Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

In those instances, it is justified to share your first-hand experiences. I actually don't care much about what she did, but what she did does MATTER. In the above two instances 1) you don't want to be caught shopping with a shoplifter! I'd be very cautious in that instance and 2) you have to be ready to protect your child! ... So if those are comparable to what she did, I would consider sharing my personal experience. But again, only sharing the facts that you KNOW. But if she's doing something the level of eating all the cookies then you can just think "gluttony" in your head and move on without saying something.

Yeah, but see, all the above are extremes. What about sth in the middle?

Instead of her child biting, now the situation is less. Let’s say, I’m going to Lizzy for a playdate this weekend. - oh, a couple of times we did playdates with her she kept making the playdate about her other child who is mentally disabled. She planted that child in every activity, and wanted both other kids to entertain that child.

Now in this situation Lizzy’s behavior is not clear cut bad, and the humane part in each of us would take pity on her mentally disabled child and her motherly effort to do something good for her family. But she’s using your child in the process. You can gently tell Lizzy that Billy was really looking forward to some one on one time with Bobby, but Lizzy takes it very personally.

Do you share this information or do you not? Of course you’ll be the jerk for not having your heart open to the other child, but the other parent will be glad to know.

Oh, that's VERY petty on your part, and really subjective. Do not share that. You know that. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking. So she dotes on her disabled child!! Big deal. No, that is something the other parent should learn on their own. Was anybody hurt? Was anything criminal? Was anybody in any danger at any time? NO. So shut it and go on your way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

In those instances, it is justified to share your first-hand experiences. I actually don't care much about what she did, but what she did does MATTER. In the above two instances 1) you don't want to be caught shopping with a shoplifter! I'd be very cautious in that instance and 2) you have to be ready to protect your child! ... So if those are comparable to what she did, I would consider sharing my personal experience. But again, only sharing the facts that you KNOW. But if she's doing something the level of eating all the cookies then you can just think "gluttony" in your head and move on without saying something.

Yeah, but see, all the above are extremes. What about sth in the middle?

Instead of her child biting, now the situation is less. Let’s say, I’m going to Lizzy for a playdate this weekend. - oh, a couple of times we did playdates with her she kept making the playdate about her other child who is mentally disabled. She planted that child in every activity, and wanted both other kids to entertain that child.

Now in this situation Lizzy’s behavior is not clear cut bad, and the humane part in each of us would take pity on her mentally disabled child and her motherly effort to do something good for her family. But she’s using your child in the process. You can gently tell Lizzy that Billy was really looking forward to some one on one time with Bobby, but Lizzy takes it very personally.

Do you share this information or do you not? Of course you’ll be the jerk for not having your heart open to the other child, but the other parent will be glad to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

In those instances, it is justified to share your first-hand experiences. I actually don't care much about what she did, but what she did does MATTER. In the above two instances 1) you don't want to be caught shopping with a shoplifter! I'd be very cautious in that instance and 2) you have to be ready to protect your child! ... So if those are comparable to what she did, I would consider sharing my personal experience. But again, only sharing the facts that you KNOW. But if she's doing something the level of eating all the cookies then you can just think "gluttony" in your head and move on without saying something.

Yeah, but see, all the above are extremes. What about sth in the middle?

Instead of her child biting, now the situation is less. Let’s say, I’m going to Lizzy for a playdate this weekend. - oh, a couple of times we did playdates with her she kept making the playdate about her other child who is mentally disabled. She planted that child in every activity, and wanted both other kids to entertain that child.

Now in this situation Lizzy’s behavior is not clear cut bad, and the humane part in each of us would take pity on her mentally disabled child and her motherly effort to do something good for her family. But she’s using your child in the process. You can gently tell Lizzy that Billy was really looking forward to some one on one time with Bobby, but Lizzy takes it very personally.

Do you share this information or do you not? Of course you’ll be the jerk for not having your heart open to the other child, but the other parent will be glad to know.

Oh, that's VERY petty on your part, and really subjective. Do not share that. You know that. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking. So she dotes on her disabled child!! Big deal. No, that is something the other parent should learn on their own. Was anybody hurt? Was anything criminal? Was anybody in any danger at any time? NO. So shut it and go on your way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

In those instances, it is justified to share your first-hand experiences. I actually don't care much about what she did, but what she did does MATTER. In the above two instances 1) you don't want to be caught shopping with a shoplifter! I'd be very cautious in that instance and 2) you have to be ready to protect your child! ... So if those are comparable to what she did, I would consider sharing my personal experience. But again, only sharing the facts that you KNOW. But if she's doing something the level of eating all the cookies then you can just think "gluttony" in your head and move on without saying something.

Yeah, but see, all the above are extremes. What about sth in the middle?

Instead of her child biting, now the situation is less. Let’s say, I’m going to Lizzy for a playdate this weekend. - oh, a couple of times we did playdates with her she kept making the playdate about her other child who is mentally disabled. She planted that child in every activity, and wanted both other kids to entertain that child.

Now in this situation Lizzy’s behavior is not clear cut bad, and the humane part in each of us would take pity on her mentally disabled child and her motherly effort to do something good for her family. But she’s using your child in the process. You can gently tell Lizzy that Billy was really looking forward to some one on one time with Bobby, but Lizzy takes it very personally.

Do you share this information or do you not? Of course you’ll be the jerk for not having your heart open to the other child, but the other parent will be glad to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

I’m pp. if someone said either of these things in advance of me meeting with someone, I’d probably never talk to them again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

In those instances, it is justified to share your first-hand experiences. I actually don't care much about what she did, but what she did does MATTER. In the above two instances 1) you don't want to be caught shopping with a shoplifter! I'd be very cautious in that instance and 2) you have to be ready to protect your child! ... So if those are comparable to what she did, I would consider sharing my personal experience. But again, only sharing the facts that you KNOW. But if she's doing something the level of eating all the cookies then you can just think "gluttony" in your head and move on without saying something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

The example is meant to help you be neutral.

But since you’re interested in shoplifting, the example could be: I’m going shopping with Suzanne tomorrow. - oh, be careful, one time I went shopping with her, she shoplifted. I was mortified of getting caught with her.

Or, we’re going to Mary for a playadate tomorrow. - oh, her child bites, and she does nothing about it. When I tried to redirect the child she got all pissy with me. We haven’t been back.

The problem with these two examples is that it’s easy to judge and justify your judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.

feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?

The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).

I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

Hunty, what you don't seem to be able to comprehend is that unless the "what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you)" is criminal, by talking about it behind someone's back instead of addressing your petty squabbles directly, you're telling a story about yourself and it isn't pretty.

Nobody wants to hear about your petty picnic problems, minor whinging and whargbles, annoyances, trivial trials, etc. Nobody cares. And when it's all you ever have to say, nobody cares about what you have to say, either.

The point several of us have tried to help you get is this: if it's worth mentioning, it's worth mentioning to the people responsible for addressing it. If you're not doing that, it's just a bunch of drama-causing gossip, and it makes you look stupid and small.

If it's truly a criminal offense, or some other way you've been egregiously wronged or harmed, and you just don't know who else to turn to, then maybe talking it out with a trusted friend would be a reasonable start. But if you're straight-up naming names and spreading the word in order to shame this person behind their back, you're the jerk.

Learn it. Live it. Love it. And love yourself enough to stand up for yourself when there's an actual problem, and stand down from stupid, insecurity-driven nonsense non-issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.
feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?
The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).
I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.

The root of the problem here is that you are using a stupid example. if it was more serious than taking 3 burger patties at a cookout, than you need to share a comparable example. If it was that she is a chronic shoplifter or ties her child up to the bed at night, or doesn't wash her hands after using the bathroom, tell us that, and we can give you better advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:41, no the information is almost never necessary, but I’m feeling like why not say of it irked me enough?

I don’t want to put an example, because the examples are too specific. But think of something like, oh I met your sil. She seems so nice. And I’m like, mmmh, she takes all the burger patties at a cook out.

??? Think all that sh!t all you want. If you DO pass it along you'll look unhinged because ... BURGER PATTIES. No reason to go there.

Well, like I said, the true examples aren’t trivial like burger patties.

feel free to tell us what kind of information would you be compelled to share?

The interesting part of this is that you all seem to think that one shall be ashamed of repeating what someone else is not ashamed of doing (to you).

I don’t believe you’re such inhibited people in real life.