Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear there is a crazy divide between people who live in the suburbs in huge houses and people who live in the city in apartments like me. No gifts is the norm. It's fine.

OP here - I live in a suburb in a big house and we've been to both no gift and no mention of gifts parties and it's very rare for people to bring gifts to no gift parties. People follow rules here. Maybe the nasty PPs are private school moms? Really wealthy moms? I have no idea. This type of nasty behavior is not normal in our upper middle class suburb.

I think the people who insist on gifts are first generation and were raised with a different culture (where gift giving has more meaning) OR were raised poor and therefore feel self-conscious about showing up without a gift. That’s my working theory.

I think you might be onto something with this theory.

Anonymous wrote:Please stop asking this question. If you are invited to a no gift party, you don't bring a gift. Have your child make or fill out a nice card. If they want to give something small that fits in the envelope with the card (we've received a homemade bracelet, an initial crayon, a cute keychain), you can, but they don't have to because the host requested no gifts.

No need to feel sorry for the child, they are either too young to care or this has been discussed with their parent and they are okay with it and whatever alternative their parent provided.

Again, no gift means you don't need to bring a gift.

Says who?

I put "no gifts" b/c my kids already have way too much stuff, not b/c I don't think your gift is worthy. When people bring a gift, we appreciate it and send a thank you note, but in all honesty, I'd rather they gift a gift towards an experience, like getting ice cream or going to the movies.

If you brought my kid a gift I feel awkward but bringing one. Tink of it like a hostess gift. Thanks so much for inviting... I know you don't need anything. It's not like it's a handout.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear there is a crazy divide between people who live in the suburbs in huge houses and people who live in the city in apartments like me. No gifts is the norm. It's fine.

OP here - I live in a suburb in a big house and we've been to both no gift and no mention of gifts parties and it's very rare for people to bring gifts to no gift parties. People follow rules here. Maybe the nasty PPs are private school moms? Really wealthy moms? I have no idea. This type of nasty behavior is not normal in our upper middle class suburb.

I think the people who insist on gifts are first generation and were raised with a different culture (where gift giving has more meaning) OR were raised poor and therefore feel self-conscious about showing up without a gift. That’s my working theory.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I brought a gift to your kid’s party last month but I’m better than you, so no gifts please”

It’s so condescending.

WHAT? This isn't about you, weirdo. Stop taking things so personally.

lol I care way less than how you read my post. But I get it - tone gets lost in these forums. I eye roll and secretly judge no gift invites. But then I adhere to their wishes and move on. To each their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually were attending many of these parties, you would know that in reality that is not what happens

Because people decide to make it about themselves instead of respecting the hosts’ wishes.

Maybe they are making it about the kid!

Because they think they know better than the parents? Yuck.

OP is a clear example that the parents are confused. Read the OP. Apparently gifts that fit on in the envelope with the card are acceptable gifts to a "no-gift" party.

You people are confused.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually were attending many of these parties, you would know that in reality that is not what happens

This.
We abided by the "no gifts" request at a party last year, and then my DD was made to feel guilty by the other girls (8 and 9yos) because she was the only one who did not bring a gift.

Well then your kid has shitty friends. Do better.

Don't assume it was something I could control. It was a party where the entire class was invited and, unfortunately, her closest friends weren't in her class last year. Instead, we had to deal with a pretty nasty group of mean girls. Not a lot I can do about that. Oddly enough, none of the boys seemed to care, including the birthday kid. Just the girls. Maybe their parents should "do better".

It’s so weird this is an internet only debate. 75% of the time in my children’s experiences the invite says no gifts. Maybe one or two kids might come with gifts- I think that’s likely because the family missed that it said no gifts.

No one is this judgmental in real life thank god.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I swear there is a crazy divide between people who live in the suburbs in huge houses and people who live in the city in apartments like me. No gifts is the norm. It's fine.

ha, thank you! I was scrolling this feeling totally mystified and thinking the same thing - we live right downtown in DC and have a 7 yo and a 6 yo and have…literally *never* brought or received gifts at parties for either kid or their friends.

But we have a great school community and the parties are always joyful and cupcake-ful and I am positive that none of these kids are aware that parties are, for kids just a few miles away, this crazy fraught gift haul with (apparently?) parents glowering at each other from across the scene.

Yeah, our parties are huge. All kids (classmates, family, friends, neighbors) and parents and siblings are also invited. Cake, pizza, icecream, mac and cheese, nuggets are served, as well a sumptuous hot meal (usually ethnic) is also served for those who would like something more than cake, pizza etc. We also serve adult beverages for the adults. Finally, we also have some paid entertainment, activity, goody bags, servers, bartenders etc.

At least the people from our community will give a card with a gift to the kids. No gifts will just translate to putting a generous check in the card.

We will be embarressed to serve only cupcakes at a party. What kind of poor people are posting on DCUM?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its rude to put no gifts on an invite. PSA to you.

That’s a very Emily Post, old fashioned attitude. It’s not rude. Nobody wants more crap and I am fine with more and more people deciding not to participate in this farce where parents rush to target the morning of the party to pick out some Marvel junk or else dig around their badger present closet for something they bought on clearance because it’s outdated.

Am I the only one who doesn't understand this? I do like badgers.

I have never heard of a badger present closet or any type of present closet for that matter. Do people have closets where they stock up on extra gifts to give? This must be a wealthy mom thing. I have a big house, but I don't enough closet space for a badger present closet!!

Anonymous wrote:I swear there is a crazy divide between people who live in the suburbs in huge houses and people who live in the city in apartments like me. No gifts is the norm. It's fine.

OP here - I live in a suburb in a big house and we've been to both no gift and no mention of gifts parties and it's very rare for people to bring gifts to no gift parties. People follow rules here. Maybe the nasty PPs are private school moms? Really wealthy moms? I have no idea. This type of nasty behavior is not normal in our upper middle class suburb.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually were attending many of these parties, you would know that in reality that is not what happens

This.
We abided by the "no gifts" request at a party last year, and then my DD was made to feel guilty by the other girls (8 and 9yos) because she was the only one who did not bring a gift.

Well then your kid has shitty friends. Do better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you actually were attending many of these parties, you would know that in reality that is not what happens

Right?

No gifts actually means that a gift card or check is prefered.

WHAT? No, absolutely not. If this is what you think is true then you have SERIOUS problems. Wow. Just wow.

Anonymous wrote:“I brought a gift to your kid’s party last month but I’m better than you, so no gifts please”

It’s so condescending.

WHAT? This isn't about you, weirdo. Stop taking things so personally.