Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

*slow clap* you nailed it. Smug a$$holes like PP must not be all that happy in life either if they need to come on to these threads to punch down on people like OP.

I’m trying to help the op realize she’s in the driver’s seat here.

If people insist upon waiting for others to read their mind and magically make them a positive person, you do you.

ICYMI: nobody likes a whiner. And fixating on this won’t help you change the way you feel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

Because it is inherently irritating to hear an adult say they want to be babied. It is an absurdity that cannot happen. The "need" you are expressing is is one you can live without because it doesn't exist in reality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

*slow clap* you nailed it. Smug a$$holes like PP must not be all that happy in life either if they need to come on to these threads to punch down on people like OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.

Anonymous wrote:What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy. Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have you ever had the opportunity to take care of someone else? It is rewarding and it helps a person shed the need to be the cared for person.

I am a mother of two children and take care of them every day, yes. I also spent years caring for my parents. I also volunteered with kids for many years, coaching at a camp and providing reading tutoring.

I think caring for others can be healing but no I do not think it replaces the need to feel cared for.

It doesn't replace that need, but it can shift your focus away from it, for sure. You probably need some talk therapy and some SSRIs.

No one is going to be your mommy or daddy, especially if you have kids. From an outsiders perspective it is like adopting a whole family--a needy adult and all their kids? The prospect is overwhelming. You need to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP have you ever had the opportunity to take care of someone else? It is rewarding and it helps a person shed the need to be the cared for person.

I am a mother of two children and take care of them every day, yes. I also spent years caring for my parents. I also volunteered with kids for many years, coaching at a camp and providing reading tutoring.

I think caring for others can be healing but no I do not think it replaces the need to feel cared for.

It doesn't replace that need, but it can shift your focus away from it, for sure. You probably need some talk therapy and some SSRIs.

Anonymous wrote:Be careful what you wish for. If you get an illness or disease, someone will take care of you, and you wouldn't want that. So just be happy you don't really need to be taken care of. Also you must be forgetting ways in which you were cared for. Someone probably changed your diaper and taught you how to eat solid food. Someone paid for the roof over your head.