OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this. My story was similar, though I was not a SAHM. For the non-financial issues, you may want to follow the account, "ididnotkillmyhusband" on Instagram.

Anonymous wrote:Lol that they will qualify for affordable housing. There's a big gap between $1.3 m home and a bunch of cars and a year's salary as life insurance and $5k a month of social security and what you need to even join the voucher or public housing waiting list.

She will have to settle the estate but after that, she may qualify.

Pancreatitis is progresses quickly.

I’m so sorry, OP.

OP, if you are a teacher, summer is a great time to pick up tutoring work. Much of it is online that you can do from home, or some people will bring their kids to your house, and you can tutor at your kitchen table while your kids watch a video. Tutoring rates are crazy high -- I was paying between $40 and $100 hour for a teacher-tutor. And some people will pay under table.

Your kids will also likely be eligible for Social Security payments after their father dies, if he had a work history before his illness. (You can probably get an estimate from the SSA.)

Good luck - -I feel so awful for you. I had a sibling whose spouse also wracked up awful debts before a divorce, and they ended up having to file for bankruptcy, becuase it happened at the same time as the real estate market crash, so they were suddenly under water on the house.

I agree you need more specialized help, but if you can sell one car, I might use that to pay down the HELOC. Those often have really high rates (especially if it's adjustable -- it might go up soon), and your name is on the house. I think if you own the house in joint tenancy, it will go 100% to you on his death, so I *think* his creditors can't come after the house.

I would not at all worry about college at this point -- your kids are young and you have bigger fish to fry.

OP, just to see a trusts and estates lawyer. This is not going to be that bad. If he can't work now, have dh apply for ssdi now.

Lol that they will qualify for affordable housing. There's a big gap between $1.3 m home and a bunch of cars and a year's salary as life insurance and $5k a month of social security and what you need to even join the voucher or public housing waiting list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

This.

Get a job, an affordable apartment (if you live in the DC area, see if you can qualify for affordable housing), a beater car that you can use, enroll kids in a decent public school, and prepare to sell the house to pay off his debts.

Get medical POA and freeze his credit so that he can’t open any more accounts. That should be easy if he has a pancreatitis diagnosis. Ask his doctor about this. You might need to pay a small fee to an attorney to get this but it’s well, well worth it.

You can do this. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’ll say it again- you can do this.

This seems excessive.

If the husband made at least 150K a year (which would be really low for a 1.3 million house) she would get a family maximum of $5,862 in survivors benefits. (Each child gets $2,500 She would hit the max just with her children. Plus she would also be eligible at retirement age if they were married for at least 10 years even if they are divorced when he dies.)

And that doesn’t even include the life insurance and home equity. There’s no need for a beater car.

Sure, she’ll have to down grade her lifestyle. No more luxury cars. But she can afford a Honda Odyssey and she might even be able to afford to stay in the house if she stops with the luxury spending.

She will be just fine. She could easily wait a few years to go back to work full time and start substitute teaching just to build up her resume.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seek legal advice but I say stay married as you will qualify for more spousal benefits however small like social security and also for tax purposes you can file as married for 3 years after spouse death and also take larger exclusion for capital gains on sale of house. I’m a widow.

Whoa! Is this true? My DH is in poor health and i have been thinking of financial planning in terms of having to file as single the year following his death.

If this is true, it definitely would affect my plans.

Would it help to file as married? Head of Household might be better??

When he dies op can figure out what filing status is best. The year he died will be married filing jointly. After that it will probably be qualifying surviving spouse for a few years, then head of household until remarried or kids are grown

OP, secure a teaching job for fall NOW. Step 1. Meet with a lawyer and get a second opinion re: finances, Step 2 (collect insurance and financial documents and organize, first). Begin earning money by tutoring, Step 3. If DH lasts until open enrollment, see if he can increase life insurance.

Don’t even think about paying for college right now. You need stability first. Kids will be fine if you can get them to stability.

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

This.

Get a job, an affordable apartment (if you live in the DC area, see if you can qualify for affordable housing), a beater car that you can use, enroll kids in a decent public school, and prepare to sell the house to pay off his debts.

Get medical POA and freeze his credit so that he can’t open any more accounts. That should be easy if he has a pancreatitis diagnosis. Ask his doctor about this. You might need to pay a small fee to an attorney to get this but it’s well, well worth it.

You can do this. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I’ll say it again- you can do this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seek legal advice but I say stay married as you will qualify for more spousal benefits however small like social security and also for tax purposes you can file as married for 3 years after spouse death and also take larger exclusion for capital gains on sale of house. I’m a widow.

Whoa! Is this true? My DH is in poor health and i have been thinking of financial planning in terms of having to file as single the year following his death.

If this is true, it definitely would affect my plans.

Would it help to file as married? Head of Household might be better??

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you are trh beneficiary on life insurance and retirement accounts. Does he have a Will?

Do Not pay his debt

Start making a plan for college. It is going to come faster than you think. The plan may include in state schools or scholarships if any of the kids have the grades ir athletic ability or two years Community College while they also work to save money. You are going to need to be honest with them so they have a clear picture and a path

Do summer teaching camp work if you can. Sign up for coaching or extracurricular club to earn extra money. Think about a part time job on weekends or future summer gigs.

Do Not touch the retirement savings. It will grow over the next 20 years. You will be fine if you don’t touch it.

For college, OP is going to be a single mom with 3 kids. Wouldn't they get a lot of FA?

Agree with getting a job asap. If you get a job as camp counselor, you might be able to get your kids in there for free, or reduced cost, which could save on babysitting/childcare during the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Every single debt is in his name.

You need to get a divorce immediately. You can still have compassion for him, and be-there-for-him in any manner that's acceptable to you.

It's not about compassion, it is about $. OP, do not take advice from a rando, far too much is at stake and you may be better off being married. Get 2 lawyer's opinions of the best way forward financially for you and the kids. Make sure any documents they suggest are executed asap and have copies of insurance and financial documents copied and organized.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in debt and overspent. You need to get a job now and reduce your expenses.

Get a job subbing. Now. Tutor.

I suspect your DH may also have untreated mental illness such as bipolar in addition to the drinking, which may be self medicating.

Do you have any family that you and the kids can move in with and get back on your feet? Are you licensed in any lower cost of living areas?

Lower cost of living areas generally pay their teachers very poorly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are separated. Does it make sense to go ahead and get divorced? Could that save me financially? That was actually my plan until his most recent hospitalization and then I felt guilty divorcing somebody who is dying.

Do not feel guilty. I would ask a specialized lawyer for advice on this and then if it is beneficial tell him to not contest and draw everything up in the most beneficial way for you.

It may be better to get social security as married, you need legal advice, OP.