Anonymous wrote:I can't believe you'd waste (yes waste) money on crappy private high school and then not be willing to pay for college. Talk about messed up priorities! What was the point of the private high school?

+1

Anonymous wrote:You calmly, like the grown-up you are, you say

“Petunia, we have budgeted for in-state tuition. If you want to go out of state, if you work hard you can get some merit money and do so. It’s up to you.”

There is no point in telling her that you would be happy to pay for out of state if you thought more highly of her.

This is what my parents said to me and I had good grades. I went to a state school.

There are lots of schools in VA that you can get into.

My son struggles academically - community college is also an option we have talked about. I think talking about colleges and showing him schools is motivating.

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

Kids become high achieving excellent students who are involved in extracurricular activities because of the nurturing home and intelligent parents who prioritize education. You are a dud who has raised duds. Send them to college or not send them to college, it does not matter. Their success or failure does not concern you because you are a checked out parent.

Anonymous wrote:Community college

Send your kid there.

I can't believe you'd waste (yes waste) money on crappy private high school and then not be willing to pay for college. Talk about messed up priorities! What was the point of the private high school?

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

College is very easy. I swear to you some of our kids' TRULY dumb slacker classmates finished up at state schools in recent years within 4 years. It doesn't matter what they major in, just pick something easy and make sure they take 15 credits every semester, and you can even cheat the first couple summers and knock out easy classes at an online community college. As long as someone pays the tuition, they plow through and get a degree. Poor kids fail out because they don't have money or anyone watching over them.

I would help them apply to every possible in state school and tell them you will continue to pay the tuition as long as they keep their grades up.

Did you really just ask if you have to pay for college when your kids don’t have high GPAs but that you would pay if they were in the 3.8-4.0 range?


Yes. That’s wrong. Completely wrong. Good thing they go to Catholic school. You can stop by confession.

My DS worked hard at a Catholic HS and graduated with a 3.3. When he applied to college, he probably had a 3.1. He went to public ES and MS and got straight As. The expectations were significantly higher in Catholic school. He's at a Jesuit university now and he got better merit money than I expected (all of the other Catholic colleges gave him good merit money).

If money is an issue, sent them to an in-state public and see how they do.

You either love and help them, or you don't. But if you decide not to help them with college and getting ahead in life, then be prepared that when it comes to end-of-life situations, that they'll have the same attitude towards you. If you don't pay, then they'll let you burn your retirement money and then not help you until you own nothing and qualify for a medicare nursing facility and will put you in the first opening they can find where the state will pay for your elder care.

I can't imagine not helping my kids with something as critical as college. But you can tell them that they'll need to consider in-state options because the out-of-state options are too expensive.

You didn't do them any favors sending them to private school OP. It's no wonder their expectations are higher, because their peer expectations are higher, even for kids with average to awful GPAs.

Tell them you will only pay for community college or in state schools, that's it.

My husband barely graduated hs, joined the military out of hs, then did cc (first through military then a few years pt at nvcc) to being a pt student at Mason while working ft.

He has a degree in electrical engineering and works as a government contractor. He makes more than 2x what I do with a masters.

Don’t write kids off at 17/18. Some are late bloomers.

Most of my colleagues went to second-tier state schools. According to the 990, they all make more than I do (and it’s justified—they are all really smart and do good work!).

Unless your kids say they want to be Supreme Court justices, it’s perfectly fine for them to go to second (or third!)-tier state schools. Work hard, network harder, and focus on their first job out of school (or grad school, if that is the required path for them, but don’t burn money on a masters just to delay working in an entry level job).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think these are the kind of kids you should pay for because they likely need more help than the straight A kids

lol. Bless your heart.

The kids are lazy. So, the kids that work hard should be penalized and the lazy kids should get the reward/help.?

You’re such a democrat.

The OP wrote that the kids go to a Catholic high school. I suspect the grading structure is more traditional and more demanding than many schools today. (Keep in mind some Catholic schools use a 7-scale where you need a 93 to get an A. 92 is a B, not even an A-.)

I used to teach in a public school. The expectation was As for all students, and I was told by admin I was a good teacher when I had class averages around 95. (Nobody cared if I was actually teaching. They simply want to avoid parent complaints.) I now work in a Catholic high school with class averages at a much more realistic low 80s, and my curriculum and teaching is regularly reviewed by admin. My students still get into great colleges with these lower GPAs.

Colleges receive school profiles that show class averages. If a school’s average GPA is a 4.0, which some high schools have because of grade inflation, then a 2.9 looks dreadful and suggests a kid couldn’t even do the minimum. But if the profile shows an average GPA of 3.0, then a 2.9 shows the student is able to keep up with the rigor of the school on average with his/her peers.

A 2.9 in a private school doesn’t spell doom and gloom to me. This student can go to college and do quite well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are not high achieving students, college tuition is so incredible high. If my kids were excellent students, involved in extracurriculars then, yes, I can see paying most of it, all if they go to a state university. Right now their cum can’t even get them in a state college. DD has a glorified outlook she’ll go to an out of state, a not so “fancy” one says- they all cost $40k tuition nevermind lodging, foid, and transport. DH is the kind of guy that caves in…

They’re in a parochial, private high school that we are paying for with these lukewarm grades. I can’t afford more tutors. How did you deliver the news to the kids that they have no choice? To your “princess?”

I took that as short for cumulative.

And foid (firearm owners identification). Is supposed to be food.
I don’t think op is a women. Not only because of these autocorrect changes but also because she calls her child a princess in quotes.

And most women are more protective of their children than this. This is definitely a dude.