Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won't matter unless one of the starters gets hurt, has sick day, has to miss a game for family stuff, etc. Coach and teammates will just have to adjust and deal with it.

Just be aware of the reality that the coaches are also teachers at the school. If they gripe about your kid in the teachers lounge it could effect general perception / reputation. Letters of recommendation may not be as effusive as they would be otherwise

Not at our school. He'd be praised for putting academics first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was my kid her sophomore year in HS. She was benched most of the game, and got “pity seconds” at the end of the game, only if the score was not tight. To make things worse, she hated the culture of the team. She was taking demanding courses as well. On top of that, she played a different sport on a competitive club team, although it was their off-season, they still had random weekend tournaments, to include Friday games, which would conflict with HS games.

She would come home crying, asking to quit. We made her tough it out. She finished the season, and did not go out for that team next year. I don’t think it has much of an impact on her college apps.

This is the way to do it. This season will be over in a matter of weeks.

Anonymous wrote:If the kid does not feel it is worth the time let them quit. This will have no impact on “building” character or anything else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the fact that kids get no playing time, and that parents and coaches bully us into thinking that they have to just sit there and take it with no complaints. I had my daughter quit a club sport that we had paid for for this reason. The coach was not kind to her and spread a nasty lie about why she quit. I say this because I think this kind of sports culture is toxic, and it teaches kids to just take abuse from coaches, bosses and other authority figures. It’s not what I want my kid to take away. I’d rather they prioritize academics, work, leadership, etc. let your kid quit.

This this this. My kid was a starter and I still thought it was too much of a time suck and the coaches treated everyone other than the stars like crap. You also weren’t allowed to read a book even if you were injured and had to sit and watch the kids practice. If my kid wasn’t getting any play time, I’d have him fake an injury and quit.

I agree. The poster who say sticking it out is "the right ting to do" because of "commitment" lack some perspective here. Commitment to a team is a two-way street, first of all. The kid clearly is neither wanted nor needed on the team. He is sacrificing his sleep, his academics, and therefore his opportunity to put his best for forward, just to sit on a bench and watch other kids play. The coach is all but telling him he's not really a part of the team. That's a one-way commitment. This is different from the kid whose team is counting on him to win a championship. But even that kid should have the option to pull out if the sport is causing harm in his life. A lot of the sports "commitments" around here are causing some kids (and families) active harm.

So what is the 'right thing' here? Self-harm for the sake of saying you stayed where you weren't wanted or needed? I happen to think that reading the room, being humble enough to admit you aren't right for the team, and focusing on your strengths is the "right thing" here. Sometimes, knowing when to throw in the towel and focus your energies on more productive endeavors IS the right thing. Knowing when to stop is as important as knowing when to push through. Here, pushing through seems to be aiming at a futile goal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but it will contribute to her life success. How many times will she be stuck on a crappy project, overseen by a bad boss……good for her sticking it out.

I am a former college athlete, coach's kid myself, and I HIGHLY disagree.

There is the typical 'hard' coach, yes--stick it out. There is the you aren't everyone's cup of tea. There is 'you need to prove yourself'. There is you need to earn your playing time, etc.

Then, there are the psychologically, mind-game dangerous coaches.

You need to know the difference AND you need to teach your kids the tools to stand up to this.

We have had a few scandals at our private where coaches were eventually fired after years. The sport my kids play has such a highly dysfunctional program with really bad psycho coaches that players and parents for years privately complain about amongst one another. It truly is a nepotistic ugly thing.

Teaching your kid WHEN to walk away is just an important lesson as sticking out when things are just 'hard' or you don't see eye-to-eye. THIS builds a kid that learns to advocate for themselves and not be bullied. AND they help other kids who are too afraid to stand up for the mistreatment themselves. Leaders.

+100

You want the kid with balls. Not the one that will continue to bend over when things are more and more and more dysfunctional. The one other kids look to for guidance.

Future whistleblowers.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to make you feel better about your kid being a quitter.

In any case, the issue here isn’t the coach but playing time.

Anonymous wrote:Won't matter unless one of the starters gets hurt, has sick day, has to miss a game for family stuff, etc. Coach and teammates will just have to adjust and deal with it.

Just be aware of the reality that the coaches are also teachers at the school. If they gripe about your kid in the teachers lounge it could effect general perception / reputation. Letters of recommendation may not be as effusive as they would be otherwise

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate the fact that kids get no playing time, and that parents and coaches bully us into thinking that they have to just sit there and take it with no complaints. I had my daughter quit a club sport that we had paid for for this reason. The coach was not kind to her and spread a nasty lie about why she quit. I say this because I think this kind of sports culture is toxic, and it teaches kids to just take abuse from coaches, bosses and other authority figures. It’s not what I want my kid to take away. I’d rather they prioritize academics, work, leadership, etc. let your kid quit.

This this this. My kid was a starter and I still thought it was too much of a time suck and the coaches treated everyone other than the stars like crap. You also weren’t allowed to read a book even if you were injured and had to sit and watch the kids practice. If my kid wasn’t getting any play time, I’d have him fake an injury and quit.

Anonymous wrote:This was my kid her sophomore year in HS. She was benched most of the game, and got “pity seconds” at the end of the game, only if the score was not tight. To make things worse, she hated the culture of the team. She was taking demanding courses as well. On top of that, she played a different sport on a competitive club team, although it was their off-season, they still had random weekend tournaments, to include Friday games, which would conflict with HS games.

She would come home crying, asking to quit. We made her tough it out. She finished the season, and did not go out for that team next year. I don’t think it has much of an impact on her college apps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but it will contribute to her life success. How many times will she be stuck on a crappy project, overseen by a bad boss……good for her sticking it out.

I am a former college athlete, coach's kid myself, and I HIGHLY disagree.

There is the typical 'hard' coach, yes--stick it out. There is the you aren't everyone's cup of tea. There is 'you need to prove yourself'. There is you need to earn your playing time, etc.

Then, there are the psychologically, mind-game dangerous coaches.

You need to know the difference AND you need to teach your kids the tools to stand up to this.

We have had a few scandals at our private where coaches were eventually fired after years. The sport my kids play has such a highly dysfunctional program with really bad psycho coaches that players and parents for years privately complain about amongst one another. It truly is a nepotistic ugly thing.

Teaching your kid WHEN to walk away is just an important lesson as sticking out when things are just 'hard' or you don't see eye-to-eye. THIS builds a kid that learns to advocate for themselves and not be bullied. AND they help other kids who are too afraid to stand up for the mistreatment themselves. Leaders.

+100

You want the kid with balls. Not the one that will continue to bend over when things are more and more and more dysfunctional. The one other kids look to for guidance.

Future whistleblowers.