Teacher here. Why are these my only choices?

Anonymous wrote:2 distinct parent profiles are over represented at certain schools we are looking at.

(1) Very wealthy couples, often with family money, who outsource everything and remain slightly detached from their kids. Have a lot of money so not hyperfocused on school, but definitely still want the kids to get into good colleges (which they will especially with their connections). Competitive about money and status.

(2) Scrappy, invested parents, who manage every aspect of kids lives and are very involved with parenting. Still rich but not generational wealth. Competitive about parenting and their kid’s success.


Which group would be more annoying to be around long term?

teacher here. Except a family can be wealthy and over invested or scrappy and aloof at the same time.
wealth has nothing to do with how involved a family is.

OP, I imagine that most DMV private schools have both populations you describe, plus the more balanced-engaged parent group.

I recommend reframing your question. It's not a simple matter of which schools have more populations of 1 and 2, but rather how the schools handle those families.

In schools with weak leadership, the balanced parents tend to get drowned out by the other groups. Students with 1 and 2 parents tend to get in better classes, access to leadership roles, and other opportunities. They also tend to avoid discipline and consequences for poor behaviors. Also if teachers have weak leaders, they tend to cave to parents because their superiors don't have their backs.

If the school's culture is disproportionately focused on fundraising over education quality, these problems are magnified dramatically. Big donors and VIP kids are untouchable. It's pretty gross. The interesting thing is that the students are much more savvy to those social capital realities than parents tend to be. As you are considering schools, it's important to try to find students who are willing to be honest with your kid.