I would absolutely tell my siblings and encourage them to handle it with their kids. I'd also then tell my mom that we would be withdrawing from whatever horribly judgmental contest she was having with the grandchildren and she should re-rank everyone without your family.

She's simply awful.

Anonymous wrote:I’d start a ranking of family members and share it with your mother. Ensure she is last.

Then I’d never let her be alone w my kids ever again. And I’d spend as little time w her as possible.

Give her a ranking of grandparents/relative (her as last of course) along with the explanation that is why you no longer hang out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the least favorite and they sure made me know about it. Guess who they called when shit hit the fan and they needed help? Financial, emotional, "honey, we are losing our house". Their least favorite because their golden kids bailed on them. I did get my satisfaction.

Tell your DC that she doesn't owe them any type of relationship, let alone help. And save money on vacations visiting grandma.

Least favored kid here. I remember when I was going through a really rough patch in my 20s, asked for financial help to get out of it. My parents said "you got yourself into this, you get yourself out of this." Meanwhile, they were buying my sibling anything their heart desired.

When I came home for Christmas my freshman year my mom told me I was an adult now and wouldn't get Christmas presents because "we have to save our resources for the kids." On Christmas morning my three siblings opened MacBooks, dSLRs, iPods and mountains of other goodies. They also each opened a present I'd bought them with my minimum wage on campus job. I didn't get a single present.

I was the only child cut off from any birthday or Christmas presents upon becoming an adult.

Wow! Are you from the first marriage of your father?

This sounds like something only a (bad) step parent would instigate.

No, but my father resented me my whole life because I wasn't a son and because I was the end of his DINK life style. He wasn't ready to grow up when I was born, even though he was late 20s.

Anonymous wrote:“Wow, that was an extremely weird thing for grandma to say. There’s enough love for everyone, we don’t need to rank people we love. How odd!”

+1
But I would add “and hurtful” to the “extremely weird”

And then I’d repeat (again) the objection to my mom along with “mom—I have to assume you don’t understand the harm in what you’re doing, because thats the only rational explanation for this sort of narcissistic behavior. But I want to be sure you understand not only the oddity of ranking your loved ones by preference order, but also the emotional harm in sharing that “ranking order” with any of us.
It’s not a good feeling—even for the favored child or grandchild. And it makes you seem callous and unfeeling. We aren’t in competition for your love and we are concerned that somehow you’ve been made to feel that love is something that b needs to be rank-ordered and rationed, and that makes me sad for you. Please don’t treat your loved ones this way.”

Definitely tell your siblings. They can verify with their own kids, especially brother with his daughter. You can say that it hurt her and you wanted to let him know. He can do with this info what he wants. As for you, even obligatory visits are not worth it. Who are you obliged to? Your nasty mom?

You need to skip these trips and find another time to hang out with your healthy relatives.