Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:37
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily a deal breaker, but triathlons, marathon running, and golf are all very big-time sucks, so I'd proceed with caution. It cost one friend a marriage because she was so obsessive about her training that she neglected her kids, marriage, and job.
This seems to be a feature of certain personality traits plus specific types of time-consuming sports. There have been threads in the past on DCUM about cyclists who put their training and multi-day rides etc. ahead of their lives beyond their "hobby" or "exercise."
I wonder if the endorphin rush from things like running and cycling (maybe weightlifting too?), for some people, affects their brains and bodies to the point that the craving for that rush overwhelms their common sense and skews their sense of perspective. From threads here about this over the years, it gets described much like an addiction.
It's like they're doing it to self-medicate a problem or have an eating/body image disorder. Just waaaay too intense for me. If you both like it, fine.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:37
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
I was involved with a guy post-divorce who asked me if I wanted to try mountain biking. I did, he bought us both very nice bikes and we both got totally into it, I loved it. He also asked me if I wanted to learn to roller blade. I did, he bought us nice roller blades, I ended up loving that too and we spent many hours enjoying that together.
Point is, a time consuming hobby doesn't have to be a deal breaker, it can sometimes instead be a life changer and a great source of fun and togetherness.
Since we were in our 40s no kids were involved so that helped.
Point is, a time consuming hobby doesn't have to be a deal breaker, it can sometimes instead be a life changer and a great source of fun and togetherness.
Since we were in our 40s no kids were involved so that helped.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:33
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Any hobby done by someone who has an obsessive, perfectionistic personality would be a no for me.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
Yes! If you have a “collection” I’m not interested.
Your knee-jerk lack of interest in apparently ANY type of collecting will mean that many people aren't interested in you, either, so don't worry about it. Win-win.
Haha-what do you collect???
What I do not collect: Boring, judgy people who toss off comments about how they can't be interested in anyone who collects...anything, ever. How very arrogant and judgemental. All you collect is dust.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:30
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Any hobbies that take most of the weekend and only involve them. Agree with the last poster, it's more of a function of their personality than the actual hobby.
Combine type A people with a time consuming hobby and you rarely see them, or everything has to revolve around their hobby.
Combine type A people with a time consuming hobby and you rarely see them, or everything has to revolve around their hobby.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:30
Subject: Re:Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Nonsense post. The issue is the obsession not the hobby.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:27
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily a deal breaker, but triathlons, marathon running, and golf are all very big-time sucks, so I'd proceed with caution. It cost one friend a marriage because she was so obsessive about her training that she neglected her kids, marriage, and job.
This seems to be a feature of certain personality traits plus specific types of time-consuming sports. There have been threads in the past on DCUM about cyclists who put their training and multi-day rides etc. ahead of their lives beyond their "hobby" or "exercise."
I wonder if the endorphin rush from things like running and cycling (maybe weightlifting too?), for some people, affects their brains and bodies to the point that the craving for that rush overwhelms their common sense and skews their sense of perspective. From threads here about this over the years, it gets described much like an addiction.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:20
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Any hobby done by someone who has an obsessive, perfectionistic personality would be a no for me.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
Yes! If you have a “collection” I’m not interested.
Your knee-jerk lack of interest in apparently ANY type of collecting will mean that many people aren't interested in you, either, so don't worry about it. Win-win.
Haha-what do you collect???
Anonymous
08/05/2024 16:19
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Any hobby done by someone who has an obsessive, perfectionistic personality would be a no for me.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
Yes! If you have a “collection” I’m not interested.
Your knee-jerk lack of interest in apparently ANY type of collecting will mean that many people aren't interested in you, either, so don't worry about it. Win-win.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 14:37
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anything that requires 3+ hours to do, they do it at least once a week and it takes priority over all else. Golf, marathons, gaming, college sports viewing… doesn’t matter what it is, if they refuse to attend another event because ‘the game is on, I’m almost at the next level, I always golf at 6, ….’ I’m out.
This. This is exactly what I was going to say. I have briefly dated two obsessive hobbyists (different hobbies). Never again.
+100
It's not the hobby it's the level of obsession.
The one deal breaker for a long term relationship would be (road) motorcycling or something equally dangerous if I was planning to have kids with the person. I would not want to set myself up to be a widow and long term nursemaid from an avoidable accident.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:39
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Any hobby done by someone who has an obsessive, perfectionistic personality would be a no for me.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
Yes! If you have a “collection” I’m not interested.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:38
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Agree with the militant dog/cat rescue being a deal breaker. It’s all they care about/talk about. And they get mad at you when you don’t want to give money for their cause.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:38
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Any hobby done by someone who has an obsessive, perfectionistic personality would be a no for me.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
A long as time / money the hobby itself requires is moderate and the person can be flexible, I don't care what they do.
With regards to collections. I was in a woman's house once who collected dolls. She had hundreds of dolls. It was very creepy. I can't imagine being her husband surrounded by all these faces staring emptily into every room. So for any collection, either it stays in a collection space (his office) or it is stored. I don't want a house full of any collection.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:36
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Politics. I really don’t even care which party but if you’re at the nutty edge I’m out.
Omg yes. Agree doesn’t matter which side-if you are crazy about I can’t deal.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:33
Subject: Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anyone who feels entitled to the family schedule revolving around their hobby, and anyone who has kids yet still expects copious leisure time and the other parent to be available at the whims of their hobby schedule. Doesn't matter what the hobby is-- I've been guilty of this with a choral singing activity myself.
Anonymous
08/05/2024 13:31
Subject: Re:Hobbies that are Dealbreakers?
Anonymous wrote:Militant dog/cat rescue involvement
A retired couple from my church are insanely involved with dog rescues. To the point where they get in somewhat dangerous situations. For example: the husband (72 yrs old) drove from CA to OK to some rescue to pick up a truckload of dogs to bring back here to CA. The rescue was poorly managed and he had to immediately turn around and head back to CA with all these dogs, having little rest. (He was expecting to stay in the town overnight before heading back with all the dogs.) It was an arduous trip back home and he was in no shape to be driving. All for a truckload of dogs. And I think he was expecting head pats or something, but I thought it was unnecessarily risky to make this trip. But, I guess we all make our choices.
DP. Sounds like the difference there, though, is you say the couple is involved. So this isn't about one half of the couple being deeply into something dangerous/obsessive/life-consuming while the other half is hating it. OP is talking about cases where one person has a hobby or passion that takes priority over the other person and the relationship. I get it, the man in your example was going solo (and it did not turn out well, I agree) but it's not an example of his doing it against his wife's wishes--right?