Anonymous wrote:Tons of people have kids in a 2 bedroom apartment. You don't need a house to have kids. Kids don't need private school, horseback riding lessons, international trips, ski trips, surfing lessons, private tutoring, multiple pairs of sneakers, expensive clothes, etc.

I have a tiny one-bedroom apartment and have never broken six figures and raised a child to adulthood by myself in this apartment. I got her scholarships to attend camps, got hand-me-down clothes from friends with slightly older kids, and have taken her on exactly two vacations in her life. Despite that, she got into the same college as some kids with all the financial advantages.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks everyone for the reality check!

We live comfortably now, but feel as though savings are accruing at the world's slowest rate. In terms of expenditures we can cut back on... I do love to travel and admittedly prioritize that, but that's something that I don't want to eliminate (bring down costs/cut back, on the other hand, will be absolutely necessary). I know raising a child in an apartment is possible, but it feels like throwing money away instead of actually building wealth. One of my big worries is the cost of childcare. We don't live near our parents. Mine live in an even more expensive area, and his live in an undesirable (for us) rural area. It doesn't help that most of our friends are not interested in kids, or feel not ready yet. It doesn't feel like we will have a large support network when we take this plunge.

I appreciate the sentiment that no time is perfect, and we have to just go ahead and do it if we want children. I've wanted them my whole life, and I know we will make it work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid on 100K per year as a single Mom. I made it work just fine in my tiny apartment.

I don't find my kid to be expensive, especially after child care was no longer an issue. I am also a solo/single parent. It is even easier when I share expenses with friends, her dad and other co parenting communities.

Biggest expenses by age
0-3 (if you live in DC) Childcare is by far very, very expensive. I went to a low income daycare and paid $900/month. Diapers, bottles if you don't breast feed, medical expenses if you don't have insurance, fun mom/baby events and shopping. I hired a nanny, as needed. Saving for college is ongoing.

3-5 (If you live in DC) Free pre-school. Most of the preschools are great. Toys, clothes if you don't want hand-me downs, Children's museums, vacations, and dietary preferences. Nanny or cleaners for sanity.

5-8- Kids want electronics. I only purchased used or refurbished electronics from Walmart. Tablets cost $60, used cell phones $100, gaming $200. The kids should not abuse or break their electronics or else they won't get another. Nanny or as needed childcare is still necessary. Private schools in DC are extremely expensive. Budget for this if you want to go down this path.

9-12-Preteen social development- Sports, academic activities, clothes, specialized interests like robotics clubs, camps, high quality shoes, groceries, unexpected expenses such as injuries, staying home from work, loss of work time.

13-15- Social activities, sports, online services, college/career prep!

15-18- Cars, college prep, study abroad, personal preferences and school trips.

Overall, I have been able to save for retirement, live in a great location, drive a nice car and still enjoy parenting, even if I am single. The hardest part is loss of time. For the first 5 years, I could not travel, go to concerts, meet up with friends, exercise or do anything social. My entire world revolves around my kid. I still feel like I am neglecting my child and I make so many sacrifices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were making a combined income of 140 when our kid was born. We rented - we lived in our one bedroom until our kid was 1.5, then moved into a two bedroom. People all over the world do not make as much as most people on DCUM make and somehow figure out how to make it work. Figure out what your priorities are.

I find it somewhat sad that people rather have objects that will just decompose and die versus having another person who will add joy to their lives. I don't think children are such a drain as everyone else makes it out to be. But I also come from a culture where people have lots of kids and very few possessions.

I think my kid has too many possessions. I stopped shopping at Target and other Big Box stores and we save so much money. I also met other moms and we shared possessions. Having a family is not about money, but more about every. It took me a very long time to understand the value of a family over work, new house, clothes etc. I would much rather have a family.