Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

Wow, I was so curious as I was reading the comments.

This dress is gorgeous. Please don't kill it with sneakers.

And absolute, HARD NO to Crocs.

This dress calls for ballet-type shoes. Surely she can get through a wedding wearing those?

You are aware that Crocs makes ballet-flat types of shoes in a variety of styles, right?

Here’s just one example. I’m curious about your “HARD NO” — especially when the alternatives include Converse Hi-Tops.



https://www.zappos.com/p/womens-crocs-brooklyn-flat-black-high-shine/product/9972430/color/1069953

Anonymous wrote:You all are making some ridiculous excuses. Do you not recognize the difference between a barmitzvah, red carpet event or high school homecoming (where sneakers are the norm) and an actual black tie event? The norms of black tie have not changed that much; the expectation is still formal, not sneakers. Grown men and women are not wearing sneakers to black tie weddings “just because”.

Neither should OPs daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What medical condition does she have that requires “ankle support?”

Not OP. Not relevant to the thread. If you're curious about conditions that require "ankle support", google it or start a new thread.

I'm a NP and think the question is relevant because OP said her DD has "weak ankles" and needs ankle support and that's why she's looking at sneakers.

I'm with the (surprisingly few) posters who think you respect the dress code and don't wear sneakers. There are plenty of non sneaker options with support and that would look appropriate at black tie. Your hosts asked you to respect their dress code; it's polite to do so, and it's not like it is a great hardship or morally offensive to you to do so. Age 13 is old enough to understand this and understand that sometimes you don't get to do what you want in life.

Go buy her a pair of orthotic ballet flats or whatever. Not expensive. https://www.aerosoles.com/collections/sale-flats/products/catalina-2

We all think she should respect the dress code. Wearing a nice dress with sneakers is a totally acceptable adjustment and does not violate the dress code. Especially for a 13 year old who would not be expected to have formal footwear anyway!

She's 13 and not 8. She doesn't need "formal footwear" but she needs something without a white rubber sole and laces. There is no world where sneakers are "a totally acceptable adjustment" that does not violate a black tie dress code. You're stretching to justify this.

If you want to be someone who obviously disregards the dress code, that's fine. People do it all the time. But acknowledge that that's what you're doing.

I think there's a very easy, very obvious, non offensive, and inexpensive way to abide by the dress code (cheap, supportive ballet flats or mary janes). And it's one that could serve as a teaching moment to daughter while you are at it. I can't imagine a kid by age 13 not being able to accept this message from their parent without push back. "We wear different clothes for a wedding than for school". If kid pushes back, you have bigger problems.

She’s 13, exactly. A child. Of course a child can wear comfortable shoes. Anyone offended by that is the one who is stretching, and looking for reasons to be insulted.

Nowadays the “rules” for footwear are changing anyways as people (both men and women) realize it is silly to squeeze your feet into uncomfortable dress shoes. Most younger people are viewing footwear as something that needs to be functional or at the very least, not harmful.

Cheap flats are not a solution if the goal is ankle support, but that is beside the point.

I see this as a teaching moment too, one where we talk about what the real point of a dress code is, why it is important to be respectful, and how we will accomplish that through her complete look AND appropriate behavior at the ceremony and reception. Plus, an opportunity to validate her in listening to her body and making a responsible choice to not exacerbate an existing problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What medical condition does she have that requires “ankle support?”

Not OP. Not relevant to the thread. If you're curious about conditions that require "ankle support", google it or start a new thread.

I'm a NP and think the question is relevant because OP said her DD has "weak ankles" and needs ankle support and that's why she's looking at sneakers.

I'm with the (surprisingly few) posters who think you respect the dress code and don't wear sneakers. There are plenty of non sneaker options with support and that would look appropriate at black tie. Your hosts asked you to respect their dress code; it's polite to do so, and it's not like it is a great hardship or morally offensive to you to do so. Age 13 is old enough to understand this and understand that sometimes you don't get to do what you want in life.

Go buy her a pair of orthotic ballet flats or whatever. Not expensive. https://www.aerosoles.com/collections/sale-flats/products/catalina-2

We all think she should respect the dress code. Wearing a nice dress with sneakers is a totally acceptable adjustment and does not violate the dress code. Especially for a 13 year old who would not be expected to have formal footwear anyway!

She's 13 and not 8. She doesn't need "formal footwear" but she needs something without a white rubber sole and laces. There is no world where sneakers are "a totally acceptable adjustment" that does not violate a black tie dress code. You're stretching to justify this.

If you want to be someone who obviously disregards the dress code, that's fine. People do it all the time. But acknowledge that that's what you're doing.

I think there's a very easy, very obvious, non offensive, and inexpensive way to abide by the dress code (cheap, supportive ballet flats or mary janes). And it's one that could serve as a teaching moment to daughter while you are at it. I can't imagine a kid by age 13 not being able to accept this message from their parent without push back. "We wear different clothes for a wedding than for school". If kid pushes back, you have bigger problems.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

Wow, I was so curious as I was reading the comments.

This dress is gorgeous. Please don't kill it with sneakers.

And absolute, HARD NO to Crocs.

This dress calls for ballet-type shoes. Surely she can get through a wedding wearing those?

You are aware that Crocs makes ballet-flat types of shoes in a variety of styles, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

Wow, I was so curious as I was reading the comments.

This dress is gorgeous. Please don't kill it with sneakers.

And absolute, HARD NO to Crocs.

This dress calls for ballet-type shoes. Surely she can get through a wedding wearing those?

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I can't find her exact dress online, but it's fine for a 13 year old. Sort of like this but a little liver and a little higher cut neckline with more substantial shoulders
https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-off-the-shoulder-tea-length-chiffon-lace-homecoming-dress-with-beading-022170654-g170654

That's freaking beautiful!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What medical condition does she have that requires “ankle support?”

Not OP. Not relevant to the thread. If you're curious about conditions that require "ankle support", google it or start a new thread.

I'm a NP and think the question is relevant because OP said her DD has "weak ankles" and needs ankle support and that's why she's looking at sneakers.

I'm with the (surprisingly few) posters who think you respect the dress code and don't wear sneakers. There are plenty of non sneaker options with support and that would look appropriate at black tie. Your hosts asked you to respect their dress code; it's polite to do so, and it's not like it is a great hardship or morally offensive to you to do so. Age 13 is old enough to understand this and understand that sometimes you don't get to do what you want in life.

Go buy her a pair of orthotic ballet flats or whatever. Not expensive. https://www.aerosoles.com/collections/sale-flats/products/catalina-2

We all think she should respect the dress code. Wearing a nice dress with sneakers is a totally acceptable adjustment and does not violate the dress code. Especially for a 13 year old who would not be expected to have formal footwear anyway!

She's 13 and not 8. She doesn't need "formal footwear" but she needs something without a white rubber sole and laces. There is no world where sneakers are "a totally acceptable adjustment" that does not violate a black tie dress code. You're stretching to justify this.

If you want to be someone who obviously disregards the dress code, that's fine. People do it all the time. But acknowledge that that's what you're doing.

I think there's a very easy, very obvious, non offensive, and inexpensive way to abide by the dress code (cheap, supportive ballet flats or mary janes). And it's one that could serve as a teaching moment to daughter while you are at it. I can't imagine a kid by age 13 not being able to accept this message from their parent without push back. "We wear different clothes for a wedding than for school". If kid pushes back, you have bigger problems.

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just buy her a new formal dress that fits, wtf?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strictly speaking a young teen shouldn’t be in a full length dress anyway. It’s age inappropriate, at least by old WASPy standards (like putting a toddler in a tux).

My 3 yr old nephew LOVES wearing his bowtie. He looks outrageously adorable in it. He's an excellent dancer and loves to toast people too - honestly, everyone should invite him to their wedding.

What SHOULD a young teen be in at a black tie wedding by old WASP standards?

Op here, echoing the question.