Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

DP. Not chores per se, but independence and responsibility is good for self confidence. Having mommy come pick up your dirty underwear and vacuum up your crumbs is not a sign of good mental health.

Our kids have all had chores including all of the skills needed to live on their own. Dishes, laundry, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, how to vacuum (and when to empty the collection chamber), iron clothes. They don't have to do all of these things all of the time everyone in the house takes turns so the house runs smoothly. Our oldest just graduated from college this past weekend and mentioned that she never realized other parents didn't teach these things. The girl she shared her apartment with (didn't know her before she moved in) did not know how to do any of these things. She also did not know how to cook anything beyond warming in the microwave and toast. DD tried to teach her the basics. Teach your kids how to be adults!

I am surprised that so many people think kids should not have any household responsibilities. Mine are late elementary now, and have been responsible for taking out the trash and putting away their (already folded) laundry for years now. I actually feel like I'm failing a little bit by not requiring that they contribute more. I think its important that kids understand they are part of a larger household, and that we all need to work together to keep things orderly and running smoothly. Life skills are an added bonus.

Anonymous wrote:I never did chores either and my house is spotless like a boss now. Don’t require chores for my kids either

Do you have a cleaning service?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Chores aren't the be all and end all but they are an important way to build responsibility and independence and mastery and to be a contributing member of a family. Sure adults can learn to cook and clean, they can also learn to read and drive and write. It doesn't mean it is ideal to leave learning until later in adulthood.

I used to work at a college and some kids came with few life skills and expected that there would be a 'someone' to meet all their needs and wants. While a few figured it out on the go when they were told they had to do it, many didn't and struggled with homesickness, depression, anxiety and some left school in the first semester. Not being able to make a bed or do your laundry or clean a dish or cook a basic meal or take a bus or manage any money or clean up after themselves or boil water isn't something that a young adult should be proud of. Being a contributing member of a family goes a long way to being able to be a contributing member of a dorm on campus. The kids who think others should do everything for them and that cleaning / cooking is beneath them don't make friends easily outside of others who have had maids / nannies / parents who have done everything for them.

No chores did not make me a better person or more capable.

I did vacuuming and dusting, put away dishes. That was plenty.

I hired maids in my 20s and never looked back.

I do think most of the "kids shouldn't lift a finger" crowd are UMC and have household help who do it all for them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

You’re extrapolating and making many incorrect assumptions. Chores don’t make kids confident, promise. You’ve been sold on something that isn’t true.

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have to lift a finger growing up, but some easy stuff like setting the table while chatting with my mom (who taught very part time and always during my school hours so close to sah). I never did any actual cleaning. I did happily help out with cooking and baking on the weekends if my dad was cooking.

I learned how to use a washing machine etc. living in dorms/campus apartments. The first year my suite mates and I were responsible for cleaning our bathroom and it was clear none of us had before. Once it got nasty (it was probably a biohazard by that), we just figured it out. We are now a physician, biglaw attorney, software engineer, and non-profit manager — objectively very high functioning members of society.

Helps to grow up wealthy and connected. Amirite

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

This can be taught through other things besides chores

I didn’t have to lift a finger growing up, but some easy stuff like setting the table while chatting with my mom (who taught very part time and always during my school hours so close to sah). I never did any actual cleaning. I did happily help out with cooking and baking on the weekends if my dad was cooking.

I learned how to use a washing machine etc. living in dorms/campus apartments. The first year my suite mates and I were responsible for cleaning our bathroom and it was clear none of us had before. Once it got nasty (it was probably a biohazard by that), we just figured it out. We are now a physician, biglaw attorney, software engineer, and non-profit manager — objectively very high functioning members of society.

I had a ton of chores as a child and I don't think it helped me at all. My family was very militant and stressful when I was a kid and I remember having to do stuff like leave sleepovers at 8am so I could go home and do my Saturday chores. My siblings and I had to help with dinner and had to clean the dining room and kitchen every night without my parents (my dad used to joke "that's why we had you" har har).

We also had physical and verbal abuse in my family (often linked to chores -- the failure to do a chore, or doing it incorrectly or insufficiently, was one of the most likely reasons for being punished) and also what I now recognize as neglect.

Ironically, as an adult I sound pretty similar to OP who did very few chores as a child -- I was kind of messy and lax about chores in my 20s/30s but buckled down as I got older, realizing I wanted a clean home, and now in my 40s am pretty tidy.

I do have my kid do some chores but most are related to taking responsibility for herself -- clearing her own place at the dining table, packing her own lunch, putting away her clothes, making her bed. I don't make her scrub toilets or wash the floors, though when she is in middle school we will have her start cleaning her own bathroom weekly (but she will not have to leave sleepovers to do it! I can clean a bathroom in 15 minutes and I'll show her how).

To me if kids are learning how to take responsibility for their own bodies and things (keeping track of their homework, learning good personal hygiene) and also learning skills on how to keep things from getting too messy and gross, that's enough. I will likely never ask my kid to clean out the fridge, deep clean a rug, etc. Unlike my parents, that's NOT why I had her.

There is a difference between chores for the sake of having chores and giving your kids the opportunity to foster some independence.

I didn't have a ton of chores growing up but my siblings and I were each responsible for doing out own laundry after we were taught how in Home Ec in 5th grade. Could I have learned how to do it in college? Sure, but as a middle schooler it was empowering to be totally responsible for my clothes. I planned what I was going to wear, had to make sure it was clean and often had the natural consequences of having to dig my favorite jeans out of the hamper. I loved fashion and making fun outfits, experiment with fabrics, etc. Now I do all my own mending, make some of my own clothes, and am a master at stain removal. I don't think that's why my parents gave me that chore but it happened to work out well.

I don't think every kid needs to do every chore. But giving your kid a chore that is aligned with their natural interests gives them the ability to foster independence and a skill. If you have a kid who likes to cook with you, something kitchen related may make sense. Or for the kid who loves animals, they need to do all the dog/cat feeding. Someone who loves the outdoors needs to do all the watering in the summer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.

We know that self confidence comes from mastery - not from being told how amazing you are. Learning skills and increasing independence and responsibility does a world of good for self confidence. Contributing rather than being on the sidelines when it comes to activity for mental health and well-being. If you want to raise kids who have healthy mental health, they need to learn skills, and independence and responsibility and to learn coping skills and resilience. They don't get them from having everything done for them and having nothing but praise and a focus on positive feelings and externalizing responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I’d had more chores. I was raised by a SAHM who handled everything.

I think having chores would have helped ground me and give me a break from schoolwork. It would have made me feel more a part of the family unit and like I was contributing.

Same.

This is getting closer to the main benefit of chores, that many people are missing.

It's not just to lean how to do the chores, it's to have importance as a contributing member of a household. Kids need to feel like they matter, and being a helper, both at home and as a volunteer helping a community contribute to better mental health.

I did lots of chores growing up and yet it didn’t make me feel like “I mattered.”

I don’t see why chores would make a kid feel this way? Affection, love, laughter, talking, adventure - those are things that matter.