Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:19     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

If your coworker hauled off and punched one of your teeth out, would you go back to work? Kids who are forced into schools they hate sometimes commit suicide. I bring that up not to shame you but to make the right decision for your kid.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:18     Subject: Re:School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you fight the suspension? I would be angry if a kid tripped my kid and he managed a tooth and then the same kid harassed my kid with no consequences while my kid got a suspension. Was it a hard shove? Did the other kid get hurt?


Agree. I’d be in the office everyday trying to figure this out. It is hard. I know. But this is urgent. It is hard to get suspended. I hope the other kid was punished as well.

I hope the father is involved as well.


I agree but I will say that I think some schools have gone in the other direction post-covid and suspend very easily and very rigidly.


As they should! Responding with violence is never the answer, and Op's son is old enough to know this and process this. All violence should be responded to with suspension, because otherwise any kid could claim anything they wanted to justify their violence. That is why there is rightfully a no tolerance policy.

I have seen violent kids claim "bullying" when in fact there was harassment from the violent side. The schools aren't stupid. If your kid is prone to snapping, get him help. Don't sic him on the other kids. The other kids have a right to a learning environment without violence.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:17     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?


It was an adult tooth. He's handled the actual dental visits like a champ, but seeing the kid who did it is another story. We've told the school this over and over, but they insist the offender won't do it again. I mean...probably not, but I don't joking about it is appropriate either.

I wouldn't say he's way above. 2-3 years, depending on the subject. He's not, like, one of those kids you homeschool because they're doing calculus in 5th grade.


I would sue the school and the kid who tripped them.

Yea IMO this is not an over-reaction and it would teach DS not to put up with s---. You can probably do it in small claims court without hiring a lawyer.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:16     Subject: School refusal after suspension
You have referred to your kid as smart and gifted. Maybe your attitude is rubbing off on him.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:13     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?


It was an adult tooth. He's handled the actual dental visits like a champ, but seeing the kid who did it is another story. We've told the school this over and over, but they insist the offender won't do it again. I mean...probably not, but I don't joking about it is appropriate either.

I wouldn't say he's way above. 2-3 years, depending on the subject. He's not, like, one of those kids you homeschool because they're doing calculus in 5th grade.

Oh yea, if he were getting education on level with his IQ he might be several grades higher.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:13     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?


It was an adult tooth. He's handled the actual dental visits like a champ, but seeing the kid who did it is another story. We've told the school this over and over, but they insist the offender won't do it again. I mean...probably not, but I don't joking about it is appropriate either.

I wouldn't say he's way above. 2-3 years, depending on the subject. He's not, like, one of those kids you homeschool because they're doing calculus in 5th grade.

I would have filed a police complaint. That is capital A Assault. Obviously would not help your problems with the school, though.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:11     Subject: Re:School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

This kid needs to be put in a contact sport so he stops giving off weanie vibes.

I would find out where your local homeschoolers congregate online and try to get him in a homeschool pod. Alot of homeschool families are single income and would be happy to bring your kid into their fold for modest compensation. Is he old enough to be left at home all day?

My husband was gifted also and was miserable in public school. He was also suspended several times for fighting bullies but not in elementary.

I would also recommend putting him in enrichment with other nerd kids, like a chess class, so he doesn't feel socially alone all of the time.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:10     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?


It was an adult tooth. He's handled the actual dental visits like a champ, but seeing the kid who did it is another story. We've told the school this over and over, but they insist the offender won't do it again. I mean...probably not, but I don't joking about it is appropriate either.

I wouldn't say he's way above. 2-3 years, depending on the subject. He's not, like, one of those kids you homeschool because they're doing calculus in 5th grade.


I would sue the school and the kid who tripped them.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:08     Subject: Re:School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:Any interest in theatre? My DD is in a private theatre company that does a musical every fall and spring. There is a cohort of non-sporty boys that seem to sign up most sessions and are clearly good buddies. It's a blast!

Oh, and please let him play video games. And encourage him to wear some t-shirts.


Good idea. He says he doesn't like theater, but he did seem to enjoy the private school productions. We'll look into that.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:07     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?


It was an adult tooth. He's handled the actual dental visits like a champ, but seeing the kid who did it is another story. We've told the school this over and over, but they insist the offender won't do it again. I mean...probably not, but I don't joking about it is appropriate either.

I wouldn't say he's way above. 2-3 years, depending on the subject. He's not, like, one of those kids you homeschool because they're doing calculus in 5th grade.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:04     Subject: School refusal after suspension
And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:04     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Was this an adult tooth or a baby tooth? If it was an adult tooth I would literally file a police complaint.

This kid hates this school. I would not put them back. The school is really damaging his mental health and even separating him from the bully is not going to be enough.

Is he way above grade level academically?
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:03     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he needs an IEP. I would start the process immediately. It will protect him from further discipline for behavior he clearly cannot control.


An IEP won’t keep you from discipline for violent behavior.


But it does open the adults and the district to discrimination claims
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:02     Subject: Re:School refusal after suspension
Any interest in theatre? My DD is in a private theatre company that does a musical every fall and spring. There is a cohort of non-sporty boys that seem to sign up most sessions and are clearly good buddies. It's a blast!

Oh, and please let him play video games. And encourage him to wear some t-shirts.
Anonymous
Post 05/13/2024 12:02     Subject: School refusal after suspension
Anonymous wrote:I would love to hear the other parent's side of this story.

Knocking out a kid's tooth does not seem like a proportional response to a trip.


What? it was DS who was tripped and his tooth knocked out. When the kid who tripped him stuck his foot out in front of again (the teacher said it was done in a joking manner, it happened when DS was walking to the teacher's desk to turn something in), DS shoved him. The kid was sitting at his desk, DS did not shove him hard enough to knock him out, and he and was not injured. I agree DS can't be shoving people, but the physical harm done was all on him.