Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:56     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.


Oh FFS. This enrages me. Your gift was fine.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:49     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.


It's a NYC/Long Island area thing. I grew up nearby in CT and had never heard of this till I spent some time living in Long Island. In grad school, myself and some classmates were quite perturbed when we attended a wedding and the bride voiced displeasure about so and so's gift not covering the cost of the plate. None of us had heard of this rule prior.

I will also say, Long Island/NY suburb areas also have some crazy wedding displays. I went to one where the bride and groom were lifted into the middle of the dance floor by an elevator type thing complete with dry ice smoke. Also, the dessert display is absolutely INSANE - like they peel back an entire wall with sparklers, etc. to tables of desserts.

But also, the Italian food at those weddings was off the chain. Appetizer hour could not be beat. 8 different types of pasta and someone hand rolling fresh mozzarella in water.

Went to several weddings like this.

Making myself hungry....


DP to add, have been to weddings in upstate NY and it's completely different, and there's no "cover your plate" expectation.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:48     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.


It's a NYC/Long Island area thing. I grew up nearby in CT and had never heard of this till I spent some time living in Long Island. In grad school, myself and some classmates were quite perturbed when we attended a wedding and the bride voiced displeasure about so and so's gift not covering the cost of the plate. None of us had heard of this rule prior.

I will also say, Long Island/NY suburb areas also have some crazy wedding displays. I went to one where the bride and groom were lifted into the middle of the dance floor by an elevator type thing complete with dry ice smoke. Also, the dessert display is absolutely INSANE - like they peel back an entire wall with sparklers, etc. to tables of desserts.

But also, the Italian food at those weddings was off the chain. Appetizer hour could not be beat. 8 different types of pasta and someone hand rolling fresh mozzarella in water.

Went to several weddings like this.

Making myself hungry....
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:04     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?


Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.


Do you run these sorts of calculations when you have a dinner party at home and your guests bring a hostess gift? Let's see, $120 on filet mignon, eight people, her share was $15, plus the mashed potatoes at .75 and the asparagus at $1.25 and the mousse at $1.50, plus cocktails and wine, I think she had two glasses ... and on the other hand, the flower arrangement she brought probably cost $40 ... so running the numbers ..."

Seriously?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:04     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Assuming you are giving a cash gift, share how much you plan to give and any context for 2024. No, I’m not asking what you gave ten years ago!

- For a standard wedding OR a wedding that was really expensive to travel to, I give $100-150
- For a very nice black tie wedding, I give $200-$250
- ALWAYS x2 for plus one
- All in, thats probably $200-500
- If I am invited but can’t make it, I do a flat $100 from both of us
- i routinely turn down invites if I dont feel “close” because most weddings I am invited to are out of town

I am of a cultural context of “cover your plate” but am well aware for a nice wedding, $200 might not be enough to cover your plate


This sentiment is tacky no matter what your “cultural context.”

I don’t understand this thread—you have no question. You just want to shout onto the internet what you gift at weddings?


I am the OP - the question is literally in the first sentence. Fine, il add "can you" & "share how much you plan to give and any context for 2024". Thanks for not answering the question.


How does me answering the question help anyone? There must be almost countless threads on this already, some of them very recent, threads that I’m pretty sure include what I give—but you think adding “2024” makes this somehow new and relevant? New enough for you to post blah blah blah declaring yourself?


NP
Your “friends” hate you. I know this for a fact.


Nope.

But they definitely hate people who feel the need to declare themselves all over the place.


Sick burn!
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:02     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?


Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.


You’re disgusting. Judging people based on what amount of money you can get out of them.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 10:01     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?


Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.


"covers barely anything" - so it's an entrance fee?

Some people do a simple wedding in their backyard, or at City Hall. People who want more than that can spend the money for a big party, of course. The cost is on them, not their guests (who are not "guests" at all if they are expected to "cover" costs).
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 09:59     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?


Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.


So don’t throw a black tie wedding. Your daughter didn’t pay anything for it, so she came out $50 per couple ahead.

I assume most young people hate black tie weddings.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 09:55     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


Your daughter gave no focus to how grateful she was to have her friends there to celebrate with her? Wonder where she learned to be such a gracious hostess?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 09:49     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
250 is always a safe bet. It's always a solid gift and appreciated. Don't overthink it. I got married 3 years ago and can't even remember what people gave me. However, I do remember a few guys who gave me way more than I expected but you don't need to be that guy.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 09:48     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?


Of course it is not to turn a profit. It’s just a statement that a gift of $25/person covers barely anything. It just goes to show people have differing social norms - this was not a case of not being able to afford gifting more. But if you are so focused on profit, it cost us $325 a plate inclusive of tax and service fee (its about 30% these days) for catering & open bar, so we are “officially” negative $600 on these particular guests. Weddings prices have gone out the door these days.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 09:33     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).


So the goal is to turn a profit?
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 08:48     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Ha! We just hosted a black tie wedding in DC proper and had a set of my children’s local friends gifted $50 (so $25 a person). Trust me, they can afford to give way more. My daughter was shocked at how cheap her friends were! It barely covered the cost of a single cocktail at the hotel bar afterparty (which of course they attended).
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 08:44     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.


What's funny is that you were probably invited as someone they never expected to attend, but they would get a wedding gift. Unfortunately, I have some relatives like that and I simply decline and throw the wedding invite in the trash...and never think about it again. Our family is huge, so there are some cousins and 2nd cousins that either I have never met in my life or met once like 25 years ago.

Anonymous
Post 05/14/2024 08:31     Subject: Wedding season 2024- going gift amount?
Yeah, I had no idea about the NY “premium” on wedding gifts. I send a card with $100 to a nephew I hadn’t heard from in ten years, despite my sending cards and small gifts during that time. (I was traveling and didn’t attend the wedding.) I was informed by another family member that that amount was insulting. 🙄 Of course, that gift wasn’t acknowledged, either.