The OP has stated that her sister s not good with money and she has expensive tastes, not to mention the dog. The parents have been bailing her out even though we don’t know if they are wealthy. Poor thing, she doesn’t want to live with a random roommate. So far, the sister [not a child) asks for money and the parents “help.” This will not end well. The young adult doesn’t need a bail out, she needs to grow up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they should give her nothing. She's 33! When is she going to buy her own condo?

I come from a wealthier family and they helped my buy my own townhouse in my early 20s. I had roommates to help me subsidize the cost. At no point would my parents have helped me or given me any additional money. If I had run into major issues like my house being foreclosed, they would have loaned me money, but it would have had an interest rate and would have been an official loan from them.

Wow i wish I had help in my 20s and a head start on equity.

+1. Pp got a hug leg up and is a hypocrite for criticizing OP’s sister.

I think OP’s parents are telling OP what she wants to hear, not what they truly feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they should give her nothing. She's 33! When is she going to buy her own condo?

I come from a wealthier family and they helped my buy my own townhouse in my early 20s. I had roommates to help me subsidize the cost. At no point would my parents have helped me or given me any additional money. If I had run into major issues like my house being foreclosed, they would have loaned me money, but it would have had an interest rate and would have been an official loan from them.

I think they should give her nothing. She's 33! When is she going to buy her own condo?

I come from a wealthier family and they helped my buy my own townhouse in my early 20s.

lol. Same thing ain’t it?

Anonymous wrote:I think they should give her nothing. She's 33! When is she going to buy her own condo?

I come from a wealthier family and they helped my buy my own townhouse in my early 20s. I had roommates to help me subsidize the cost. At no point would my parents have helped me or given me any additional money. If I had run into major issues like my house being foreclosed, they would have loaned me money, but it would have had an interest rate and would have been an official loan from them.

Wow i wish I had help in my 20s and a head start on equity.

They have the money, so their unwillingness to help is just some principle which who knows is useful or not. I am a simple person - if I can I help out, if I can’t, I don’t. I don’t give to charity or help random strangers. But I help my child when I can.

There are no public school teachers who make "good money"

she is working full time, in a job where she can always find employment

if your parents want to help her out some, that's fine

if they don't, they should stop

Anonymous wrote:I like the fact that she’s a teacher and has a dog. I’d be inclined to help her. teaching is a struggle career that your parents failed to warn her about. Also she needs to live where single men live she’s 33. All reasons to help. She moves to Rockville she’s going to be dating married men (hopefully not)

This. Teachers work so hard and make so little money, if I can afford to subsidize my kids in a career like that, I definitely would. Renting a one bedroom in a nice building in a suburb and buying nice clothes seems fine. She’s not in a luxury penthouse spending tons of cash on hookers and blow.

What lesson are your parents hoping to teach her by withdrawing their support? I’m sure if she had to, she would move someplace cheaper or leave teaching for a higher paying job. Do they want to be right or do they want her to be happy? How is she going to date living out in the boonies?? Let her spend some of her inheritance now and thank her for staying in her profession! We need more teachers!

Your sister will inherit money from your parents down the line anyway. What is the problem if she gets some of it now when she needs it instead of when she is 60?

Housing is one of the major areas where family money is spent, next to healthcare and education. She is not blowing the money on drugs, parties, boyfriends or vacations. She is a working adult whose income needs a bit of supplementation. All is well.

Signed - an estate attorney who works with many wealthy families

Anonymous wrote:She is a 33 year old on teacher's salary, to have a life and find a spouse, she needs to wear nice clothes and go out. As long as she isn't getting into debt, its fine to help with rent for a one bed apartment.

+1. She's not making that much as a public school teacher and has been sharing the rent with a roommate up to now. If I could afford it, I would help my child stay in the safe, nice neighborhood until she finds someone she is compatible with to share an apartment.

We would never pay for adult children to support themselves once they've finished school. We have public school teachers in my family and they all live within their means and support themselves fully.

Help her with a budget. It’s your parents now though. I think it’s pathetic, but it is what it is.

If my kid was in the same situation that OP described,my first question would be, "What's the plan Larla?" If Larla's only plan is ME, that's a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best approach would be to help her with down payment to buy a small condo she can afford and then let her handle it.

This is probably what we would do.

I hate to tell you but this is an outdated idea and here is why:

the less expensive the sale price of the condo, the higher the monthly maintenance fee

The result:
Buy a small less expensive condo under $200K will cost more than renting the same unit OR will cost roughly the same as buying a larger unit, with higher sale price , but less maintenance fee

Yup. And as condos age, the HOA fees go up. If the HOA is not well managed, then they have not planned for new roofs, water heaters (large buildings it's one big system), elevator maintenance, etc. Everything that comes with an aging building, x1000 for a high rise or even midrise condo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the insights. I'm not posing this question here to figure out a solution for my sister and parents, but rather, see how others would approach it. I have a young child, and DH and I have talked a little bit about how we want to be a safety net for our daughter as she gets older, but also want her to be independent. Given that this situation with my sister is happening now, it's made me reflect on how to create that balance in the future.

We will be a safety net for our kids--they are college and recently launched. However, that means having a full time job and living within your means. We help so they can save more for retirement and have a "nicer car", but wouldn't help if they were not financially stable.

In this case, your sister has no business having an animal. That restricts where you can live and costs money. She can work 2-3 months in the summer or get a weekend job during the school year. Heck, tutoring in most nicer areas like you describe will get her $50+/hr. Do that in evenings or weekends (10-12 hours per week) and she will be fine. Also if doing that, that is 10-12 less hours to party away and waste money. There are ways to figure it out. She is not "struggling" to survive. She just wants to live a better life than her job will allow. I would not finance that.

That is precisely what you are doing. Give me a break. You are exactly the same as OP's parents.

Nope! Our grown and flown kid can afford their nice apartment, their new car, everything they do and still afford to save for retirement. However, since we are UHNW we have chosen to start gifting them money now, when it matters the most. We want them to Max out their IRA and 401K plans. They would be putting aside about 20% without our help. They are not living in the most expensive place, but have a very nice place close to work. They do NOT need financial help to afford their 1 bedroom. They are downright frugal and love to save.

See the difference? While we do gift money, our kid has a great job, getting 10-15% raises each year, and chose a place to live that they can actually afford without any outside assistance. They still manage to save a lot even if we are not gifting them. So they (like any adult) live within a budget. They chose to have only basic furniture in their place because "they don't need more". They are incredibly grateful for our gifts and fo the big gift of having college paid for, as they have many friends who are now paying loans.