I first noticed him in college in an Econ course where he was debating the professor in a feisty but fun way and ended with everyone cheering both of them. He was really good looking and smart but it took another month before I really met him. That was over 30 years ago and he’s still fun and feisty.

Volunteering with Single Volunteers of DC, a group that was pretty active in the late 90s-early 00s. I was 29 and DH was 35. We met when staffing a fundraising event, went out to lunch, and got serious pretty quickly. Married 23 years.

Anonymous wrote:Met at work when he (27) started two weeks after I (25) did and was assigned the cube next door (so I don’t actually remember meeting him since everything was new and overwhelming to me). We were casual friends for awhile and only started dating after he left the agency the following year.

Dated for 9 months before a 13 month engagement and lived together probably 4 or 5 months before the wedding. Have been married for 20 years with 2 teenagers and are very happy together in middle age.

A common theme of happy marriages seems to be being friends before dating. Not that it’s a guarantee but it seems to help.

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Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

Not at all. We've been very, very happy for 20 years. Guessing by your knee jerk reaction to the relationships of strangers that you have not been.

NP. That is a wide age gap whether you are a stranger or not to anyone.

Also NP, what’s it to you?

I’m a woman who has had three serious relationships in my life, all with men 2-6 years younger than me. Always some busy body commenting on it. 5-15 years is not nothing but it’s not like living in different eras! I’d agree maybe that 20 years is a lot to deal with but 12-13 seems totally manageable.

So only you can decide what is too old.

Yes, using the words “maybe” and “seems” really cements my authoritarian tendencies. *yawn* Off to do something productive.

That is exactly what you were implying so yes you did make yourself the authority on it.
Go clean my toilets now.

I guess cleaning toilets is supposed to be an insult. Your comments do all fit together neatly.

Thought you were off to do something productive.

Met at work when he (27) started two weeks after I (25) did and was assigned the cube next door (so I don’t actually remember meeting him since everything was new and overwhelming to me). We were casual friends for awhile and only started dating after he left the agency the following year.

Dated for 9 months before a 13 month engagement and lived together probably 4 or 5 months before the wedding. Have been married for 20 years with 2 teenagers and are very happy together in middle age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

Not at all. We've been very, very happy for 20 years. Guessing by your knee jerk reaction to the relationships of strangers that you have not been.

NP. That is a wide age gap whether you are a stranger or not to anyone.

Also NP, what’s it to you?

I’m a woman who has had three serious relationships in my life, all with men 2-6 years younger than me. Always some busy body commenting on it. 5-15 years is not nothing but it’s not like living in different eras! I’d agree maybe that 20 years is a lot to deal with but 12-13 seems totally manageable.

So only you can decide what is too old.

Yes, using the words “maybe” and “seems” really cements my authoritarian tendencies. *yawn* Off to do something productive.

That is exactly what you were implying so yes you did make yourself the authority on it.
Go clean my toilets now.

I guess cleaning toilets is supposed to be an insult. Your comments do all fit together neatly.

Anonymous wrote:In college, married a couple years after graduation and we've been together 24 years. We had a couple of stressful/angry years right in the middle and considered divorce but quickly got over that as life stress went down and realized we'd never want to really be apart. I am grateful that I dated for fun before meeting him because as years went by, friends stopped dating for fun and it turned into missions to meet "the one" and seemed transactional, almost like shopping.

I don't even know if I want my kids to marry but I would never push them to find someone as they got older. I think that was the issue with friends (social/familial expectations) and it often looked like a stiff fit to check the box.

I mean, you sound kind of judgy of your friends for wanting the same thing that you were lucky enough to find in college.

Met cute? although didn’t seem that way then.

Long story short: our respective childhood friends married each other and set us up although no one told me! They just kept inviting me to parties, events, gatherings in groups. I was in a long distance relationship with my college boyfriend who was a total jerk. Future DH had told his friend that if we ever broke up, to let him know. A year later, college boyfriend broke up with me over the phone on a Sunday and on Monday, my friend invited me to a concert Saturday “to cheer me up.” DH was there, too and it was just the 4 of us. That was it! Dated 3 years, engaged for 1, married 27 years, 3DC.

In college, married a couple years after graduation and we've been together 24 years. We had a couple of stressful/angry years right in the middle and considered divorce but quickly got over that as life stress went down and realized we'd never want to really be apart. I am grateful that I dated for fun before meeting him because as years went by, friends stopped dating for fun and it turned into missions to meet "the one" and seemed transactional, almost like shopping.

I don't even know if I want my kids to marry but I would never push them to find someone as they got older. I think that was the issue with friends (social/familial expectations) and it often looked like a stiff fit to check the box.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met at church at age 14.
Started dating last year if high school, after we knew we realized we were going to the same university.
Got married the month after college graduation. 1996

You would only date in high school because you were going to same college? Huh?

I worded that strangely, but essentially we had been friends a long time and there had been a slow-building attraction and flirtation that started near the middle of our senior year of high school. We were such good friends that it felt risky to *date* each other if it was only going to be for a couple of months. Maybe we would have anyway—-who knows! The tension was certainly palpable enough (To be fair—we are old so this is pre cell phone, pre-email—-and a long-distance relationships going into college seemed almost certainly-destined to fail!) But once we realized that we were both heading to the same university, it felt like the door was open for this to potentially develop into something that would last longer than having a date to prom and a summer fling.
Could have gone south either way, obviously. But as it was, I’m not sure either of us would have wanted to “risk the friendship” for a two-month fling that had a slim chance of lasting.

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Anonymous wrote:I was 24 he was 29. We met on OkCupid about 14 years ago! We married 3ish years after meeting and have been very happy together!

Nice to hear. I hear so many OLD horror stories on here. Glad to know it’s possible for ppl to meet this way.

Pp here. I feel like I hear a lot more horror stories now from my coworkers in their 20s than I ever experienced or my friends experienced back when we were on it.

I met DH on match in 2007. Moved In together at 1 yr. Married in 2010.

I met my husband on Match in 2009!

I was at the end of my 30-day subscription and hadn't found anyone I really liked yet (had been on plenty of dates but just never felt a spark with anyone) so I was debating giving it a break and maybe trying again later. He had just joined and paid for his subscription and I was the only one he ever went out with.

That’s hilarious! My DH was the one who was about to unsubscribe when I had just joined and he was my first (and only) match date.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

Not at all. We've been very, very happy for 20 years. Guessing by your knee jerk reaction to the relationships of strangers that you have not been.

NP. That is a wide age gap whether you are a stranger or not to anyone.

Also NP, what’s it to you?

I’m a woman who has had three serious relationships in my life, all with men 2-6 years younger than me. Always some busy body commenting on it. 5-15 years is not nothing but it’s not like living in different eras! I’d agree maybe that 20 years is a lot to deal with but 12-13 seems totally manageable.

So only you can decide what is too old.

Yes, using the words “maybe” and “seems” really cements my authoritarian tendencies. *yawn* Off to do something productive.

Not quite the gotcha you wish you had.
*yawn*

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

Not at all. We've been very, very happy for 20 years. Guessing by your knee jerk reaction to the relationships of strangers that you have not been.

NP. That is a wide age gap whether you are a stranger or not to anyone.

Also NP, what’s it to you?

I’m a woman who has had three serious relationships in my life, all with men 2-6 years younger than me. Always some busy body commenting on it. 5-15 years is not nothing but it’s not like living in different eras! I’d agree maybe that 20 years is a lot to deal with but 12-13 seems totally manageable.

So only you can decide what is too old.

Yes, using the words “maybe” and “seems” really cements my authoritarian tendencies. *yawn* Off to do something productive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

NP and if she had been 17 or even 22 with the same age gap, I’d agree! But not at the phase of life where they met! At that age, the spread is just about perfect because both are full adults with fully-firmed judgment centers in their brains! Plus—she is of ideal child-bearing age and he is old enough where he is probably eager to have kids/family (assuming this isn’t his second marriage….which….let’s face it—it probably is unless he’s a weirdo! 🤪)
But I don’t fine a 13-year age gap that strange at all when both parties are over 30

Nope, still a wide age gap. And by your argument, you conveniently left out when he gets old and she isn’t.

That’s not a “convenient” leave-out.
It’s just not a concern that Inhave for them because she’s a grown woman who is capable of taking ownership of her own decisions and I assume that she can do the math and realize that she will be 60 when he’s 73….or 75 when he’s 88…they’ll figure it out!
And honestly their kids are lucky that they probably won’t have the unpleasant reality of trying to navigate caring for two aging parents with dementia at the same time….

She can do the math but that is not reality with how she will feel when she is 60 and his is 73. Don’t be obtuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At work. We are both lawyers. I was 32 and he was 45.

🤮
Too old for you.

NP and if she had been 17 or even 22 with the same age gap, I’d agree! But not at the phase of life where they met! At that age, the spread is just about perfect because both are full adults with fully-firmed judgment centers in their brains! Plus—she is of ideal child-bearing age and he is old enough where he is probably eager to have kids/family (assuming this isn’t his second marriage….which….let’s face it—it probably is unless he’s a weirdo! 🤪)
But I don’t fine a 13-year age gap that strange at all when both parties are over 30

Nope, still a wide age gap. And by your argument, you conveniently left out when he gets old and she isn’t.

That’s not a “convenient” leave-out.
It’s just not a concern that Inhave for them because she’s a grown woman who is capable of taking ownership of her own decisions and I assume that she can do the math and realize that she will be 60 when he’s 73….or 75 when he’s 88…they’ll figure it out!
And honestly their kids are lucky that they probably won’t have the unpleasant reality of trying to navigate caring for two aging parents with dementia at the same time….

What a dumb thing to say in that last comment. Unreal.