Anonymous
10/22/2024 22:15
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.
Does he have a sexual harassment claim?
Honestly, this would be only be an issue if he is smaller with his manhood and would cause mental anguish to perform his job due to everyone thinking lowly of him. This would affect his self-esteem and confidence at work so I say Yes to claim.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:25
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to him being gay?
This does not matter.
Maybe they see something he’s denying.
Who cares? It is not a manager or co-workers place to have any opinion and voice it, especially in a suggestive way, on a co-worker's sexuality.
Basement bro, is this you? Just trying to stir the pot?
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:08
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to him being gay?
This does not matter.
Maybe they see something he’s denying.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:08
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to him being gay?
DP. Great question.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:08
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Is there any truth to him being gay?
This does not matter.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:06
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Yes. He can report this if he wants to and then they can take the appropriate action with this person. Since this was a one time thing, what will likely happen will be the other person will get a "don't do that again" and maybe there will be a mass email reminding people what constitutes sexual harassment/inappropriate comments in the workplace or maybe an office wide meeting.
If it keeps happening, that's where more things can come of it.
This is exactly what will happen.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 21:05
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.
Does he have a sexual harassment claim?
I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.
And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities
OP are you drunk?
I think you must be the drunk one. That was not OP. You can't read, are the words blurred together? Are you slurring when you talk? Get help. This isn't normal.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:56
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
If it makes him uncomfortable he should absolutely report this to HR.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:43
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Is there any truth to him being gay?
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:27
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
While it would be reasonable to report to HR, it's not really actionable in any way that your DH couldn't address himself. He should just say and write to the person, 'hey, I did not appreciate being called twink. Please don't do it again' 99 times out of a hundred, that will do the job.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:22
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.
Does he have a sexual harassment claim?
I’d argue it’s not a “derisive” term, but it’s still a comment on appearance that isn’t appropriate for the work place. If your husband was bothered by this, he’s within his rights to file a harassment complaint.
And then he can see how well he fares for future advancements opportunities as a straight white man having filled a harassment claim against a company composed primarily of minorities
OP are you drunk?
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:21
Subject: Re:DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:So many peoople think that because gay men are part of a protected class that they can just get away with this behavior. I am a white woman and was subjected to emotional abuse and physcial threats by a gay male HR manager, but just had to put up with it because of my boss's bias for white gay men. Horrific. He should absolutely document this, OP, in case it keeps happening.
+1 my DH was sexually harassed and assaulted by his former boss. When he told HR (other people saw / heard some instances) they basically said they couldn’t do anything because she was a WOC. She also showed up to our house a couple of times. It was really weird/ uncomfortable.
She ended up getting another job and moving but nothing was done- nothing in her HR file, no firing, no classes, nothing. My DH applied elsewhere too and thought about quitting without another job but we needed the money (had a baby).
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:13
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My straight, white, moderate DH works in an extremely diverse office space. Half the employees are POC, a solid third are gay. He has taken plenty of friendly ribbing for the last two years, but on Friday and yesterday one gay male manager (who is a known bully) referred to my DH as a twink. For those not in on gay slang it is a derisive term to describe smaller, clean cut men. Sometimes it is used as a term of sexual interest akin to calling a woman a sexpot. Either way it is wholly offensive.
Does he have a sexual harassment claim?
Only if it prevented his advancement or ability to do his job.
I don’t think that’s the test. Women who are sexually harassed face unwanted advances which this could be construed as
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:12
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
Anonymous wrote:Interesting that your husband counts the number of his POC and gay co-workers. Says a lot about him. “Moderate?” Yea, sure . . .
The writer is giving context to the organization/ office.
No different than people who say they are the only female in a male dominated field or say something happened at work and the majority of people on the meeting etc were men. It gives context to that if brought up that other men might not see the big deal, etc.
Anonymous
10/22/2024 20:10
Subject: DH Was Called a 'Twink'
He should speak to HR. Also he should document anything and document if he gets retaliated against for bringing it to HRs attention. Check out ask a manager she’s good at things like this.