Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update: the benefits ended up being more even than anticipated, so the salary difference was even higher, and while the flex requests I made were met with some trepidation, they were accepted.

Sounds like a good fit. Good luck!

So you went through 3 rounds of interview and secured an actual offer with possibly some back and forth and now you are asking…?

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update: the benefits ended up being more even than anticipated, so the salary difference was even higher, and while the flex requests I made were met with some trepidation, they were accepted.

Awesome OP! I was wondering what you had decided.

OP back with an update: the benefits ended up being more even than anticipated, so the salary difference was even higher, and while the flex requests I made were met with some trepidation, they were accepted.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. OP here. I do not want to walk away from this opportunity, but also deeply feel a lot of the hesitation on this thread. I am going to push for as much flexibility as I can, including a work day that ends at 3:30/4:00pm. If they really want me, we can make this work. And if they don't, it's not the right thing.

This is a good idea, OP! I am the lady who does not wish you to be barefoot in the kitchen, haha.

My DH recently-ish got a new job and laid down hard about the flexibility he needed, and I have to say, he mostly got what he wanted. He has had to be firm about holding his boundaries but he has so far not gotten any pushback and is thriving. I cynically wonder how much of this has to do with him being a man but hopefully that is just that - cynicism. Wishing you the very best!!!

Thanks all. OP here. I do not want to walk away from this opportunity, but also deeply feel a lot of the hesitation on this thread. I am going to push for as much flexibility as I can, including a work day that ends at 3:30/4:00pm. If they really want me, we can make this work. And if they don't, it's not the right thing.

When my daughter was three, I switched from pt to ft in the office. I had concerns about missing her. I had only one DC. We had a ft nanny. It paid off.

When she was eight, I went off on my own. Got pt nanny, more flexibility, and more money.

Adding that what the pushback about Mom/Dad being available after-school or talking about how parents used to have office jobs and everyone was fine negates a lot of the negative aspects of latch-key kids and the lack of neighborhood/community after school play/interaction opportunities.
1) My parents were gone from 7-5/6pm every day and I had a sibling so very little attention or follow-through. They were exhausted and I was alone from the time I got off the bus until they got home. It was boring, unproductive, and isolating. Now if you have family or a nanny then I guess you can hedge against that with those resources but thats why I turn down in-office positions. We dont have the family or funds to outsource post-school hours.
2) Its not like most neighborhoods have established outdoor play. I know there are a few perfect neighborhoods just like unicorn sleepers but most kids are in activities so they arent home. So even if you do have latch-key kids there is no one to play with around the neighborhood.

The success of the hours for your kids and family is going to be primarily driven by who can be available consistently and that may require an afternoon nanny but that is another thing to manage.

I haven't read all the responses. My gut response is: Know EXACTLY what you're getting into in the new place. Look for red flags like frequent turnover.

And I agree that you are entering years when that 4 p.m.-7 p.m. window is TOUGH. Someone is always going to need a ride.

Anonymous wrote:Of course you want your kids to see you thriving professionally, but what do kids want more than anything? Your time. If you are miserable and this new opportunity is the dream, then go for it. But don't pretend that less time for your kids is a neutral because you want to model professional ambition. Many adult children of execs wish their parents had been more available. Also, your DH does not sound like a guy who will do 50% on his own initiative. That would really irk me, and it means the kids get less of both their parents which would be a hard no for me.

This. Time is a finite resource!

Of course you want your kids to see you thriving professionally, but what do kids want more than anything? Your time. If you are miserable and this new opportunity is the dream, then go for it. But don't pretend that less time for your kids is a neutral because you want to model professional ambition. Many adult children of execs wish their parents had been more available. Also, your DH does not sound like a guy who will do 50% on his own initiative. That would really irk me, and it means the kids get less of both their parents which would be a hard no for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk numbers? How much do you make now and how much more will you make? What benefits are you foregoing (like less vacation time or like fewer options for dentists).

Does spouse work, anytime you change jobs there is a risk it won’t work out, especially if you are jumping industry etc for a stretch role.

Finally how old are kids — our kids are teens and we are busy almost every afternoon into the evening we are running the kids around. Maybe they more capable of doing laundry and chores but we found 9-16 actually needing even more flexibility then the daycare years for instance.

Total comp now is about $315k. New total comp would be $375-400k.

Benefit changes would be more expensive health care, less vacation time, less retirement match. Flexibility changes would be most extreme - right now I mostly work from home and set my own schedule, although I do work some nights and travel a fair amount. Nights and travel would be the same - but I would be in the office four days a week with set hours. I think I could push for a bit of flex on the hours, especially because my work involves a lot of outside events and meetings.

Spouse works but could switch to a very flexible schedule. Involved parent, but I have been responsible for all the kid chauffeuring and such given my job now. Kids are late ES and have tons of activities but we live in a great, engaged community.

Does 60-80k (calculate tax for real numbers) offset the increased health care costs, less vacation time, and less retirement plus car and commuting costs plus outsourcing? Plus you make 300k, i cant imagine leaving a job that is flexible and pays that much regardless of my boredom. Take up a hobby. Also, I dont think the needs of kids decrease in MS and HS. I thought your kids were going off to college or something. They need less hand holding but still need parental involvement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread has been enlightening in many ways. I do not have a traditional deal job so it’s unrealistic to think I would be at a desk 9-5 anyway. I think I can work something out that gives me the flexibility I need, even if it’s less than what I have now. I have a unique skill set, so hopefully that’s worth some flexibility to them.

If you are excited about the opportunity, I think that says a lot. Also, for those arguing the pay bump isn’t that much, you have no idea what kind of pay increase this will translate to 5-10 years from now (and beyond) from the resulting advancement.

OP I work with lots of really successful moms and I just don’t see the need for all this doom and gloom in the comments.

Thank you!!! I have a lot of trusted mom friends with big, in-person, long hours jobs and they all universally say get your husband on board and go get your big opportunity.

Isn’t that what we want our kids to see? I feel like we are all trying to boomerang back to the 1950s a bit. (Yes, my moon works, but that’s a secret…)

OP, you want to go after the opportunity, so go for it! Most of us responded with some projections. It would be a hard no for me, but I have already had jobs that required 60-80 hours a week with no flexibility, and no amount of money would make me go backward. Plus, we don't need any more money. I would end up saving it, and for what? And it's not entirely about my kids, either. I enjoy having time to exercise every day, travel, and pursue hobbies.

+1 it doesn't matter what any of us would do. i don't even have kids and i wouldn't take that much less flexibility for that much of a raise - at the income level you're already at. what matters is what you want - and what you and your family will be able to manage. it sounds like you are yearning for this. so do it, and one way or another make it work!