I say DD is going for “MRS” degree aka “Trad Wife,” role. She’s going to golf school.

Anonymous wrote:Mine got sick of being asked so he told everyone he would attending the college of life on a full scholarship. Lol.

I would hire your kid!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents of the tippy top kids all know who the tippy top kids are. They’ve been together as a cohort since 6th grade. If a tippy top parent is asking you, they are being pleasant or curious. They know your kid isn’t going to Yale. So, relax.

Not always. lol. We didn’t put our kid in all the enrichments, didn’t push the GT thing. Kid was very into their sport (not recruited). People had zero idea kid was straight A and perfect test scores. He ended up doing the best out of all of pthe tippy top kids in admissions.

+1
This is when I just shake my head at parents who post here claiming some kids with "lesser stats" got into an elite school while their own kid - supposedly with "much higher stats" did not. They DO NOT KNOW the grades and test scores of any child other than their own. It's astounding that they feel they do, and that others are actually going to believe them. Not only do they not know any other child's stats, they also don't have any clue what ECs that kid does, especially if they're not school-related.

My own DC was admitted into very selective schools while some of her peers who were widely considered to be "the top" students were not. The fact is, no one has any real clue about anyone's kid other than their own.

True, to an extent. If your school uses scoir you may be able to deduce exact gpa and sat of kids a year or more ahead of the current class.

You don’t need a comeback.

Hopefully, your family are not a**holes. But if they are, you don’t have to join them.

He can just say, “I am still making up my mind.”

Then when your kid is ready to go public, maybe send out an email or Facebook post, saying”Join us in congratulating Larlo on his acceptance to ____”

OR

“Larlo has decided to accept ___’s offer of admission , starting in the fall of 2025. We are very excited for him.”

OP, I have a similar experience with “friends and family” where my DC chose to go the CC-to-state flagship route (got accepted to another state school but did not love it). There was no comeback line possible for me because they had been at CC for a year, and I couldn’t just lie about it. So I bit the bullet and told everyone asking that DC is at CC and planning to transfer to XYZ. It was literally painful in the beginning. Most people tried to be very nice about it, almost too nice, and would nervously tell me how it’s a great idea and will save us so much money, blah blah blah, I could see almost horror on their faces! LOL However, after a while, it actually felt very liberating. My ego got hurt, but I had no other choice but to accept it and embrace it, and it turned out to be a very healthy experience.

DC is now very happy; they moved to the flagship and avoided the dreaded dorm freshman year (they have a thing about sharing a room with strangers), got into nice off-campus housing, have great roommates, and are generally doing well. Also extra year at home was so good for their maturity level. We saved tons of money and bought a car for DC.

Bottom line: This can be a humbling and liberating experience. Try to tell as many people as you can where your DD is going and be proud of her.

Anonymous wrote:DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?

My DD got into her favorite school-a small school not well known. Be proud and happy for your daughter. Your ego should not be a factor here or you will make HER feel less than.

The kids in our extended family are all within about 8 years and so every year these conversations come up. Some kids have gone to “great” schools and some to state flagships. My child is the youngest and won’t have the grades/scores for the state flagship. He will likely attend a school that others in the family might consider beneath them but I’ve never considered having to defend that decision. I’m proud of him every single day for working hard and being a deeply kind and wonderful human. While taking him on college tours, I’ve learned that there are many excellent schools with high acceptance rates. He proudly wears gear from a few of these schools. No comeback lines are necessary.

Anonymous wrote:They got into the best fit for a school for them. Its a great school and we are really proud of her and support her choice.

Let's be a bit real though. The first sentence is not always true in this competitive environment. There are kids who are disappointed, and rightly so. There are more amazing kids than there are spots at the handful of schools "everybody expects you to attend." Nonetheless, they come to realize that there are a lot of great schools, and they will get an excellent education, which is the point of it all. And if you truly convey your second sentence, they will even have a great experience if they too embrace it, and (gasp) have a career someday. They may also come to realize that they get to enjoy life more than the kid who did get the nod, and now all eyes are on them to continue to prove themselves "worthy." For some people, in some families, the pressure never ends. And if that is your sad family, just nod and smile, and go your own way, be happy, and prove to them that there is more than one way to success.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents of the tippy top kids all know who the tippy top kids are. They’ve been together as a cohort since 6th grade. If a tippy top parent is asking you, they are being pleasant or curious. They know your kid isn’t going to Yale. So, relax.

Except when it turns out that kid actually IS going to Yale - while all the parents of "tippy top kids" (what a truly stupid expression) underestimated that kid over the years. This exact scenario happened at our high school and it was truly delicious to see the jaws drop at the news. Happens more than you would think.
NP

Gross all around.

Just be honest and own it. My son goes to an OOS school that is probably not high on anybody’s list. People often don’t know what to say when I tell them where he’s going because it really isn’t on their radar. That said, they are also surprised (in a good way) when I tell them about the awesome internship he just got, along with the other opportunities he’s had at the school. This school truly was the right fit for him!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD doesn't want to go to family parties anymore, everyone is asking and focusing where she will be going to college next year. DD is not a stellar student and will most likely be going to an in state college. Her grades aren't high enough with her gpa to get into the state's main university. She doesn't know how to respond to family, people in general. I don't either, for now I say she is undecided and play off she is doing well at school- yes, I know ego.

If this is your child and she didn't get into a top school, what have you said? Lie and say she got a big scholarship to a lesser college?

Most people aren't obsessive about "top" schools like the DCUM crowd. The people who genuinely ask will say "great!" to pretty much any college mentioned since it signifies a progression to a new phase.

The "DCUM crowd" does not condone people who are obsessive about top schools. There isn't just one "type" here.

There must be good things about the school?
Sports teams and exciting games?
A sport she will play?
Fun campus activities?
SAY I AM GOING TO X AND REALLY PSYCHED ABOUT GOING TO THE BIG GAME. Or the great dorm. Or meeting the international students. Or the area,
.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents of the tippy top kids all know who the tippy top kids are. They’ve been together as a cohort since 6th grade. If a tippy top parent is asking you, they are being pleasant or curious. They know your kid isn’t going to Yale. So, relax.

Not always. lol. We didn’t put our kid in all the enrichments, didn’t push the GT thing. Kid was very into their sport (not recruited). People had zero idea kid was straight A and perfect test scores. He ended up doing the best out of all of pthe tippy top kids in admissions.

+1
This is when I just shake my head at parents who post here claiming some kids with "lesser stats" got into an elite school while their own kid - supposedly with "much higher stats" did not. They DO NOT KNOW the grades and test scores of any child other than their own. It's astounding that they feel they do, and that others are actually going to believe them. Not only do they not know any other child's stats, they also don't have any clue what ECs that kid does, especially if they're not school-related.

My own DC was admitted into very selective schools while some of her peers who were widely considered to be "the top" students were not. The fact is, no one has any real clue about anyone's kid other than their own.

Anonymous wrote:The parents of the tippy top kids all know who the tippy top kids are. They’ve been together as a cohort since 6th grade. If a tippy top parent is asking you, they are being pleasant or curious. They know your kid isn’t going to Yale. So, relax.

Not always. lol. We didn’t put our kid in all the enrichments, didn’t push the GT thing. Kid was very into their sport (not recruited). People had zero idea kid was straight A and perfect test scores. He ended up doing the best out of all of pthe tippy top kids in admissions.

“Where are you going next year?”

“Bla bla University! I’m Really Excited about it ”