Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:53
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:You guys don't like each other. You're offended by his gently teaching you manners while you don't get the point and start to pull your weight. He's miserable about life and you don't make him happy.
Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.
She pays her share. Are you the boyfriend or do you lack reading comprehension?
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:53
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If this is new behavior, it indicates some pent up resentment and he doesn’t think you are “chipping in” nearly as much as you think you are.
Possible, but also telling how much he cares. This gives work colleague vibes.
Men who are in love and who love their SO are happy to pay.
He does pay!
Women who are in love and who love their SO are happy to pay. OP doesn't love him.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:51
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
You guys don't like each other. You're offended by his gently teaching you manners while you don't get the point and start to pull your weight. He's miserable about life and you don't make him happy.
Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.
Break up, or be FWB and pay your share.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:49
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh what a turnoff.
OP, any other problematic traits? There have to be others.
Yes. Really the worst of it is that he is one of the most negative human beings I have ever met. For example, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and when he called me after work I was like "Happy birthday!" and his response was "I'm 37 and old and life has no meaning anymore." Wtf?
He just always has something negative to say about his own life, society at large (he literally thinks America is ending and will cease to exist in the next ten years...) or others.
The other is that he is constantly giving feedback when I don't want feedback and am just venting. For example I will say "Ugh, my boss was so rude today about XYZ" and instead of saying "that sucks I'm sorry" he will say "You should ask her about ABC" (which 9 times out of ten I already have, I am just venting). Although in fairness to him, this is a male trait in general, I think?
I haven't read the whole thread yet - but why are you with this guy, OP? He sounds terrible.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:47
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh what a turnoff.
OP, any other problematic traits? There have to be others.
Yes. Really the worst of it is that he is one of the most negative human beings I have ever met. For example, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and when he called me after work I was like "Happy birthday!" and his response was "I'm 37 and old and life has no meaning anymore." Wtf?
He just always has something negative to say about his own life, society at large (he literally thinks America is ending and will cease to exist in the next ten years...) or others.
The other is that he is constantly giving feedback when I don't want feedback and am just venting. For example I will say "Ugh, my boss was so rude today about XYZ" and instead of saying "that sucks I'm sorry" he will say "You should ask her about ABC" (which 9 times out of ten I already have, I am just venting). Although in fairness to him, this is a male trait in general, I think?
Oh wow, negativity is not going to get better. Please trust your instincts and move on. Don’t let fear keep you stuck!
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:39
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:OP here, I should add I am 31 and I'm starting to get scared. I don't want to be single but even I am (clearly, if I am posting here) starting to realize it might be time to call it quits and go back to being single, even at 31
Break up and freeze your eggs. You’re 31, not 41. Cut your losses.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:38
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh what a turnoff.
OP, any other problematic traits? There have to be others.
Yes. Really the worst of it is that he is one of the most negative human beings I have ever met. For example, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and when he called me after work I was like "Happy birthday!" and his response was "I'm 37 and old and life has no meaning anymore." Wtf?
He just always has something negative to say about his own life, society at large (he literally thinks America is ending and will cease to exist in the next ten years...) or others.
The other is that he is constantly giving feedback when I don't want feedback and am just venting. For example I will say "Ugh, my boss was so rude today about XYZ" and instead of saying "that sucks I'm sorry" he will say "You should ask her about ABC" (which 9 times out of ten I already have, I am just venting). Although in fairness to him, this is a male trait in general, I think?
Break up time. You don’t want to waste the rest of your life like this. It won’t get any better.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:36
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of just under a year has started telling me "I'll let you get this" or "Next round is on you" when we are out. To be clear, I am NOT the type of person who expects a man to pay for everything. If we are nickel and diming each other, I paid $200 for dinner last week and paid for a dinner last night (because I was the one who wanted to go out and picked the restaurant, so I offered to pay). It bothers me because I would never say to him, after paying for dinner, "Okay, next round is on you" because that just seems rude. Thoughts?
If you intend to be a couple, communicate to come up with a mutually acceptable financial arrangement.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:23
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ugh what a turnoff.
OP, any other problematic traits? There have to be others.
Yes. Really the worst of it is that he is one of the most negative human beings I have ever met. For example, his birthday was a couple weeks ago and when he called me after work I was like "Happy birthday!" and his response was "I'm 37 and old and life has no meaning anymore." Wtf?
He just always has something negative to say about his own life, society at large (he literally thinks America is ending and will cease to exist in the next ten years...) or others.
The other is that he is constantly giving feedback when I don't want feedback and am just venting. For example I will say "Ugh, my boss was so rude today about XYZ" and instead of saying "that sucks I'm sorry" he will say "You should ask her about ABC" (which 9 times out of ten I already have, I am just venting). Although in fairness to him, this is a male trait in general, I think?
This is concerning. The depression over his age, the fear of America ending, and his need to point out that women pay make him susceptible to red pill ideology. If he hasn’t been drawn into it already.
Personally I would bail. My xH went down that path and it didn’t end well.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 09:07
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
I actually think the “next round is on you” could be a light-hearted way to let the woman pay for a few things in situations where the man does the majority of paying and the woman has expressed interest in chipping in. So I don’t think it’s necessarily “rude” per se.
But what I’m seeing here is a general incompatibility. You aren’t seeing him as trying to be light-hearted; you think he’s rude. You aren’t thinking his birthday comment is darkly funny or sardonic; you think he’s a downer. And you don’t seem to want to talk these things over with him; you kinda just want to label him “wrong.”
Let him go and find what he wants. And you keep looking for someone who you find you want to give the benefit of the doubt to or work through issues like this with.
But what I’m seeing here is a general incompatibility. You aren’t seeing him as trying to be light-hearted; you think he’s rude. You aren’t thinking his birthday comment is darkly funny or sardonic; you think he’s a downer. And you don’t seem to want to talk these things over with him; you kinda just want to label him “wrong.”
Let him go and find what he wants. And you keep looking for someone who you find you want to give the benefit of the doubt to or work through issues like this with.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 08:44
Subject: Re:Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
You are 31. Still very young. I posted on another thread and I met my husband when I was 36 and we both fell in love like a couple of teenagers and got married very quickly. I was in a bad relationship from the age of 27 to 32. And like you when we broke up, I thought I would never find anybody. Boy was I wrong and now looking backwards, I realize how young I was at 32. I am now 60. You have so much life ahead of you. don't settle for a man like your boyfriend. You can definitely do better even being alone is better than being with him.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 08:41
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Break up. Negativity and poor communication are both disqualifiers.
At your age you don't have time to waste. Cut the cord and move on.
This! The negativity alone is so exhausting!
Anonymous
08/10/2024 08:41
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:OP here, I should add I am 31 and I'm starting to get scared. I don't want to be single but even I am (clearly, if I am posting here) starting to realize it might be time to call it quits and go back to being single, even at 31
You still have time if you dump him now. You do not want to married and have kids with this guy.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 08:20
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
He is forever going to be all over the place in what he wants. You will forever fail to get it right in his eyes. With his level of negativity he will always find fault in all that you do.
Anonymous
08/10/2024 08:19
Subject: Boyfriend telling me to pay for stuff
Anonymous wrote:Find a guy 6-10 years older. Now.[/quote
I'm convinced some of you don't read the posts you reply to. He IS 6 years older than her lol.