Anonymous wrote:DD wants to stay close to home for college, not because she’s afraid to leave, but because she’s very grounded, values her connections to extended family more than her thirst for freedom, and wants to go into policy work someday. She has friends and cousins who’ve made other choices for different reasons and she’s gotten lots of pressure to spread her wings. Maybe she will someday, but she has no desire to do so now, and I’m not going to force her. So far, she’s only looking at schools within an easy drive to DC but is excited to study abroad for a semester or so.

We are in a similar situation. I know there are strong policy programs across the country but I don't see the point in trying to motivate my kid who ultimately wants to intern and work in DC to go to a school further away. We can't afford an ivy even if he did win the lottery acceptance. He is also interested in going abroad. Policy programs often lead to grad school so maybe when he has worked for a bit he will want to venture further.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on the east coast, then went to college in the midwest, and it was so mind-opening for me. Being far from home showed me that a lot of things I’d taken for granted, assuming “that’s just how people are,” were in fact regionally-specific cultural traits that I could choose to keep, or not. It really opened my world, and parts of myself, in a way that I’m grateful for today.

Because going far from home was so meaningful for me, I encouraged my kids to consider schools that were in different parts of the country and in communities that felt different from the world they’d known. One did, and had a similar experience to mine. We’ll see about kid #2.

I understand why people wouldn’t want their kids to go far, of course. But I’m very glad I did.

My DD has had this same experience going to a small rural college that still just 3 hours from home. Huge shift for her vs. growing up in DC.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on the east coast, then went to college in the midwest, and it was so mind-opening for me. Being far from home showed me that a lot of things I’d taken for granted, assuming “that’s just how people are,” were in fact regionally-specific cultural traits that I could choose to keep, or not. It really opened my world, and parts of myself, in a way that I’m grateful for today.

Because going far from home was so meaningful for me, I encouraged my kids to consider schools that were in different parts of the country and in communities that felt different from the world they’d known. One did, and had a similar experience to mine. We’ll see about kid #2.

I understand why people wouldn’t want their kids to go far, of course. But I’m very glad I did.

We just dropped our first kid off to college in the midwest and your words gave me a lot of comfort. Thanks!

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

This. Definitely this. I LOVE that my now college age students are within a two/three hour (depending on traffic patterns) of our home. They choose to be home for every family celebration, often bringing a group of friends with them. We are so unbelievably blessed to have such a close family unit (both extended and our own) and we do everything to nurture our family gatherings to the max. Family is everything and we count our blessings that we did not "screw" up in the parenting department.

Ain't no Ivies down here.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

OMG. No. Just No.

I am extremely, extremely close to my family. I had a perfect childhood. My dad was my best friend.

I always felt safe and supported and loved.

It was for that reason I had the self-confidence and desire to 'launch', spread my wings and try new things---always knowing my family was home supporting me and I could always count on them--or return.

We have a very tight-knit family. My kids are loved and very well-adjusted and self-competent. My oldest with a late Fall bday, will turn 19 next month. He was going to attend a T20 school 2 miles from home but it just felt like 'more of the same'. He needs to leave the DC bubble for awhile--see new things, experience living in a new state, meet new people, have a new environment. This is his need and I know it will allow him to grow. We are all very excited for him (I am ultimately happy he didn't choose the west coast for selfish reasons).

Not every kid needs this, my own siblings stayed local for college. I went 4 hours away. I felt UVA was even too close from NoVa. I came back after grad school.

^ he is going 7 hours North. A bit of a drive, but also a cheap 50 minute flight away. We are 5 min from airport and school is 5 min from an airport. Flights all day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

OMG. No. Just No.

I am extremely, extremely close to my family. I had a perfect childhood. My dad was my best friend.

I always felt safe and supported and loved.

It was for that reason I had the self-confidence and desire to 'launch', spread my wings and try new things---always knowing my family was home supporting me and I could always count on them--or return.

We have a very tight-knit family. My kids are loved and very well-adjusted and self-competent. My oldest with a late Fall bday, will turn 19 next month. He was going to attend a T20 school 2 miles from home but it just felt like 'more of the same'. He needs to leave the DC bubble for awhile--see new things, experience living in a new state, meet new people, have a new environment. This is his need and I know it will allow him to grow. We are all very excited for him (I am ultimately happy he didn't choose the west coast for selfish reasons).

Not every kid needs this, my own siblings stayed local for college. I went 4 hours away. I felt UVA was even too close from NoVa. I came back after grad school.

Anonymous wrote:My kid went to California because that’s where her definite first choice school was, but she’s coming back when she’s done.

I think college is great chance to live in another part of the country and we’ve taken it as an excuse to see more of California

Same here. DD going to Cali. Is very close to us, won’t let us sell house at least for fresh year. Wanted big, rah rah. Got into UCLA. Was always going to be a plane ride. Glad she has confidence to go. Nephew is so closed to other parts of the country from East Coast near home, down on himself. To each their own.

I have always wondered whether it makes sense for people who live in an economic powerhouse like the DC region to forgo the benefits of a local school (like, say, George Mason) such as alumni networking, internships, speakers, classes oriented toward local job market, to instead go a nominally higher ranked school in a cornfield in Ohio or Iowa or something.

I suspect that, holding student quality equal, there’s probably a higher ROI to staying local.

I can see why someone from Iowa may want their kid to get exposure to the DC metro, but the inverse isn’t really necessary other than as a cultural experience (which can be obtained from study abroad or gap year travel, etc.).

Obviously if your kid gets the opportunity to study computer science at Stanford or something that’s a different calculation.

My husband likely would have moved back to TX if we hadn't met while he was stationed here. But we have made a life here. He talks to his mom frequently and we do visits twice a year (she comes here in summer, we go there during the holidays) Yes, it would be lovely if we could be closer to his family, but it isn't all on us. We'd happily move his mom here if she were willing.

We both grew up in close families and we value that. You don't have to be physically close to maintain relationships, especially these days.

We hope our girls wind up within driving distance when they become adults/have families. We haven't set a retirement spot because we are waiting to see where they land. Our first heads to MA next week for school, so who knows?

I didn't go to school close to home, but weekends home for 4 years don't make or break a relationship. I saw my parents when possible, we talked frequently (before cell phones and texts). They now live a couple hours south of us and will be here in a few days to watch the younger child and our animals while we head off to drop the teen for her college adventure. They are here for us and we love them very much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

You're getting bashed for this, but...I get it. I'm a military brat, military spouse, and my oldest is now at a service academy (not the close one, either). It's a very difficult lifestyle if you want a close family, and part of me is sad that DC has chosen to continue in it. Am I proud of him? Hell, yes. Will it negatively affect our relationship? Also yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.

It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.

OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.

I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.

I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.

I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.

I think this is the answer. Kids who want to go far want to do it for a reason. Kids who are from living homes who feel supported and valued and accepted for who they are don’t feel the need to escape.

For a lot of people, it's more about wanting the experience of living in a different place. Why would you want to stay in one location your entire life? College is the easiest time to try something else. Kids who are from loving families who feel supported and valued and and accepted know that they will always have strong bonds with their family, regardless of where they live.

I posted earlier but have to say this is a nice sentiment. Until your not able to attend holidays, etc. easily. Until you see your family spending time together w/o you. Until your family ages and until you age.

I'm not saying don't move away to experience things. But this "spread your wings" and leave home is not something that is necessarily best in the long run if you have a loving family.

You seriously just typed this?? I’m not about to argue with you but I can’t people people actually have such a limited view.

I feel the same, but I won't push one way or the other. My parents both encouraged me to follow my dreams and go wherever I wanted, and I did. Went far away to school and lived and worked near my school for two years. Then I came home, and now live 10 minutes from my kids, and my mom takes care of the grandkids a couple of days a week and we're all together all the time. I really hope that's how my little family will be when I'm the grandma. I hope my kids will be near me. But I'm not going to push them.

I grew up on the east coast, then went to college in the midwest, and it was so mind-opening for me. Being far from home showed me that a lot of things I’d taken for granted, assuming “that’s just how people are,” were in fact regionally-specific cultural traits that I could choose to keep, or not. It really opened my world, and parts of myself, in a way that I’m grateful for today.

Because going far from home was so meaningful for me, I encouraged my kids to consider schools that were in different parts of the country and in communities that felt different from the world they’d known. One did, and had a similar experience to mine. We’ll see about kid #2.

I understand why people wouldn’t want their kids to go far, of course. But I’m very glad I did.

My kid went to California because that’s where her definite first choice school was, but she’s coming back when she’s done.

I think college is great chance to live in another part of the country and we’ve taken it as an excuse to see more of California