Anonymous wrote:I think it is a little unusual to single one person out of a group activity to have them audition to be your friend and to do it at a reservation type restaurant. I am not surprised she brought a couple more people from the group. I probably would too as it is an odd way to make friends and I would be thinking are they trying to date me?

If a get together naturally and organically happens, great but this exclusive only you and me and no one else approach is weird in itself. Usually people from activities go out in groups and friendships form organically from there. Not via an assessment of are we a match?

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a little unusual to single one person out of a group activity to have them audition to be your friend and to do it at a reservation type restaurant. I am not surprised she brought a couple more people from the group. I probably would too as it is an odd way to make friends and I would be thinking are they trying to date me?

If a get together naturally and organically happens, great but this exclusive only you and me and no one else approach is weird in itself. Usually people from activities go out in groups and friendships form organically from there. Not via an assessment of are we a match?

Anonymous wrote:

I think it is a little unusual to single one person out of a group activity to have them audition to be your friend and to do it at a reservation type restaurant.

I was interested in getting to know her in particular after learning we were stepparents of kids approximately the same age, but that proved not to be enough in common.

Anonymous wrote:

I think it is a little unusual to single one person out of a group activity to have them audition to be your friend and to do it at a reservation type restaurant.

I was interested in getting to know her in particular after learning we were stepparents of kids approximately the same age, but that proved not to be enough in common.

I think it is a little unusual to single one person out of a group activity to have them audition to be your friend and to do it at a reservation type restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Once I invited a bunch of moms out knowing two of my friends were also going and we had all agreed to go out. One mom wrote back. "I'm not interested". For years I thought this woman didn't like me, but it tuns out she's been friendly over the years to me and just don't like to socialize. Our kids are still friends. We are not close, but we get along. Just understand this person you are dealing with has a different way of doing things. Her actions are understandably rude to you but likely not meant to be rude.

This is not the same thing though. The mom you are talking about was just direct. She wasn't interested in that outing and said "I am not interested." It could be considered rude, yes, but the alternative was for her to lie (I'm busy, oh I'd love to but I'm not feeling well, whatever). Instead she just told the truth and you were understandably a little put off. But then her behavior remained consisted and eventually you realized, oh, she just doesn't do gatherings like this. Okay.

OP's situation is different. This woman accepted OP's invitation (indicating she wanted to hang out with OP) and then went behind OP's back to add other people to it and surprised OP with that. The woman is not being direct or consistent. Did she ever want to be friends with OP? Sounds like on this outing, the other woman socialized more with the two women she'd invited without telling OP, than with OP who had made the plans originally. Why agree to OP's original invite at all then? And then after OP is like "ok I guess we aren't really friends, nbd," now this woman has become friends with OP's other group of friends and is around all the time? It's weird.

In your story, I get what the deal is with the other mom -- she's just not someone who socializes a lot but she's otherwise a good person and can be friendly and pleasant. Okay. In OP's story, I don't get this other woman. She seems to put herself in situations where she will be interacting with OP, even though she doesn't seem to want to be friends with OP. It makes no sense and I get why OP is confused and uncomfortable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like normal life to me, I wouldn’t do anything. We don’t have to love everyone we meet, just treat them with kindness and respect. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Maybe branch out and make some more friends that you do have more in common with.

+1
But to put myself in OP’s shoes, it would be nice if —once in a while—she could get together with the people she likes more and has more in common with WITHOUT this other person being there. And it seems that at this point it would be viewed as “hostile “ if OP initiated a night or lunch out without including her.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has been in Op's situation once in a awhile

Anonymous wrote:OP Once I invited a bunch of moms out knowing two of my friends were also going and we had all agreed to go out. One mom wrote back. "I'm not interested". For years I thought this woman didn't like me, but it tuns out she's been friendly over the years to me and just don't like to socialize. Our kids are still friends. We are not close, but we get along. Just understand this person you are dealing with has a different way of doing things. Her actions are understandably rude to you but likely not meant to be rude.

I'm confused -- was this a love interest thing at the begining?


I don't think OP has clarified. Maybe it was on OP's part but not the other person which is why she invited others to deflect?

Anonymous wrote:My guess is that this person is kind of socially aggressive generally (like it's interesting she's suddenly friends with you other group of friends outside this sport--- not malicious or anything, but she sounds like the sort of person who is good at kind of pushing her way into a social circle).


It probably just means she's very friendly which sure could mean socially aggressive but at the same time this person never did invite OP anywhere. OP invited her and then stopped inviting. So this person isn't stopping inviting OP. She just never did in the first place. It sounds like a town where people meet each other all the time. The person didn't push into OP's circle. They probably didn't know this other friend was a good friend of OP's or they thought this was a commonality between them. OP sounds very formal and easily put off my minor issues. I remember so many moms like this at birthday parties who would just be a Debbie downer about something while the birthday mom was just trying to keep the 20 kids invited safe and the party moving along. If the woman isn't mean and just didn't follow OP's protocol for manners than I just don't see this being a huge issue. Why make an awkward situation out of it? Just don't invite her again one on one. What will likely happen is that OP will be the one shut out of get togethers because she has this hang up that moms who hang out have to have all this formality with their get togethers. She sounds very young. Most moms realize they are very busy people and make forgiveness for this sort of thing or are happy to have others join in and just prioritize the fun experiences and social inclusion over the etiquette.

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused -- was this a love interest thing at the begining?