My dad will always pay unless we specifically invite them out on a birthday, their anniversary. My parents have plenty of money, as do we, so I think he just sees himself as always being the dad provider. I’m sure his father was the same way.

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Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

Refer to the PP above who understands how prosperous families operate.

Sometimes we treat, sometimes the kids treat…you know, like prosperous adults.

No thanks, I’m good with treating my children. I don’t need to refer to anyone else’s ‘rules’ because you are rabidly demanding children pay for their parents meals.

Because your kids need the money…we got it…you told us.

Re read the many posts where all the adults are doing well…maybe your family will learn something.

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Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

Refer to the PP above who understands how prosperous families operate.

Sometimes we treat, sometimes the kids treat…you know, like prosperous adults.

No thanks, I’m good with treating my children. I don’t need to refer to anyone else’s ‘rules’ because you are rabidly demanding children pay for their parents meals.

My parents typically paid for us but we pay for our in-laws.

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Anonymous wrote:This thread is weird. I mean we aren’t likely talking about the Inn at Little Washington I assume.

If your kids can’t afford to invite you to a casual meal somewhere, well there are bigger problems. At the same time, I don’t get why it is a flex to always pay for your kids.

You’re weird.

Do whatever you want. Force your kids families to pay for you, never say thank you, complain, pay for your elderly parents and your adult kids, or make them all pay for you. Make a sport out of getting others to pay for your stuff. Cool.

You are all over the place here. I think you need to calm down.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is weird. I mean we aren’t likely talking about the Inn at Little Washington I assume.

If your kids can’t afford to invite you to a casual meal somewhere, well there are bigger problems. At the same time, I don’t get why it is a flex to always pay for your kids.

You’re weird.

Do whatever you want. Force your kids families to pay for you, never say thank you, complain, pay for your elderly parents and your adult kids, or make them all pay for you. Make a sport out of getting others to pay for your stuff. Cool.

Anonymous wrote:My parents always try to pay but my DH often grabs the check first. I’d say it’s close to 50/50 but my parents paid for the vast majority of the last 20 years.

My DH’s parents never pay. Sometimes they offer but conveniently go to the bathroom when the check comes or when it’s time to order the takeout. It is what it is. Awkward and imbalanced but the norm for our family.

Same.

IL also like to say during long weekend visits, “let’s take turns!” But then their turn is always strategically a coffee or desert break or “light lunch,” or bus ticket. And our turn is the big dinner or $40pp admission tickets, etc.

The worst manner thing is they NEVER say thank you. Even the adult siblings who my spouse also pays for. Never heard a Thank You for 90% of the situations we are paying.

Maybe they think it’s their money or their son’s money so no need.

I'm 43 and my parents just bought my family lunch today! We normally pay on Mother's Day and Father's Day but they pay on most other occasions. My mother has been know to tell the waiter when we order to bring my Dad the bill at the end of the meal. They often come to our house for family meals and most holidays so it balances out. Both them and us are doing quite well financially so its not a big deal to either side.

Anonymous wrote:My parents always pay when we are together but ILs insist on splitting, which is find gross and distasteful bc they can more than afford it. My policy is if parents can afford to then pay, if not split.

My in laws never pay. It’s a real turn off and awkward. They’ll get stuff like a kids for cream and their own. Or eat soup when they go out, yet 3 courses plus wine when we are paying.

I don’t like how they alter their behavior based on who’s paying.

And they have millions in the bank plus tons of cash cow rental properties.

They also don’t vacation and they prefer to sit in our house for 2-3 weeks while we both work and the kids are in or out of school.

Anonymous wrote:I’m still paying for my kids meals, they are in college. When did they take you out and how often ? Or do you just go dutch with your kids?

We pay.

None of our kids or their families are local, and they have high taxes, high expenses, and lots to save for.

Sometimes a son in law tries to pay and then sneak his card to the waitstaff early on. When that happens we make sure to thank BOTH our daughter and SIL, as it is both of their money.

Anonymous wrote:I’m still paying for my kids meals, they are in college. When did they take you out and how often ? Or do you just go dutch with your kids?

We split it or one side pays if it’s a special occasion for the other.

Once spouses and grandkids enter the picture we definitely split it. We try to pay it forward but then it gets imbalanced with the adult kids who don’t have 1-3 kids, etc.

We like to gift time share units. Every time we go somewhere we book three large units, email out the details and 1-2 of our kids families try to make it. As their kids get to middle school they have more narrow travel times. So we are mindful of that too.

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Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

Refer to the PP above who understands how prosperous families operate.

Sometimes we treat, sometimes the kids treat…you know, like prosperous adults.

Anonymous wrote:I'll always wrestle with them for the bill

I love buying for them

This is my parents. But when they visit us and we get takeout etc we pay obviously. We have also done joint vacations where we booked a bunch of things and we don't ask to be paid back. Basically it's very fluid / we don't keep track with family.

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Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

Anonymous wrote:I’m still paying for my kids meals, they are in college. When did they take you out and how often ? Or do you just go dutch with your kids?

Its a bit unfair to expect that before they finish college and gain a proper professional job.