Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:46     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Don't do bariatric - so many people gain the weight back and transfer addiction to something else like alcohol. You are literally taking out part of your body which has consequences.

I think the new weight loss drugs are a better alternative.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:34     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
I would go to Marshall’s and buy him 10 shirts and see if he likes any. Then slowly cycle out the stained t shirts. Was he teased as a kid? Sounds like trauma based insecurity. I think loving him the way you do helps to heal that a bit everyday op, it just takes a long time to overcome.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:30     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Guess you’ll have to manage, clean and cull his clothes yourself Op.

As for his weight issues, that represents him and not you. He can try a lifetime of monthly shots, if he can get it covered for diabetes or obesity. That might perk him up or serve as a confidence booster. Or mid life crisis.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:18     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Anonymous wrote:Ozempic works wonders. Get him on it and you’ll never regret the decision. Dude will shed fifty pounds in a few months easy.


OP said he has been on it for diabetes. Perhaps needs a different dose or a different med.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:13     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'd get rid of the dirty clothes and replace with new ones. Can you go for walks together? Can you help enforce the healthy eating? Maybe private trainer if hes self conscious about going to the gym?


I truly don't mean to keep offering reasons why this or that won't work, because these are all good suggestions. We do go for some walks together but then his knees hurt and he has to stop. He did PT for a while which was helping with the pain, but then he stopped. I really can't make him do more than he does.

We eat healthy meals together, then he eats a crazy amount in snacks. You're going to lose your mind when I tell you he smokes, too ( not in the house). It's all bad, and I mean it when I say I can only fight so much. He KNOWS what he should do, and he doesn't need me telling me what he already knows. He has to decide that he wants to change these habits.

He doesn't want to work with a personal trainer. Maybe I should just make the appointment with one and see where it goes. I am trying to be encouraging and hands off about the therapy, and see if working with this person can help him get to the place where he's ready to make changes with these other things.

But I also think all this is aside from him feeling like people are laughing at him. These are all things that would work if he wanted to put effort into losing weight. Even if he doesn't, I really don't see people laughing at him! I think I would notice. I think I would notice? I am usually fairly socially aware.

I want him to feel good just as he is, even if nothing changes.

He has a whole closet of nice clothes. He replenishes his stuff fairly often. But sometimes he wants to wear a terrible old t-shirt, and that's his choice, too.


OP, has he tried Wellbutrin? I’m on it as an antidepressant, but it has done wonders for my mood with the added benefit of making me snack a lot less (a lot of people report losing weight on it). It helps with addictions so is also used to help quit smoking and as a side benefit helps with mindless eating.

Also just wanted to say he is lucky to have you!


<3 Thanks. I feel lucky to have him.

He tried Wellbutrin for quitting smoking and it didn't work - but something else did at the time. Unfortunately after a year of not smoking, he went through a really stressful period at work and went back - and now he doesn't really show much inclination of trying. It really is the one thing I nag him heavily about - other than getting some veggies into his diet. And you can see how effective that nagging is, because he's still smoking.

Maybe if he were in a different mindset, it could work. I'll suggest he bring it up with his doctor again. Thank you for the suggetion.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 11:13     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
This is so stupid, like something a tween would argue about. Wearing soiled or inappropriate clothes out and then ridiculing others if they assume he’s sloppy, a slob, or unkept.

Have an inkling of self respect and pride.
No one wants to live in a society of zero rules or courtesies.

But some men want Mommy to do everything for them alllllll their lives.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 10:53     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:“ Sometimes he dresses badly - stained shirts that don't really fit; I wish he wouldn't, but I can only fight so much. I do think people notice when he's wearing clothes that don't fit”

I think you should clearly tell him this part. That you think his weight is part of it and the other part is the way he dresses. One of those things is a lot easier to address than the other.


This is OP - and I truly appreciate the empathetic responses so far.

I do encourage him to change his shirt. Sometimes he just doesn't want to. What can I do? I didn't know he felt this way until yesterday - but now that I do know, I don't want to throw his insecurities in his face, even if his choices are sometimes making them come true. He's a grown man.


We all create the environment for each other. Going out dressed in a disgusting way is rude, and people have a right to react rudely to it.

If he truly doesn't care what other people think and the consequences of it, go ahead and let his freak flag fly. But if he wants people to like him, then he should do the bare minimum to look presentable in public.

If he doesn't want people to like him, but he's turning bitter, try to explain that he can be happier if he makes himself proud of how he looks, and be a part of the beauty of the world.
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 10:37     Subject: my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Op is he’s lucky to have such a great wife and supportive person on his team. You sound fantastic
Anonymous
Post 03/25/2024 10:06     Subject: Re:my husband said something yesterday that broke my heart
Buy him new clothes and get rid of his old clothes. I think people are truly too busy to notice him, but I'm very sorry for how he's feeling and if people are being cruel to him. It's never ok.