Anonymous wrote:My kids have ancient iPhones that don't work very well, so plans are made in person and I double check with the parent, because the times I didn't, there were issues (driving is needed).

Anonymous wrote:My daughter's best friend doesn't have a phone. She will make the plans in school and then have me text the mom. It's a pain and TBH, I really resent it. They pride themselves on being "phone free" but their kid uses the school chrome book the same way.

I tend to avoid trying to make plans with them as 13 years olds shouldn't need their mommies to arrange playdates.

Anonymous wrote:in the caveman days, kids used the house phone to call each other. that is still an alternative.

i think most kids have phones way too early and for dumb reasons.

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Anonymous wrote:Why can’t a kid without a phone just use email? Why does everything have to be texted?

They may as well make plans via telegram. They do not check email frequently enough to make spontaneous plans.

Don’t parents coordinate anyway, regardless of if the kids have phones? I’m not dropping my kid off at someone’s house if I haven’t heard from their parent to confirm

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No, my 11 year old tells me where they are going and when they will be home and I don't feel the need to call parents or otherwise involve myself

lol right?? What do you expect from a parent who hands her 11 year old and iPhone and says good luck!

Okay, team helicopter. If the idea that an 11 year old should not be trusted to manage such a basic social interaction as making afternoon plans isn't a recipe for anxious and incapable kids then I don't know what is.

I don't think it's helicopter parenting to want to know who your 11 year old is with.

This is absolutely not about generally knowing who friends are, this is about inserting yourself every single time kids want to get together. I've met all my kid's close friends and their parents. It does not mean every single time larla wants to meet up with larlita I need to call larlita's mom and coordinate. We are talking about 11 year olds, not 4 year olds.

Strange reasoning. Moms of 4 year olds have to plan, organize, supervise the play date. Moms of 11 year olds just have to consent with one another. And they have to each consent anyway?
But also… helicopter parenting is a relatively recent phenomena, as are cell phones for kids. And at least the anxious generation guy argues they exacerbate the problem of helicoptering because kids are always checking in! “Mom I’m at larla’s, but now we are going to Carla’s. Mom can I eat here?… etc” whereas before at that age you just had to use your judgment

My 11 year old, almost 12, doesn’t have a phone and neither do her close friends. Parents basically banned together to make this happen.

Why exactly do parents have to verbally consent each time their kids get together? My kid's neighborhood friends work out on their own which house to go to. I know the other parents, but I don't verbally "consent" to the other parent each time my kid goes over to their house or vice versa. Why would I?

Whether phones on the whole exacerbate helicopter parenting or not I don't know, but I think it is really excessive to demand to touch base with other parents for each and every social interaction.

If your kids don't have phones and that works for you, that's great, zero judgement here. But it is just not true that you would still have reason to be involved in their social planning if they did have phones, at least for existing friends whose families you already know.

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Anonymous wrote:Why can’t a kid without a phone just use email? Why does everything have to be texted?

They may as well make plans via telegram. They do not check email frequently enough to make spontaneous plans.

Don’t parents coordinate anyway, regardless of if the kids have phones? I’m not dropping my kid off at someone’s house if I haven’t heard from their parent to confirm

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No, my 11 year old tells me where they are going and when they will be home and I don't feel the need to call parents or otherwise involve myself

lol right?? What do you expect from a parent who hands her 11 year old and iPhone and says good luck!

Okay, team helicopter. If the idea that an 11 year old should not be trusted to manage such a basic social interaction as making afternoon plans isn't a recipe for anxious and incapable kids then I don't know what is.

I don't think it's helicopter parenting to want to know who your 11 year old is with.

This is absolutely not about generally knowing who friends are, this is about inserting yourself every single time kids want to get together. I've met all my kid's close friends and their parents. It does not mean every single time larla wants to meet up with larlita I need to call larlita's mom and coordinate. We are talking about 11 year olds, not 4 year olds.

Strange reasoning. Moms of 4 year olds have to plan, organize, supervise the play date. Moms of 11 year olds just have to consent with one another. And they have to each consent anyway?
But also… helicopter parenting is a relatively recent phenomena, as are cell phones for kids. And at least the anxious generation guy argues they exacerbate the problem of helicoptering because kids are always checking in! “Mom I’m at larla’s, but now we are going to Carla’s. Mom can I eat here?… etc” whereas before at that age you just had to use your judgment

My 11 year old, almost 12, doesn’t have a phone and neither do her close friends. Parents basically banned together to make this happen.

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Anonymous wrote:Why can’t a kid without a phone just use email? Why does everything have to be texted?

They may as well make plans via telegram. They do not check email frequently enough to make spontaneous plans.

Don’t parents coordinate anyway, regardless of if the kids have phones? I’m not dropping my kid off at someone’s house if I haven’t heard from their parent to confirm

.

No, my 11 year old tells me where they are going and when they will be home and I don't feel the need to call parents or otherwise involve myself

lol right?? What do you expect from a parent who hands her 11 year old and iPhone and says good luck!

Okay, team helicopter. If the idea that an 11 year old should not be trusted to manage such a basic social interaction as making afternoon plans isn't a recipe for anxious and incapable kids then I don't know what is.

I don't think it's helicopter parenting to want to know who your 11 year old is with.

This is absolutely not about generally knowing who friends are, this is about inserting yourself every single time kids want to get together. I've met all my kid's close friends and their parents. It does not mean every single time larla wants to meet up with larlita I need to call larlita's mom and coordinate. We are talking about 11 year olds, not 4 year olds.

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Anonymous wrote:I tried to avoid getting my kid a phone but once the kids turned 12 I noticed they make their own plans. One kid usually arranges a ride or I give my kid a ride. I had tongive in.

Kids shouldn't text with adults that arent family members. It puts everyone in an awkward situation.

Why would a text be awkward? Weird. Just communicate with people it’s not some kind of problem.

I was a scout leader and coach for kids’ teams. Nearly all adult-lead activities involving minors have loads of restrictions on one:one communication or interactions between a minor and adults for GOOD reasons.

I encourage you to seek out some Health and safety training through teams or scouts.