Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 17:26     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Anonymous wrote:DD is graduating from 5th going into 6th grade/middle school. She has made it very clear that she wants an iPhone for graduation. A handful of her friends already have them (got them over the past year), and after talking to nearly all of her friends’ parents it seems like everyone is planning to give their kid an iPhone for graduation.

DH is very opposed and has put his foot down that he doesn’t want her having an iPhone for at least another year - his main reason is that he thinks she will be glued to it 24/7 and addicted to it, regardless of whether or not we set ground rules (or the fact that she is in school for most of the day 5 days a week where you can’t have them out). DD already has an iPad so she is on group text chats with friends and access to the internet. She knows we have a no social media policy so that isn’t happening regardless.

DH is willing to get her an Apple Watch so she can communicate but of course that’s not what she wants. To me, given her iPad and the potential Apple Watch he is ok with I don’t understand why a phone is so different and where he draws the line.

I guess I am looking for advice because DD is furious and sulking since DH has made it clear to her she won’t be getting an iPhone and he doesn’t even want to discuss it further. I feel like he is making it a much bigger thing than it needs to be.


It's good that your children have a sane father.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 17:21     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
We waited until 7th grade.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:56     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Read “ The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt and you’ll agree with your DH. I knew iPhones were bad for kids but never to the extent I learned in the book .
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:54     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
It is extremely hard for DCUM to agree on something so that tells you a lot OP.

I regret giving our 6th grader a phone. She plays a lot of sports and I wanted her to get in touch with us if she needed to.

The minute I realized that she was started to get so much into it, I pulled the plug and deleted every app except for the phone app, messages, camera and maps.
Yes, I deleted the browser too and made sure to turn on the parental permissions if she wanted to download any other app.

She got angry and sulked for a couple of weeks but things got much better from there on.

Perhaps a happy medium would be to give her an iPhone with no other apps other than the absolute necessary ones: phone, messages, camera and maps
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:39     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
100% team DH.
Signed,
Parent of 2 middle school kids- one with phone and 1 without
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:31     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Anonymous wrote:Team DH. We got our kid a phone after 5th and it was a huge mistake. Replaced it with a flip phone midway through 6th, and that has worked much better. But wish we had never given the smartphone in the first place. Kids find ways onto social media (if not TikTok and instagram then YouTube and a million other platforms). Most kids that age are just not ready to be online all day wherever they go. And starting middle school is stressful enough without having to navigate the whole internet all the time too.


All that can be done on an iPad, too.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:24     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Team DH. We got our kid a phone after 5th and it was a huge mistake. Replaced it with a flip phone midway through 6th, and that has worked much better. But wish we had never given the smartphone in the first place. Kids find ways onto social media (if not TikTok and instagram then YouTube and a million other platforms). Most kids that age are just not ready to be online all day wherever they go. And starting middle school is stressful enough without having to navigate the whole internet all the time too.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:02     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Team dh
Also you sound like your daughters best friend instead of a parent. Don’t make your husband parent alone.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 16:00     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all sound a bit over the top. I have a 7th grader. He has one friend who doesn’t have a phone. That kids isn’t allowed to do anything. No hanging it out. No getting a ride home from school even if it’s raining. Parents are super strict. They are school friends. Maybe it’s different with boys but no spat or insta. They barely text.


My 7th grader doesn’t have one. If he really needs to text he can do so form my phone. He also just borrows peoples phones if he wants me to pick him up. It has been fine.


So you rely on other kids having a phone if he needs one.


He can walk into the school office is he needs to. And yes, someone always has a phone.


Cheapskate.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 15:44     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You all sound a bit over the top. I have a 7th grader. He has one friend who doesn’t have a phone. That kids isn’t allowed to do anything. No hanging it out. No getting a ride home from school even if it’s raining. Parents are super strict. They are school friends. Maybe it’s different with boys but no spat or insta. They barely text.


My 7th grader doesn’t have one. If he really needs to text he can do so form my phone. He also just borrows peoples phones if he wants me to pick him up. It has been fine.


So you rely on other kids having a phone if he needs one.


He can walk into the school office is he needs to. And yes, someone always has a phone.
Anonymous
Post 05/12/2024 15:41     Subject: DH refuses to let DD get iphone
If she has an Apple Watch and iPad she will still be on group texts etc