How did the date go, OP?

Happily married to a big law partner here. We have watched lots of partners get divorced because they were probably bad partners and parents, but we watched one turn it around, never traveled on Friday to be with his daughter, etc. The divorce was a wake up call for him and I always felt bad for the first wife as the second wife got what the first wife should have. Hopefully you are dated the kind that learned.

Also, re the cheating. It definitely happens. It’s not nearly as bad, especially from the partner to secretary level, that everyone is saying. Drugs and alcohol abuse are way bigger problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They travel. They are matched-up with an Administrative Assistant for travel, and it is assumed they will be having sex.

….on a sad, bad tv show you watched. Sure. In real life, this would pose massive liability issues and so would never ever happen.

It absolutely does happen in real life. Depends on the firm and the culture.

Anonymous wrote:Here are the primary items to consider:

1) Are you an animal lover? Big Law partners often have to sacrifice goats, sheep, etc., to the Lord of Darkness for his favor. So, do not get too attached to any of his "pets."

2) If you start a relationship with him, make sure he bills clients for the time he spends sexually harassing clerks, interns, 1st-year associates.

3) Ensure that he always charges clients for expensive dinners, vacations, and tickets to sports events. In other words, make sure that money never leaves his pocket without a plan to have it reimbursed.

4) Never worry about any request you have being too "kinky" for him. He has done whatever you are interested in, and much worse, when he was on the clock.

Ah yes, the ritualistic hazing of associates, followed up by the dreaded writing off of some of your time.

Anonymous wrote:They travel. They are matched-up with an Administrative Assistant for travel, and it is assumed they will be having sex.

I was a big law litigation paralegal for years and years. Lots of travel. Lots of late nights and close working conditions away from home. Honestly, we couldn’t wait to get away from each other at the end of the day. Big Law partners are more likely to make assistants, paralegals, young associates cry than have sex.

Sex and relationships did happen, but more laterally than partner and assistant. (At one Christmas Party a paralegal love secret love triangle came out in dramatic fashion!)

If you’re ok with never being first priority, it should be fine! It’s one thing to not be priority over someone’s kids, but it’s another feeling to accept that you come after kids and job. At the same time, you need to change things about your life to accommodate his.

-perspective of female in biglaw married to non-atty

Anonymous wrote:I've read approximately 7000 DCUM posts about people complaining of their big law significant others' schedules. I've been talking to a guy for a bit and we're meeting for a first date this weekend. He's a big law partner at a bigger firm. In general, are their schedules as crazy as the juniors? Or have they hopefully paid their dues already?

If you don't know any big law partners well enough to know the answer to this, this isn't going to go anywhere, so don't worry about it.

Anonymous wrote:My DH is amazing husband and father and biglaw partner. Do not worry about that part!

This guy is divorced so why would OP take that part for granted?

My DH is amazing husband and father and biglaw partner. Do not worry about that part!

Here are the primary items to consider:

1) Are you an animal lover? Big Law partners often have to sacrifice goats, sheep, etc., to the Lord of Darkness for his favor. So, do not get too attached to any of his "pets."

2) If you start a relationship with him, make sure he bills clients for the time he spends sexually harassing clerks, interns, 1st-year associates.

3) Ensure that he always charges clients for expensive dinners, vacations, and tickets to sports events. In other words, make sure that money never leaves his pocket without a plan to have it reimbursed.

4) Never worry about any request you have being too "kinky" for him. He has done whatever you are interested in, and much worse, when he was on the clock.

You haven’t even been on one date with the guy.

IME, if a guy is into you, he will make time for you whether he is a biglaw partner, surgeon, investment banker, CEO, etc. If he is not into you, he can be very busy.

I have been married to a biglaw partner for 30 years. He makes a lot of money and is a great husband and father. Everyone likes him. There were years where he was stretched really thin for time, but now in his 50s he has a ton of flexibility and we have plenty of time to travel, eat out, see friends, etc.

Can't you size up a person in a few minutes?

This thread is sad. And I definitely read my share of these sad threads bashing law partners when my DH was an associate. It terrified me.

But the truth is, there are plenty of totally decent law partners, just like there are plenty of totally decent guys in just about any profession.

My DH is now a successful law partner and is also very much a present spouse and father. I also personally know some of his single colleagues who genuinely seem like great guys. So OP, I wouldn't stress about this - at all.

Where did you meet? Sounds like OLD and then maybe texting back and forth for a while. How much time between meeting online and first date?

- curious divorcee, starting to date again, only finding broke and miserable men online