Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you're exceptional? You're describing most fathers.

Compared to the fathers i know in real life, not really. Compared to what i see discussed here, yes. And I guess it’s not really a fair sample of course because most people come here to complain because why post if everything is going well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other people think you are a great husband and father too?

The other piece of this story is that my first wife died when my kids were very young. After she died people gave me a lot of credit because I had both kids, essentially two toddlers, by myself. In that period when I had young kids but wasn’t dating (5 years) I got quite a lot of recognition. This was quite a while ago now though, and I have since remarried a new and wonderful woman 😊. But I think people generally viewed me as a good father and husband before I was a solo parent as well.

Oops, forgot to add I’m widowed. Yeah just pick whichever wife for my previous long fake comment in how she planned my whole life and what we’re doing for years and years. Yeah.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you a great husband and father while your first wife was alive?

Yes although her death forced me to take on elements of parenting that weren’t my specialty. For example, she was very warm and loving and physically affectionate. Lots of hugging snuggling kissing etc. That wasn’t naturally the way I was with the kids but after she was gone I noticed how much that was missing and started doing more of that. Also being alone made me realize I can literally do everything by myself, and some things I wish had done more of when she were alive. For example she was more organized when it came to calendars and scheduling so she did more of that, but taking on that role solo I realized I can and should’ve been doing more of that all along.

My husband is also a DCUM unicorn so I believe you are real.

I am not in any way discounting your self-proclaimed status but I think you should have led with the circumstances that led you to your current situation. I think having lost your first wife at a young age and having to be a single dad for years has shaped the kind of husband you are now.

My husband and I were both married before, although neither of us had any kids in our first marriage. I think that made us so much more grateful for each other than we would have been had we met when we were younger and never married. We don't take things too seriously because we're just so grateful to have found each other and built the life we wanted after some initial missteps.

My best friend and her husband endured a tragic loss of triplets when they were younger and have now found an amazing zest for life and joyful attitude that life is wonderful and their marriage is rock solid. I don't know if they'd be the same had they not gone through that horrible experience, but I can't imagine they would be. So while their marriage is one to envy, their path is not, and I think it would be impossible to replicate their situation.

So, all that to say, I'm glad you're a great husband and father. Having my own one of those I know how unbelievably lucky I am. But I also know that sometimes that is forged out of hardship and I think that makes it all a bit more complicated than saying here are some tips anyone can do to be a better spouse or parent.

That all rings true to me. I think your perspective of just being grateful is very much how I approach the world now. I see how fragile it all is and how temporary it all is so I’m just grateful that some things have worked out well. I just posted this because I read so much negativity about husbands I always think about how I would’ve handled things differently than the descriptions of DH I see on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think you're exceptional? You're describing most fathers.

Compared to the fathers i know in real life, not really. Compared to what i see discussed here, yes. And I guess it’s not really a fair sample of course because most people come here to complain because why post if everything is going well.

Anonymous wrote:Would your wife and childreen afree that you are a great husband and father?

And because nobody is perfect .
What would they say your flaw is?

And finally, why do you come to DCUM pretending to be different male characters? 2 weeks ago you were lovely confident cad of a single guy, and today you are perfect husband emotionally aware husband with tragic story to go? Are you trying out an AI version of the perfect man?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do other people think you are a great husband and father too?

The other piece of this story is that my first wife died when my kids were very young. After she died people gave me a lot of credit because I had both kids, essentially two toddlers, by myself. In that period when I had young kids but wasn’t dating (5 years) I got quite a lot of recognition. This was quite a while ago now though, and I have since remarried a new and wonderful woman 😊. But I think people generally viewed me as a good father and husband before I was a solo parent as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you always been this good or was there a learning curve? I'm wondering if you had to work and invest time into becoming a great, involved partner and dad or if it just came naturally.

Oh wow another good question. No there actually was a big learning curve in many ways. I got married young, at 25, and I was pretty immature in a variety of ways. For one, I wasn’t comfortable with myself sexually and I think I relied too much on alcohol or THC to be comfortable enough to have sex. At the beginning of our relationship I wasn’t very forward thinking, and didn’t have a big plan in place for the future in terms of kids, a house, choosing a place to live, saving money, etc. Luckily for me my wife was very organized at this time and due to a rough childhood with family and financial issues she was very attuned to that stuff. She basically created the life plan which we are living today, and she had that all planned out in our late 20s, which I am very thankful for.

I think the conflict piece was already in place because I’ve always been good at controlling my emotions and not overreacting and we never really had big fights or arguments.

The being a father part did take work. I felt like with babies I just didn’t know how to stop the crying when our kid was colicky and that really made me frustrated and felt like I wasn’t a good parent. The same thing happened with my son when he was 2-3. He was very difficult, always upset about something and I would get so frustrated. There were a lot of moments when I felt very much less than. It took a lot of time and practice and trial and error for me to find myself as a father and to come at these difficult situations from a place of love and humility.

Also the worrying about health piece with the kids needed some work. When I felt like I perhaps made the wrong decision about taking kids to the doctor or not, or maybe I did something to get them sick, that would cause me a lot of anxiety. But I have worked to get that under control and it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the opposite of everything I read about on here. I have fantastic relationships with my kids and I am a great partner. I am very in touch with my emotions and have very good self control. I manage my emotions very well during times of stress or disagreement with my partner. When we do have conflicts they do not become highly charged and emotional. I assume she is coming from a place of love and good intentions and the disagreement ends up being productive and making us stronger. Ask me anything.

6:17am!! You missed your workout!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your daily routine look like for childcare and household tasks?

This can vary a bit. My wife has older kids, one in college, and when she is around on breaks and stuff she participates a good deal in our day to day and helps out with my kids. I do the majority of stuff relating to my kids though and my wife helps.

Give us the breakdown day to day what do you do?

5-6:30 workout and prep my day
6:30-8 prep kids day
8-5 work
5-9 dinner, hw, 2 nights each week the kids have sports or activities
9-11 clean up, if I have time do something for one of my hobbies or projects or watch show

My wife helps out with some of that when she can but she has her own child in HS still and her own full time job.

So you’re a divorced father with your 2 or so kids 100% of the time? Or 50% of the time?

And your second wife has a teen child some or all of the time too?

Why wouldn’t you include this info in your Op? It’s basic background.

Troll

Anonymous wrote:Do other people think you are a great husband and father too?

Anonymous wrote:I am the opposite of everything I read about on here. I have fantastic relationships with my kids and I am a great partner. I am very in touch with my emotions and have very good self control. I manage my emotions very well during times of stress or disagreement with my partner. When we do have conflicts they do not become highly charged and emotional. I assume she is coming from a place of love and good intentions and the disagreement ends up being productive and making us stronger. Ask me anything.

Anonymous wrote:I am the opposite of everything I read about on here. I have fantastic relationships with my kids and I am a great partner. I am very in touch with my emotions and have very good self control. I manage my emotions very well during times of stress or disagreement with my partner. When we do have conflicts they do not become highly charged and emotional. I assume she is coming from a place of love and good intentions and the disagreement ends up being productive and making us stronger. Ask me anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your daily routine look like for childcare and household tasks?

This can vary a bit. My wife has older kids, one in college, and when she is around on breaks and stuff she participates a good deal in our day to day and helps out with my kids. I do the majority of stuff relating to my kids though and my wife helps.

Give us the breakdown day to day what do you do?

5-6:30 workout and prep my day
6:30-8 prep kids day
8-5 work
5-9 dinner, hw, 2 nights each week the kids have sports or activities
9-11 clean up, if I have time do something for one of my hobbies or projects or watch show

My wife helps out with some of that when she can but she has her own child in HS still and her own full time job.

Anonymous wrote:What is your sex life like?

Anonymous wrote:Is your wife on DCUM too?