Anonymous wrote:This is a good question to DCUM crowdsource, actually. Let’s say your kid is a serious player. Let’s say they are very good but relative to comparable peers, aren’t playing that much. Let’s say coaches have no true feedback despite requests. Let’s say you are not a player yourself. Who can help sort out what is going on? Is it coach bias, or a real gap?

FWIW, I think parents of players who get all the minutes are also asking the questions as to why their kid is playing the most and rarely if ever subbed out, because you want to make sure you’re reinforcing whatever those are and continue to be able to play a lot.

And I think the answer consists of multiple factors. Some gaps that do show up among equally skilled players are how do they actually implement those skills in a match and under pressure. Like are they connecting with their teammates? Are they always making a difference whenever they get the ball?

There are also differences in soccer IQ
and decision making.

There may also be a difference in composure and grit (being able to play ur best even when ur down for example).

There will also be differences in quickness, speed and endurance.

It just becomes really hard to separate yourself on top competitive teams (ECNL and MLSNext for example) where there is a high base of soccer competency already so I’ve noticed the above as the difference makers.

Anonymous wrote:This is a good question to DCUM crowdsource, actually. Let’s say your kid is a serious player. Let’s say they are very good but relative to comparable peers, aren’t playing that much. Let’s say coaches have no true feedback despite requests. Let’s say you are not a player yourself. Who can help sort out what is going on? Is it coach bias, or a real gap?

That's the million-dollar question.

This is a good question to DCUM crowdsource, actually. Let’s say your kid is a serious player. Let’s say they are very good but relative to comparable peers, aren’t playing that much. Let’s say coaches have no true feedback despite requests. Let’s say you are not a player yourself. Who can help sort out what is going on? Is it coach bias, or a real gap?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

Why do you trust you to be an objective knowledgeable expert in evaluating your kids?

I would say that I am an expert in my children. Being objective can be hard, I agree. But using outside advice and getting outside feedback on how I'm viewing my kid's soccer performance helps. If you think I was implying that I'm going solo, then you just made a large assumption that was incorrect.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

It is never your job to view your kid critically. It is your job to view your child realistically.

If your kid[s] have anything even remotely special, trust me, the good coaches will nuture and encourage it, even if it means going to another club to play at the next level. Youth soccer coaches don't make a ton of money. Finding and elevating a gem of a player can be their life's work.

Its always my job to view them critically but thank you for the opinion. I'm not sure if you quite realize that viewing your child critically is viewing them realistically. But thank you for the advice?

Touche and I'll take that nick. I fully acknowledge that I've spent too much time on the sidelines with parents who put the critic in critical.

You know, I’ve always wondered how well kids who have vocally critical parents develop in their soccer careers.

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.

For what it’s worth, parents have become quieter as the kids become more competitive. Perhaps a combination of the times (sideline coaching and criticism usually frowned upon now) and realizing that there are many other kids as good or better than yours.

I agree. What that usually means is in the early years they might get stuck on lower teams while the loudmouth/upyourbutt parents push their kids on the coaches/TDs. By U17-18/19, you start to see these kids finally get noticed. I find on the higher teams and the older/oldest age groups, the stands/sidelines are virtually quiet. My mom just commented on this last week at my younger son's game. We have been on same crazy *ss sidelines over the years. I always tried to sit as far away as possible---another benefit to the older age groups playing in HS stadiums and larger venues where you really can sit far, far away from everyone else.

i highlighted the wrong part---it was in reference to:

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.[b]

Empty barrels make the most noise

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

Why do you trust you to be an objective knowledgeable expert in evaluating your kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

It is never your job to view your kid critically. It is your job to view your child realistically.

If your kid[s] have anything even remotely special, trust me, the good coaches will nuture and encourage it, even if it means going to another club to play at the next level. Youth soccer coaches don't make a ton of money. Finding and elevating a gem of a player can be their life's work.

Its always my job to view them critically but thank you for the opinion. I'm not sure if you quite realize that viewing your child critically is viewing them realistically. But thank you for the advice?

Touche and I'll take that nick. I fully acknowledge that I've spent too much time on the sidelines with parents who put the critic in critical.

You know, I’ve always wondered how well kids who have vocally critical parents develop in their soccer careers.

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.

For what it’s worth, parents have become quieter as the kids become more competitive. Perhaps a combination of the times (sideline coaching and criticism usually frowned upon now) and realizing that there are many other kids as good or better than yours.

I agree. What that usually means is in the early years they might get stuck on lower teams while the loudmouth/upyourbutt parents push their kids on the coaches/TDs. By U17-18/19, you start to see these kids finally get noticed. I find on the higher teams and the older/oldest age groups, the stands/sidelines are virtually quiet. My mom just commented on this last week at my younger son's game. We have been on same crazy *ss sidelines over the years. I always tried to sit as far away as possible---another benefit to the older age groups playing in HS stadiums and larger venues where you really can sit far, far away from everyone else.

i highlighted the wrong part---it was in reference to:

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

It is never your job to view your kid critically. It is your job to view your child realistically.

If your kid[s] have anything even remotely special, trust me, the good coaches will nuture and encourage it, even if it means going to another club to play at the next level. Youth soccer coaches don't make a ton of money. Finding and elevating a gem of a player can be their life's work.

Its always my job to view them critically but thank you for the opinion. I'm not sure if you quite realize that viewing your child critically is viewing them realistically. But thank you for the advice?

Touche and I'll take that nick. I fully acknowledge that I've spent too much time on the sidelines with parents who put the critic in critical.

You know, I’ve always wondered how well kids who have vocally critical parents develop in their soccer careers.

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.[b]

For what it’s worth, parents have become quieter as the kids become more competitive. Perhaps a combination of the times (sideline coaching and criticism usually frowned upon now) and realizing that there are many other kids as good or better than yours.

I agree. What that usually means is in the early years they might get stuck on lower teams while the loudmouth/upyourbutt parents push their kids on the coaches/TDs. By U17-18/19, you start to see these kids finally get noticed. I find on the higher teams and the older/oldest age groups, the stands/sidelines are virtually quiet. My mom just commented on this last week at my younger son's game. We have been on same crazy *ss sidelines over the years. I always tried to sit as far away as possible---another benefit to the older age groups playing in HS stadiums and larger venues where you really can sit far, far away from everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

The parents who don't a shadow from a hole in the ground

Anonymous wrote:Terrible advice ^. First, club can hold your player card. You can leave but if they hold the card kid is not playing anywhere this year.
Second teach your kid integrity. Your kid needs to suck it up and honor their commitment. They can try out in spring and leave then.

This is an invaluable life lesson, OP. One of the real benefits of youth sports is handling setbacks. I’d get lessons so he can improve on his off-time and discuss what he wants in a team next year. This could bleed over into discussions about looking before you leap into a relationship and how to know when you just cut your losses and leave. Basically, you’ve been given parenting gold. Mine that.

Anonymous wrote:Terrible advice ^. First, club can hold your player card. You can leave but if they hold the card kid is not playing anywhere this year.
Second teach your kid integrity. Your kid needs to suck it up and honor their commitment. They can try out in spring and leave then.

I'm assuming you honor the terms of your cell phone contract too? And your mortgage and/or car loan...you pay those to the end like you agreed? You never refinance, do you? What about your streaming services or internet contract? You should suck it up and honor your commitments.

This is a service we buy...don't act like the clubs are doing something for us. This isn't a charity. We are sustaining them with our dollars. Wake up.

Based on the very vague issues you mentioned, I would recommend that you encourage your kid to stick it out and try his best with the club he's with this year, and prepare to tryout at other clubs next spring.

FVU to SYC too

If the player is on an ECNL team (National or Regional League) the league won't allow changes between clubs during the year. This applies even if the player is on an NCSL team (or going to one). That said, the player could go to a different club that does not have ECNL- say SYC to Arlington.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The contexuals are important as well...is this MLS Next/ECNL or something lower? If your kid is a top player with real prospects, then you have to be as ruthless as these clubs are and do what is best for his future in the sport. If they are playing for the learning experience and fun, then maybe stick it out all year and see if they can overcome the challenges cause its not really about their future in the sport.

If it was me, it would be all about what the long-term goal is of playing the sport in the first place. And we all kinda know where our kid is at whether we want to admit it or not...

Do you think kids know where they are at or rely on their parents to tell them?

I'm sure its different for every child. I have a U11 and a U14 both playing on top teams in top leagues. One thinks he's better than he actually is and the other thinks he sucks but he's the best player on the pitch every match. It's my job as a parent to view them critically and be honest with them (and myself) so they can get better. Too many parents are completely detached from reality and think their kid will be playing on TV soon...so they make bad choices for their kid because of it. That was part of my point above.

It is never your job to view your kid critically. It is your job to view your child realistically.

If your kid[s] have anything even remotely special, trust me, the good coaches will nuture and encourage it, even if it means going to another club to play at the next level. Youth soccer coaches don't make a ton of money. Finding and elevating a gem of a player can be their life's work.

Its always my job to view them critically but thank you for the opinion. I'm not sure if you quite realize that viewing your child critically is viewing them realistically. But thank you for the advice?

Touche and I'll take that nick. I fully acknowledge that I've spent too much time on the sidelines with parents who put the critic in critical.

You know, I’ve always wondered how well kids who have vocally critical parents develop in their soccer careers.

Anecdotally, on DS’s team, the best players have very quiet parents or who watch from afar.

For what it’s worth, parents have become quieter as the kids become more competitive. Perhaps a combination of the times (sideline coaching and criticism usually frowned upon now) and realizing that there are many other kids as good or better than yours.