Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:50
Subject: Re:DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
OP here: read your responses and my takeaway:
- Discussion with daughter to not text my husband during the day unless it is an emergency. She rarely texts since she is in school but just was excited about something and so the rare time she does, we'll engage a little bit. It is not like we are texting round the clock.
- Taxes - unfortunate that we always wait for last minute. i felt we were ready to file earlier in the week but DH wanted to review everything one last time and that happened last night. I felt a quick text to resolve should be ok.
- Interview - DH wrote to me not too long ago saying: I hope you don't think this was my fault. So clearly in his mind it was not his fault he didn't turn off his phone. Refusing to take blame is a huge part of our relationship challenges.
- Doctor - DD is in an experimental study and it requires a lot of consent forms. I had arranged with the facility in advance to sign the paperwork remotely today. I have never had issues using docusign or any other e-signature platforms until today. I asked DH if he prefer that I reschedule when all the paperwork was being sent to him but he didn't answer. He just preferred to do it and then tell me FU. At this point I was frazzled and upset about his interview and just wanted to get the paperwork done with.
My DH is a hothead. He withholds info which is why I did not know what time his interview was. In fact - I didn't learn about it till Saturday when he was ironing a white shirt and I asked him if he had a scpecial event coming up. he simply said he has an interview on Monday. That was all he wanted to share. And he can be an ass to ma a lot. He doesn't cuss me out often, but he does twist things to make him blameless in every situation. It happens so much that I just keep my muth shut when he makes a mistake. But it is ok for him to point out when I screw up. yes, we are in therapy. Not it isn't working because he refuses to see that he is part of the problem.
- Discussion with daughter to not text my husband during the day unless it is an emergency. She rarely texts since she is in school but just was excited about something and so the rare time she does, we'll engage a little bit. It is not like we are texting round the clock.
- Taxes - unfortunate that we always wait for last minute. i felt we were ready to file earlier in the week but DH wanted to review everything one last time and that happened last night. I felt a quick text to resolve should be ok.
- Interview - DH wrote to me not too long ago saying: I hope you don't think this was my fault. So clearly in his mind it was not his fault he didn't turn off his phone. Refusing to take blame is a huge part of our relationship challenges.
- Doctor - DD is in an experimental study and it requires a lot of consent forms. I had arranged with the facility in advance to sign the paperwork remotely today. I have never had issues using docusign or any other e-signature platforms until today. I asked DH if he prefer that I reschedule when all the paperwork was being sent to him but he didn't answer. He just preferred to do it and then tell me FU. At this point I was frazzled and upset about his interview and just wanted to get the paperwork done with.
My DH is a hothead. He withholds info which is why I did not know what time his interview was. In fact - I didn't learn about it till Saturday when he was ironing a white shirt and I asked him if he had a scpecial event coming up. he simply said he has an interview on Monday. That was all he wanted to share. And he can be an ass to ma a lot. He doesn't cuss me out often, but he does twist things to make him blameless in every situation. It happens so much that I just keep my muth shut when he makes a mistake. But it is ok for him to point out when I screw up. yes, we are in therapy. Not it isn't working because he refuses to see that he is part of the problem.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:48
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:OP posted this at 10:54 am and has all this time since then to respond to DCUM posts. Meanwhile, is the superhero saving her family from destruction if taxes are not e-filed or doctor's form signed right away by 9:01am.
Get a life.
OP probably works in office so takes care of admin stuff there and BSes on the internet, like most office workers.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:48
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:You couldn’t even remember he had an interview???
Eh, he hadn't told her what day or time. I suspect he just said "this week" and never told her which day (or maybe didn't know himself untll the last minute--yes, it happens; happened to my spouse). The larger issue is that he doesn't know to leave his phone elsewhere or turn it off when going into any important meeting, interview or otherwise. She is also wrong to have texted him the way she did, but his final reaction is really a sticking point, and goes beyond just being angry.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:45
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did your DH actually text “FU”? I’d divorce someone who talked to me like that. Clearly he doesn’t like you anymore.
To be fair, I don't like the OP either, she's really not likable at all.
You know her from a single post on DCUM. Do you always judge strangers like this? You're the unlikeable one.
+1
This is the point in the thread where the "It's always the OP's fault" people find the thread, and start blaming OPs for everything. Not just this one OP -- it's endemic now in nearly every thread on the Relationships forum. No answer to the questions asked, no constructive suggestions, just "I don't like this OP so OP must be at fault."
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:43
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
You couldn’t even remember he had an interview???
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:43
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would be furious with you as well.
If I'm not answering the first text. STOP FREAKING TEXTING, and for the love of god do not call.
I have my phone on do not disturb, but if you call twice, and are a favorite (husband/teens) it will go through. If it's not an emergency, and to be clear your examples were not, I will call or text back when I can.
I would have texted, STOP F'ING MESSAGING ME, I'M IN AN INTERVIEW/MEETING/etc
+1. I think that’s the default setting on an iPhone—DND has a failsafe for if things are truly an emergency. OP’s double/triple taps were very much not an emergency.
You’re both TAH. Kiss and make up.
Or here’s a thought- he could have left him effing phone in his car/office/locker while he was in this interview. I have managed my entire life to just… not take a potentially disturbing distraction with me to places or events where I do not want to be disturbed or distracted.
Or maybe he wants to be available for urgent matters in general? To be a responsible spouse and father?
The problem is OP who continued to text him after he indicated that he was at work and not available.
This is his fault.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:39
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did your DH actually text “FU”? I’d divorce someone who talked to me like that. Clearly he doesn’t like you anymore.
To be fair, I don't like the OP either, she's really not likable at all.
You know her from a single post on DCUM. Do you always judge strangers like this? You're the unlikeable one.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:39
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Why couldn't he put his phone on DND?
+1 or just turn it off, this couldn’t be that hard.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:35
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would be furious with you as well.
If I'm not answering the first text. STOP FREAKING TEXTING, and for the love of god do not call.
I have my phone on do not disturb, but if you call twice, and are a favorite (husband/teens) it will go through. If it's not an emergency, and to be clear your examples were not, I will call or text back when I can.
I would have texted, STOP F'ING MESSAGING ME, I'M IN AN INTERVIEW/MEETING/etc
+1. I think that’s the default setting on an iPhone—DND has a failsafe for if things are truly an emergency. OP’s double/triple taps were very much not an emergency.
You’re both TAH. Kiss and make up.
Or here’s a thought- he could have left him effing phone in his car/office/locker while he was in this interview. I have managed my entire life to just… not take a potentially disturbing distraction with me to places or events where I do not want to be disturbed or distracted.
This is his fault.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:27
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Did your DH actually text “FU”? I’d divorce someone who talked to me like that. Clearly he doesn’t like you anymore.
To be fair, I don't like the OP either, she's really not likable at all.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:24
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
All of you sound stupid, include your doctor’s office with their docusign request.
Try Chrome next time you’re having issues signing something in explorer. That usually fixes it.
Try Chrome next time you’re having issues signing something in explorer. That usually fixes it.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:23
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:He should have turned his phone off before the interview. And since he didn't, he should have apologized and turned it off after the first audible notifcation.
On the other hand, both of you are at work and should be working Bombarding him with personal texts and tasks during the work day is just wrong. I would be furious if my husband expected me to be at his beck and call all day to do whatever personal task he wanted done at that moment. It can wait until you are home. If it is late, then it was left too long and is late.
Both you and your daughter need to respect the work day. And given you have a job, you should be working too.
And I would be annoyed he hadn't listened when I told him I had an interview and dint' even know it was happening.
Yeah, OP you said you knew he had an interview but couldn't remember which day and certainly not what time, yet you hope he gets it so it sounds like a big deal. I find it odd that you didn't bother remembering when he said his interview was if it's something big.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:22
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
I’m sorry, what? He should have turned off his phone before his interview. That’s so basic. And texting you “FU” when you’re trying to deal with taxes for your family even though you are also at work? OP, this isn’t acceptable. It’s time to talk with him later and assert your entitlement to basic respect.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:21
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to stop expecting him to answer during the work day. He needs to learn to silcens/DND his phone
Both of these.
+1
Nothing is that important that it can’t wait.
And he’s only mad bc the texts and pings kept coming and he would not have known that if he had silenced or turned off his phone.
Both of you are stressed/mad at the circumstances, but taking it out in each other.
Finally—the FU text is the thing that would have me upset. But we just don’t speak to each other that way.
If my DH did that—it would be hard to recover for me. This type of response shows lack of respect and lack of impulse control.
He could have just neglected to respond to your reminder that there were two more forms. No need to escalate the vitriol through direct attack expletives.
+1,000
He had every right to be super annoyed. He did not have a right to speak to you like that. That's what makes him the bigger AH here.
Anonymous
04/15/2024 13:19
Subject: DH furious that we texted him during a job interview
OP posted this at 10:54 am and has all this time since then to respond to DCUM posts. Meanwhile, is the superhero saving her family from destruction if taxes are not e-filed or doctor's form signed right away by 9:01am.
Get a life.
Get a life.