Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:26     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I absolutely would. No question


Same. 100% without hesitation.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:25     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe in ever blaming the victim, but if this is the attitude of many marrieds, I honestly wonder how much tit for tat, curation, control, and hostile action goes into the daily interactions of the marriage, and I feel less sympathetic to the spouse crying about how they’ve been wronged.

I don’t condone cheating, but I also see how it isn’t always a simple equation.


It's called 'natural consequences' not tit for tat or control or whatever complicated thing you want it to be.
Even kindergarteners know this.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:24     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:For me, it never would have done any good, because I’m not a vengeful, Grudgy, or scorched earth kind of person. YMMV, on this, but for me, holding my head high and knowing what the truth was was what was most important to me. She owed me nothing, and who knows what lies he told?

It was over, so why look back? Why throw a grenade? You’re not going to prevent happiness where there is none already. And why burn the survivors, just because you’re hurting? The altruistic “the spouse needs to know” is just lashing out, and I think most people would know that in reflection.

You get to be hurt, you get to be mad.. but why do you need company for that? Live your story to its best. Ignore these secondary players.


Their spouse filed for divorce on them. Was happy to be told.


Strange you mowers so happy to be told of someone else’s unhappiness. Not thenAP, but her spouse. Also strange to brag about it here, after you’re supposed to feel so much better about your life. Don’t you have other things that make you happy that are more important?
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:23     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:I don’t believe in ever blaming the victim, but if this is the attitude of many marrieds, I honestly wonder how much tit for tat, curation, control, and hostile action goes into the daily interactions of the marriage, and I feel less sympathetic to the spouse crying about how they’ve been wronged.

I don’t condone cheating, but I also see how it isn’t always a simple equation.


Give me a break.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:23     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:I know someone that did and it backfired on her… Tread lightly


That didn’t happen for $500, Alex.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:21     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
I don’t believe in ever blaming the victim, but if this is the attitude of many marrieds, I honestly wonder how much tit for tat, curation, control, and hostile action goes into the daily interactions of the marriage, and I feel less sympathetic to the spouse crying about how they’ve been wronged.

I don’t condone cheating, but I also see how it isn’t always a simple equation.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:20     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:By inserting yourself into someone else’s life you have no idea what you are putting into motion. Yes, your spouse is awful but the man you are about to call could’ve already had the worst day of his life and this news causes him to snap, he could be a gun nut lunatic who sees you and your husband as the problem, this type of betrayal is how people lose their lives.
You’ve got enough problems to deal with, you don’t need more.


Yep. AP found that out the hard way. Lol





Seriously. Talk about inserting yourself into someone else’s life, screwing someone’s spouse is as “inserted” as it gets.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:19     Subject: Re:Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
I think you both and the experts are too shallow in your thinking. When you marry a high-quality person, you're accepting a higher likelihood that your spouse will cheat. If you really want to be fully confident your spouse won't cheat, you marry someone who won't have any opportunities to cheat. In other words, someone nobody wants.

So you indeed have agency by marrying the person you choose to marry. Then you need to do everything you can to make your spouse NOT want to cheat. That means keeping yourself in shape and doing your part for the marriage. If you're the relative breadwinner, you better keep doing well at your career while making your spouse uncertain of just how much she would get in a settlement.

If you're the non-breadwinner spouse, then you need to make life as pleasurable as possible for the breadwinner. That means enhancing his image in the streets and rocking his world under the sheets. It means making sure he doesn't have to deal with picking up your sniffling kid from school. It means you deal with your Mom or Dad's passing yourself and don't be a PITA about your grieving and sadness.

To stay married to a high-value person who will have opportunities to cheat, you want your mate to feel like they are taking too big a chance in cheating on you. THAT's where you have agency.


This is one of the craziest things I have ever read on DCUM. Seriously bizarre rationalizations.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:18     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:For me, it never would have done any good, because I’m not a vengeful, Grudgy, or scorched earth kind of person. YMMV, on this, but for me, holding my head high and knowing what the truth was was what was most important to me. She owed me nothing, and who knows what lies he told?

It was over, so why look back? Why throw a grenade? You’re not going to prevent happiness where there is none already. And why burn the survivors, just because you’re hurting? The altruistic “the spouse needs to know” is just lashing out, and I think most people would know that in reflection.

You get to be hurt, you get to be mad.. but why do you need company for that? Live your story to its best. Ignore these secondary players.


Their spouse filed for divorce on them. Was happy to be told.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:17     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Anonymous wrote:By inserting yourself into someone else’s life you have no idea what you are putting into motion. Yes, your spouse is awful but the man you are about to call could’ve already had the worst day of his life and this news causes him to snap, he could be a gun nut lunatic who sees you and your husband as the problem, this type of betrayal is how people lose their lives.
You’ve got enough problems to deal with, you don’t need more.


Yep. AP found that out the hard way. Lol



Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:16     Subject: Re:Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Of course I would tell, just like I wish someone would tell me in the same situation. Her DH deserves to know the truth of his own marriage and to have agency. What if they are making major financial decisions and he does not have this info? What if he inherits money that he should keep separate? He also needs STI testing. Finally, as an added bonus, telling him means there will be two sets of eyes on the situation.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:14     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
Yes, I absolutely would. No question
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:13     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
For me, it never would have done any good, because I’m not a vengeful, Grudgy, or scorched earth kind of person. YMMV, on this, but for me, holding my head high and knowing what the truth was was what was most important to me. She owed me nothing, and who knows what lies he told?

It was over, so why look back? Why throw a grenade? You’re not going to prevent happiness where there is none already. And why burn the survivors, just because you’re hurting? The altruistic “the spouse needs to know” is just lashing out, and I think most people would know that in reflection.

You get to be hurt, you get to be mad.. but why do you need company for that? Live your story to its best. Ignore these secondary players.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:13     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
By inserting yourself into someone else’s life you have no idea what you are putting into motion. Yes, your spouse is awful but the man you are about to call could’ve already had the worst day of his life and this news causes him to snap, he could be a gun nut lunatic who sees you and your husband as the problem, this type of betrayal is how people lose their lives.
You’ve got enough problems to deal with, you don’t need more.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2024 17:05     Subject: Would you tell DH’s AP’s husband?
No people are too crazy these days not trying to have someone come kill me and the kids