Anonymous
04/17/2024 13:44
Subject: Re:Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Sex and money - are what most couples fight about.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 10:27
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:My DD with severe nonverbal autism. I thank God that he gave me her twin brother and DH to help me in our journey.
I'm sorry for your situation. Please don't assign a role to your other child as God's gift to help you deal with your other child. That sounds like a recipe for a super unhealthy family dynamic.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 10:05
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
My work hours
Anonymous
04/17/2024 10:05
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
My husband doesn’t seem to understand that money does not grow on trees and thinks that whole life insurance is a good idea.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 10:00
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lack of communication or ability to communicate. Also, inability to have empathy.
This.
This was us for many years. Gottman helped us enormously.
Did you go to therapy or is this something you can DIY with a book? Thanks for the suggestion.
We went to a Gottman therapist. DH hated it but it literally saved our marriage and he realizes that now. He was raised by cold, emotionless parents but his mother is also incredibly emotionally needy (very weird). DH needed an impartial party to help him see that he was completely shut done emotionally and refusing to acknowledge any of my emotional needs. The therapist also helped us see several communication dynamics we replayed over and over due to our communication styles. It really shifted things for us. I’m a big proponent of books but it was the therapist observing our communication and interactions that helped. We couldn’t see it ourselves in the moment.
That’s good for you both.
Was any autism at play in him or his mother or just this emotional neglect from childhood from other reasons?
Perceptive question! He and his mother both have ADHD. Untreated
Anonymous
04/17/2024 09:48
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lack of communication or ability to communicate. Also, inability to have empathy.
This.
This was us for many years. Gottman helped us enormously.
Did you go to therapy or is this something you can DIY with a book? Thanks for the suggestion.
We went to a Gottman therapist. DH hated it but it literally saved our marriage and he realizes that now. He was raised by cold, emotionless parents but his mother is also incredibly emotionally needy (very weird). DH needed an impartial party to help him see that he was completely shut done emotionally and refusing to acknowledge any of my emotional needs. The therapist also helped us see several communication dynamics we replayed over and over due to our communication styles. It really shifted things for us. I’m a big proponent of books but it was the therapist observing our communication and interactions that helped. We couldn’t see it ourselves in the moment.
That’s good for you both.
Was any autism at play in him or his mother or just this emotional neglect from childhood from other reasons?
Anonymous
04/17/2024 09:10
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
DH would say lack of physical contact/limited sex life. I would say his 100+ lb weight gain and complete lack of desire to do anything about it which makes him unattractive physically to me.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 07:59
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lack of communication or ability to communicate. Also, inability to have empathy.
This.
This was us for many years. Gottman helped us enormously.
Did you go to therapy or is this something you can DIY with a book? Thanks for the suggestion.
We went to a Gottman therapist. DH hated it but it literally saved our marriage and he realizes that now. He was raised by cold, emotionless parents but his mother is also incredibly emotionally needy (very weird). DH needed an impartial party to help him see that he was completely shut done emotionally and refusing to acknowledge any of my emotional needs. The therapist also helped us see several communication dynamics we replayed over and over due to our communication styles. It really shifted things for us. I’m a big proponent of books but it was the therapist observing our communication and interactions that helped. We couldn’t see it ourselves in the moment.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 07:32
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Explosive anger and the need to control. Expecting perfection and constant criticism.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 07:24
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
His temper and his propensity to defy all common sense.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 06:53
Subject: Re:Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
His lack of virility. Likely from his porn addiction.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 05:58
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:Donald Trump and Joe Rogan
What??
Joe Rogan is brilliant and real.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 05:07
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Division of labor
DH’s complete lack of interest in sex and unwillingness to look into it or change
DH avoidance of anything stressful in life
DW mental health struggles
Money
I would say avoidance/perfectionism too. My husband will definitely just tell me we can talk about something later and then later never comes. Or he’s stressed about spending money and we can’t identify a perfect option so rather than compromise he wants to just wait indefinitely for something to be different. I end up making decisions without him more than either of us like but sometimes you have to do SOMETHING.
I wonder what he would say. Probably our kids or mismatch in libido. Or maybe that I don’t think he does enough of the day to day stuff.
X10000
This is so immature too. Sweep everything under the rug. Ignore things large and small- have the time they go on to explode then. Run down the clock until there are no options or only one.
That’s his process to make decisions: do nothing until someone else does, or just pick the first and fastest one, or wait so long only one option is left.
Can’t stand it!
Anonymous
04/17/2024 05:03
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Anonymous wrote:What is it?
Untreated adhd & Asperger’s.
He will not treat it despite the diagnosis, and would rather start arguments than say “I forgot.”
It’s the prevailing dynamic in our marriage and household. And so destructive.
Anonymous
04/17/2024 02:25
Subject: Biggest strain in your marriage / relationship
Donald Trump and Joe Rogan