First, I am deeply against cuts to medicaid, but also deeply against people putting their parents in medicaid facilities to protecting inheritances. People who jump to medicaid look back here should realize that medicaid beds often suck, and the idea of putting my mom in a medicaid bed just so I could get her money when she dies is gross, especially when so many people dont have another option.

Second, Your BIL needs to chill. Its not his money. Hopefully your husband has POA.

Third, how long will your FIL live, realistically? I know its hard to predict but it may be a moot point. I would instead focus on what happens with MIL when FIL passes away and work backwards from there. If she is considering a CCRC, look into whether she can move into that and he can move into its memory care wing. Not for financial reasons but because it will be good for her to have some social life established now.

But, it seems that for now, finances are stable so I would really see how fast your FIL is declining and go from there. I would absolutely sell a vacation home to fund care, but I would also not do anything to extend the life of a dementia patient once they have hit stage 6.

on another but related note, when we did our will and trust, we specified that our family home was to be sold and assets divided . Our estate lawyer said that inheriting real estate was the subject of so many family disputes between heirs. Your mom should consider updating her will and trust.

Is BIL your ILs caregiver?

Anonymous wrote:Update: financial planner believes that there is no need to consider selling vacation house for 4-5 years and that they have the assets to continue with FiL remaining at home for at least four years, probably five. MiL is greatly relieved as is DH. Puts off the issue and, ideally, may never be an issue.

Thanks for all the feedback. Appreciate the insights and suggestions.

I love how your financial planner can predict people's health and life span. Amazing!

Update: financial planner believes that there is no need to consider selling vacation house for 4-5 years and that they have the assets to continue with FiL remaining at home for at least four years, probably five. MiL is greatly relieved as is DH. Puts off the issue and, ideally, may never be an issue.

Thanks for all the feedback. Appreciate the insights and suggestions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH buys your your BIL now, and if the vacation house is around when MIL dies, BIL is still going to expect "his half" of the house from the estate. Mark. My. Words.

I think your message got jumbled - are you saying if DH buys house and pays out BiL now, he will still expect his half from the vaca house from the estate if there are still assets to divide?

Yes. That's what I'm saying. It makes no sense and he's not entitled to it (legally or morally) but people are not rational when it comes to this stuff. We are going through it now with family members and it's ugly.

I'm so sorry that is happening. We're just conjecturing that could happen based on experiences with similar issues. DH really doesn't want it to get ugly as it is only sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH buys your your BIL now, and if the vacation house is around when MIL dies, BIL is still going to expect "his half" of the house from the estate. Mark. My. Words.

I think your message got jumbled - are you saying if DH buys house and pays out BiL now, he will still expect his half from the vaca house from the estate if there are still assets to divide?

Yes. That's what I'm saying. It makes no sense and he's not entitled to it (legally or morally) but people are not rational when it comes to this stuff. We are going through it now with family members and it's ugly.

Anonymous wrote:If your DH buys your your BIL now, and if the vacation house is around when MIL dies, BIL is still going to expect "his half" of the house from the estate. Mark. My. Words.

I think your message got jumbled - are you saying if DH buys house and pays out BiL now, he will still expect his half from the vaca house from the estate if there are still assets to divide?

Anonymous wrote:This is a a trusts and estates exam question

haha - the answer seems clear to me. All the cash and real estate assets were used to pay for ILs' care, so there is nothing remaining for the children. While the vacation house may remain in the family, it is only because DH bought it and is no longer jointly inherited, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like BIL understands how this works and is trying to get what he can while there's still five years of money left. And your DH is clueless and will end up holding the bag.

Certainly, BIL sounds selfish and entitled. No one can know in advance how it will go at the end, including expected inheritance -- unless, of course the young and healthy actually deny medical care, if needed, to the old and sick.

Sounds like BIL needs to be reminded that all inheritance is contingent of the needs of the living, as long as they are alive.

I don't see BiL/SiL ever wanting to deny care, though do think there is selfishness/entitlement. What I can see unfolding - DH has even alluded to it - is that we buy the house in order to use the proceeds to pay for ILs' care. We exhaust those funds and need to contribute our own. Then, when MiL passes away, BiL/SiL assert they should receive their share of the house proceeds, not acknowledging that the money was already spent on ILs' care. They are successful professionals in their field, but can be irrational/illogical over these kinds of matters.

If your DH buys your your BIL now, and if the vacation house is around when MIL dies, BIL is still going to expect "his half" of the house from the estate. Mark. My. Words.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn’t the mom putting the house on the market herself?

WHo knows -- maybe because she still thinks she'll hand it down to her children someday. Maybe she doesn't want to think about needing the $$ from the proceeds of the house for her or her husband's care.

MiL is not yet ready to sell. She enjoys going there when she can and would like to keep it in the family if possible.

There is not yet an urgent need for funds, so there is no reason to sell at this time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP - thanks for the responses here. For now, there is plenty of money but there is a chance that they could burn through it all if MiL lives a long time. She will not be willing to live in a Medicaid bed, so I'm anticipating that all the funds - possibly some of ours - could go to support her at some point.

BiL is not always the most logical individual, somewhat vocal on how he expects an inheritance, and has been hellbent on how he is owed half the vacation house proceeds immediately. I see DH wrestling with this, so appreciate the feedback.

My parents both received Medicaid for their LTC. There were fortunate to have better facility options than what is ILs' hometown.

Thanks again.

She should not live in a medicaid bed so her son can have an inheritance. The $$ is hers to spend on herself first!!

Concur. If her funds are exhausted, it will fall on us to finance. I can't imagine that BiL will even agree to a proportional contribution to her care.

FTR, she wouldn't be able to receive Medicaid if she still had assets.

Anonymous wrote:Stop. Op, you said DH and BIL have a decades old agreement about potential house proceeds once DH buys it? Is that agreement in writing? I can see BIL relying on that agreement over the course of 10 years. DH needs to address that agreement with BIL.

They do not have an agreement. FiL/MiL will spells out that the vacation house is split in half and if one wants to sell, then the other has to buy out or agree to sale.

This section of the will is only about a decade old and was done at the request of BiL/SiL after years of nagging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's about $10K per month per person, OP for quality care. Which means either supplementing private duty care if they are in a large for-profit place like Sunrise, or going with quality care in the home. If your parents have that much in assets, it sounds like they'd be fine until they are over 100. Your BIL might not like it, though.

Not sure how much longer FiL will hang on, perhaps another year. MiL will probably want to remain at home as long as she can, then pivot to a quality CCRC when she is no longer able to drive but wants to remain social.

You won't get your FIL into a CCRC if he cannot enter in Independent living. Same for MIL.

So the ship may have sailed on getting them into the same place, unfortuantley

Yes, understand. Thought I was clear that MiL would probably pivot to a CCRC after FiL passes. I can imagine, barring a fall or accident, that MiL will be ambulatory and able for some time. She easily operates in probably top decile for her age.

The mom should sell her real estate herself to keep the peace between her children. Your dh will be on “the hook” in his brother’s eyes forever if dh sells the house.