Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:42     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.


I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.


This.


You make a good will.


Nope. Seen those invalidated and long battles. Even if not- Too much animosity created in families.

Better to never marry. No need for it when kids are grown.


That will happen regardless since courts rarely hold executors accountable and lots of secrecy.


Maybe but marriage automatically confers a legal default where the spouse is entitled to assets. Why even venture there at all?
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:41     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.


I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.


This.


You make a good will.


Nope. Seen those invalidated and long battles. Even if not- Too much animosity created in families.

Better to never marry. No need for it when kids are grown.


That will happen regardless since courts rarely hold executors accountable and lots of secrecy.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:39     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.


I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.


This.


You make a good will.


Nope. Seen those invalidated and long battles. Even if not- Too much animosity created in families.

Better to never marry. No need for it when kids are grown.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:35     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.


I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.


This.


You make a good will.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:32     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
I will enjoy male companionship on an outpatient basis but would never want to incorporate a new person into the financial, legal and familial web.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:18     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.


I wonder how much assets people have to think that way. I’ll have over $5mm by 50. Still would remarry with prenup, it’s not that difficult or expensive to draft. Kids inheritances, alimony, pensions - all this can be easily addressed there


Because someone can always argue that the prenup should be invalidated. And I have zero reason to get the state involved in my financial life. I’m not a blushing bride combining finances to create a family. I’m a person with my own assets. Depending on how things go, over years/decades, it may make sense to combine assets with a partner piece by piece, like buying a home together. But zero possibility of me letting the law decide.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:14     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.


I’ll go with “other”.

There are benefits to being married when you have kids, so I got married because I wanted kids. Now I have my kids and they are grown. My kids will inherit everything I have. If I were to get married there would be zero benefit. I can make a commitment to someone without the additional paperwork. I don’t want any new person to get any inheritance - only my children. So it’s really that simple. I will have a “marriage” type relationship, but not a legal one. Oh, and I’m not religious. I don’t get how religious people “marry for life” then divorce and maintain their religion - it’s morality gymnastics.


This.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:13     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.


I wonder how much assets people have to think that way. I’ll have over $5mm by 50. Still would remarry with prenup, it’s not that difficult or expensive to draft. Kids inheritances, alimony, pensions - all this can be easily addressed there


Why do you need a marriage certificate at that point?

I’m very traditional- but would never marry again (50s)- if I divorced or was widowed.

If I were younger- possibly.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:11     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
If you met my husbands ex you’d understand why he said he’d never remarry. Except he did. I cannot remarry if he passes first which I hope doesn’t happen. He gets military benefits and I’d lose my health care and his small pension. He worked to hard for me to give that up.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:05     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
I would never remarry, EVER for all of the above mentioned reasons and then some. Just not worth it in any manner.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:03     Subject: Re:Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
As a woman trying to get out of a toxic marriage and learning how long the divorce process actually takes. Nope never entangling myself up like this again.

I have a husband that is fighting getting divorced every step of the way, I have to be separated for a year before I can even file, and if I move out of our home, I could be penalized with abandonment.

I’m literally legally stuck with this horrible situation. F this. Never again.




Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 11:00     Subject: Re:Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:


+1

This is exactly why I eschewed marriage. No interest in parenting and serving a grown adult.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 10:14     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.


I wonder how much assets people have to think that way. I’ll have over $5mm by 50. Still would remarry with prenup, it’s not that difficult or expensive to draft. Kids inheritances, alimony, pensions - all this can be easily addressed there
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 09:41     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Totally financial and legal. When women can work and don’t need men to provide for them, there’s zero reason to entangle yourself with legal marriage. I can see myself in a long-term partnership, but I would never enter into a legal arrangement that gives a man a right to my pension, 401k and other assets. I suppose you can write up a pre-nup to take care of those things but I’m really not interested in fighting off the law in that way. Live together, maybe even purchase a home together? Sure. Beyond that, no.
Anonymous
Post 03/24/2024 09:40     Subject: Can someone explain to me why so many on here would never remarry?
Anonymous wrote:If someone sticks a needle in my eye, why would I pull it out and stick it back in again?


Ha! I like this answer!

. . . and I’m still happily married. If spouse died or we divorced, I would never remarry. Just been there done that.