Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:45     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).


OP - what would an IEP look like for a kid who tests well and does well in school?

I am also so worried that we ruined DD during covid lockdowns. She does not do well with change/unfamiliar schedules and during covid we had just had a new baby, ripped her out of her daycare and then started her in virtual kindergarten. I had very severe PPD during this time that was untreated (due to covid policies) and probably was the worst parent ever during this time. Lots of yelling, screaming, disregulated household, etc. I got treated for my PPD, my youngest started sleeping through the night and it got better but I am so worried that during this time we truly ruined DD and this is all stemming from that period of time.


While most of us parents have wondered whether we "ruined" our children at times, the household environment you described is highly unlikely to be the cause of whatever is going on now. The pandemic was already close to 3 years ago. Maybe the stress caused some of the underlying issues that were already there to surface, but based on what you described, it's unlikely that the household environment for a finite period of time "caused" this.

Just get the neuro psych exam. Better to have answers than trying to figure it out on your own. My DD was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7. She shares a lot of the same traits you describe with your DD: inflexibility, emotional outbursts, losing track of time/difficulty staying on task (especially when we are trying to leave the house), wanting things to be just so--esp with her hair. She was also have difficulty regulating her emotions at school but she's a good student overall. I thought she had anxiety but when we finally had her tested, she was diagnosed with ADHD which took me by surprise. I didn't realize how much emotional dysregulation is a core feature of ADHD.

All of this to say, just have her tested. If this was any other medical issue, of course you'd WANT the test to understand what is going on and how to treat it. It's the same here.


… emotional dysregulation can be a symptom of a lot of things, including, yes, instability at home and a dysfunctional parenting style. (also OP says no academic issues so ADHD is unlikely.) a neuropsych will take months/years to access. OP doesn’t have time for that and needs to find parenting support.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:40     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).


OP - what would an IEP look like for a kid who tests well and does well in school?

I am also so worried that we ruined DD during covid lockdowns. She does not do well with change/unfamiliar schedules and during covid we had just had a new baby, ripped her out of her daycare and then started her in virtual kindergarten. I had very severe PPD during this time that was untreated (due to covid policies) and probably was the worst parent ever during this time. Lots of yelling, screaming, disregulated household, etc. I got treated for my PPD, my youngest started sleeping through the night and it got better but I am so worried that during this time we truly ruined DD and this is all stemming from that period of time.


While most of us parents have wondered whether we "ruined" our children at times, the household environment you described is highly unlikely to be the cause of whatever is going on now. The pandemic was already close to 3 years ago. Maybe the stress caused some of the underlying issues that were already there to surface, but based on what you described, it's unlikely that the household environment for a finite period of time "caused" this.

Just get the neuro psych exam. Better to have answers than trying to figure it out on your own. My DD was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7. She shares a lot of the same traits you describe with your DD: inflexibility, emotional outbursts, losing track of time/difficulty staying on task (especially when we are trying to leave the house), wanting things to be just so--esp with her hair. She was also have difficulty regulating her emotions at school but she's a good student overall. I thought she had anxiety but when we finally had her tested, she was diagnosed with ADHD which took me by surprise. I didn't realize how much emotional dysregulation is a core feature of ADHD.

All of this to say, just have her tested. If this was any other medical issue, of course you'd WANT the test to understand what is going on and how to treat it. It's the same here.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:25     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).


OP - what would an IEP look like for a kid who tests well and does well in school?

I am also so worried that we ruined DD during covid lockdowns. She does not do well with change/unfamiliar schedules and during covid we had just had a new baby, ripped her out of her daycare and then started her in virtual kindergarten. I had very severe PPD during this time that was untreated (due to covid policies) and probably was the worst parent ever during this time. Lots of yelling, screaming, disregulated household, etc. I got treated for my PPD, my youngest started sleeping through the night and it got better but I am so worried that during this time we truly ruined DD and this is all stemming from that period of time.


Your daughter would not qualify for an IEP. IEPs are for disabilities that require special education and that does not appear to be the case here.


(Also based on what you wrote - PLEASE find a competent parenting therapist.)
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:24     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).


OP - what would an IEP look like for a kid who tests well and does well in school?

I am also so worried that we ruined DD during covid lockdowns. She does not do well with change/unfamiliar schedules and during covid we had just had a new baby, ripped her out of her daycare and then started her in virtual kindergarten. I had very severe PPD during this time that was untreated (due to covid policies) and probably was the worst parent ever during this time. Lots of yelling, screaming, disregulated household, etc. I got treated for my PPD, my youngest started sleeping through the night and it got better but I am so worried that during this time we truly ruined DD and this is all stemming from that period of time.


Your daughter would not qualify for an IEP. IEPs are for disabilities that require special education and that does not appear to be the case here.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:24     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Thank you to the PP who mentioned Rachel Bailey, it looks helpful for my child who sounds similar to the OP's. Mine is a lot better because I really worked on setting limits. My child is a rule follower so the limits helped her know what to expect, which in turn helped her anxiety.

I saw this on the FCPS website:
Setting Limits and Dealing With Dramatic Resistance
It's important to set limits, but sometimes when we try to set them, our kids don't follow them or it takes a tremendous amount of energy to enforce them.

In this webinar, you'll learn:

How to set effective limits to reduce the likelihood of resistance.
How to deal with dramatic reactions that do occur -- in a way that boosts your influence and your child's resilience.
Join Rachel Bailey, parenting expert and coach for this important webinar.

September 20, 2024, 10-11:30 a.m.


Oh, nice that she has a live one coming up, then you can probably ask questions if you attend live. I was referring to there being some old recordings on their YouTube page.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:19     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).


OP - what would an IEP look like for a kid who tests well and does well in school?

I am also so worried that we ruined DD during covid lockdowns. She does not do well with change/unfamiliar schedules and during covid we had just had a new baby, ripped her out of her daycare and then started her in virtual kindergarten. I had very severe PPD during this time that was untreated (due to covid policies) and probably was the worst parent ever during this time. Lots of yelling, screaming, disregulated household, etc. I got treated for my PPD, my youngest started sleeping through the night and it got better but I am so worried that during this time we truly ruined DD and this is all stemming from that period of time.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:15     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.


A child doesn't just get an IEP, whether they have a formal diagnosis of anxiety or ADHD or ASD. It doesn't work like that (nor should it).
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:13     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Trust your gut on this one. I'd bring her to a psychiatrist for therapy, and also consider the neuropathy test. Girls aren't always identified with ADHD/anxiety/ASD, and this could be it. An IEP will be helpful, even though she is doing really well.

We had to take this on ourselves, since my kid wasn't doing poorly in school. But now, a few years in, we know we did the right thing.

I'm so sorry. This is really hard.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:08     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Someone up thread recommended SPACE therapy and that’s exactly what was recommended for our anxious child. I haven’t started it yet but I’m currently reading Breaking Free of Childhood Anxiety and OCD (a book that outlines the ideas behind SPACE) and it’s been helpful so far.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 12:04     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Thank you to the PP who mentioned Rachel Bailey, it looks helpful for my child who sounds similar to the OP's. Mine is a lot better because I really worked on setting limits. My child is a rule follower so the limits helped her know what to expect, which in turn helped her anxiety.

I saw this on the FCPS website:
Setting Limits and Dealing With Dramatic Resistance
It's important to set limits, but sometimes when we try to set them, our kids don't follow them or it takes a tremendous amount of energy to enforce them.

In this webinar, you'll learn:

How to set effective limits to reduce the likelihood of resistance.
How to deal with dramatic reactions that do occur -- in a way that boosts your influence and your child's resilience.
Join Rachel Bailey, parenting expert and coach for this important webinar.

September 20, 2024, 10-11:30 a.m.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 11:59     Subject: Re:This isn't normal is it?
I haven’t read the whole thread OP, but suggest you look into Dr. Becky and her courses on deeply feeling kids. My DD does something similar with smoothing hair.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 11:59     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, it's not normal. It's not normal to bang your head against anything.


It's not abnormal. Kids do it, even if yours never have.


One of mine did it. Stopped around 6th grade.
I told him (several times) that he was my child that I loved more than anything and that I wasn’t going to tolerate anyone hitting my child.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 11:56     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
This sounds like my daughter who got an ADHD diagnosis at age 7 (she is 9 now). I would go forward with neuropsych evaluation even if you get pushback from your spouse. Occupational therapy to learn emotional regulation techniques were very helpful. She is also medicated with adderall. It's not perfect, we still deal with meltdowns and inflexibility. Her behavior is great at school, and she saves all of it for me.. mom. Yay!
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 11:55     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Anonymous wrote:No, it's not normal. It's not normal to bang your head against anything.


It's not abnormal. Kids do it, even if yours never have.
Anonymous
Post 09/09/2024 11:52     Subject: This isn't normal is it?
Op some of this could be hormonal too - do you feel like puberty is starting for her?