up and talked with her privately. We left with an app on his phone called "suicide safety plan" and a paper copy for him to keep in his room. She also gave him a text hotline number to keep in his phone that goes to a teen crisis help line (sometimes texting is easier than calling for kids). He talked with me in the car about it more. Said that he has a fleeting thought when he has a bad moment but it's not often and it scares him that he has the thought. He feels he has a lot worth living for but realizes he gets depressed quickly when things don't go his way or his anxiety stops him from doing something. We don't own guns and have put knives and medicines away. HE even chatted with my husband last night who explained to him that he is also going through a tough time and connects with him and he smiled and seemed relieved to know that we both are there for him. He even said, "you guys are great parents"--- and it was super sincere. We will continue with the therapy, look into meds and continue to keep the door open for him to come to us. I'm glad he has a safety plan in place and resources he agrees are helpful. One day at a time....
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 07:33     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a different opinion. I’m not sure we have evidence that talking about feeling bad helps a person feel better. I would be wary of putting my child with whom I have a close relationship and who has said there’s nothing to worry about into therapy where he will constantly be asked how he’s feeling. Sometimes it’s better for feelings to be pushed down. That’s what humanity has done for thousands of years. We all think about suicide, I did at 14. And guess what, no one could see any search results because they were done at the library or nowhere because no information existed. I would tread very carefully here.


This is not a popular opinion, but I agree with it. There is research that shows that actually focusing on negative feelings, harping on feelings of sadness and depression - which are universal and a part of the human experience- actually make them worse.

Not saying the therapy can't help, just that it is not always needed. It's not some kind of magical cure. There are lots of ways for people to cope with the inevitable difficulties of life, and therapy is not the answer to everything. If he refuses to go, has no interest in therapy, and talks with you, focus on that, and other ways of supporting him.


Interesting. Can you please provide a link to this research?
-not OP
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 04:57     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:Kids with suicidal ideation often put tons of effort into appearing put together, happy, and social with parents and teachers. They don't want anyone to "worry" about them. They also do it so nobody will be alert enough to stop them from attempting, which can happen on a split-second decision after a bad day. I'm not saying this to scare you too much, but to let you know that his demeanor is NOT lowering his risk factor for hurting himself, and may actually be a warning sign. Please take this as deadly serious as if you found a note. Kids often try to explain away their feelings when caught, and will be more careful in covering their tracks if they ever have SI again.



I’m a PP who emphasized to discreetly move things like medicine and firearms. Because it’s so impulsive, and also.. ugh I hope this makes sense because I’m mixing both personal experience and research:

You can have a depressed kid who never takes suicide seriously (but who’s life is influenced horribly by depression) and you can also have a kid who seems fine everyday, but every once in a while breaks down and in these brief moments could hurt themselves.

Both should be treated the same way IMO; therapy, removal of self-harm tools and drugs/alcohol from the home, and also find a doctor willing to try antidepressants)


But you don’t want to scare him from feeling like he can open up again, which is why I was iffy about the “keeping the door open and removing ALL knives rule that another PP mentioned.

But you know your kid best, and after listening to his psychiatrist—you’ll know what’s best.

No doubt though, that you’re doing the best thing by getting him in for more appointments. And you know, dealing with this as a parent is EXTREMELY hard too. It wouldn’t hurt to have an occasional appointment on your own as a way to deal with everything you’re trying to work through. <3
Anonymous
Post 12/06/2024 04:10     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Kids with suicidal ideation often put tons of effort into appearing put together, happy, and social with parents and teachers. They don't want anyone to "worry" about them. They also do it so nobody will be alert enough to stop them from attempting, which can happen on a split-second decision after a bad day. I'm not saying this to scare you too much, but to let you know that his demeanor is NOT lowering his risk factor for hurting himself, and may actually be a warning sign. Please take this as deadly serious as if you found a note. Kids often try to explain away their feelings when caught, and will be more careful in covering their tracks if they ever have SI again.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 22:11     Subject: Re:DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound like a great parent with a wonderful kid. In addition to what you’re doing on the therapy front, I would focus on means prevention—eliminating/hiding from the home anything that could be dangerous. Lock up knives and medicines. If you have a gun, get it out of your house. Hide the car keys. Think of what else you have at home or that your kid has access to that could be used to harm. Have your kid keep his door open when he’s in his room. I know this sounds very scary but studies have shown that means prevention is better than anything else at preventing suicide. And suicide in teens is often impulsive.

My sibling committed suicide as a young adult and I wished we’d known this when we were trying to help them.

Wishing you all the best.


+1 to the bolded.

I’m not trying to scare you OP— but from personal experience with these types of feelings.. it’s so impulsive. Just like his random and short internet searches, it’s impulsivity driven by a feeling (for whatever reason) of intense sadness/stress/hopelessness. It would be a REALLY good idea on top of everything else you’re doing, to discreetly remove/hide these items as much as possible. Especially any firearms and medication.

The door thing.. I’m not sure about that.

You sound like a great Mom to a great kid, I wish you all well <3
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 21:46     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Your kid is not clueless about his dad's sadness and depression. As parents you are in denial about that.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2024 20:30     Subject: DS 14 search how to commit suicide
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:PP. Look down the Google link for episode named "R U OK"


What is that?



PP. R U OK is the name of a podcast episode about how a long distance friend saves a video gaming friend's life in a medical emergency. The podcast series is called "Tell Me What Happened". It's difficult to link to it. It is interesting but not related to teen suicide. The point is that remote friends and video gaming friends can be true sources of support.