Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:28     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Women love to complain that's all. You may be a dad that does all these things and guess what the wife or ex wife will push the goal post. Women thrive in complaining about this. Men today are very different from their dad's. Many contribute equally and yet it's never enough....


You're projecting. Many women would be grateful for a husband or coparent who contributes equally, or at minimum, who isn't a liability to their kids. Many men might say the same thing. The issue here is about one parent who is contemplating stepping back as that person believe it is in their kids' best interest to have a primary home. This is a reasonable assumption in certain circumstances, especially if the kids are teenagers and the coparent is on board with taking the more active role. In some cases, it may be better than one parent moving 30 + minutes away, demanding 50/50 custody without regard to how the kids feel about it, and taking away the kids activities and social support system for 50% of their lives.


Ironically, the women here on the other message section here complain that the kids need one home and a home base and this is what they want. Dad to just be available on their demand. That way they can get more child support.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:24     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


In our area, it's usually the dads going to the parties, sports, etc. You are overgeneralizing.


Sorry. I don’t mean to over generalize. Obviously, there are a LOT of really wonderful dads and stepdads out there. I have seen them, and I know them.

What I meant to say is that, of the very few difficult parents who will NOT bring their kid to a play date or soccer game when they have custody, it’s ALWAYS the dad.
I have never hosted a birthday party or coached a kids’ athletic team or scheduled a play date and had a kid who did not show up only when mom had custody. Usually, it’s not an issue who has custody what weekend and both parents are taking care of the kids. But when it’s an issue, it’s always dad.

I’m not even saying that the dad’s are wrong. It is very possibly insane to schedule your whole life around soccer and play dates. I’m just saying that the pp’s assertion that it’s women who do this is wrong.




+ 1. As a team manager, I've known so many great dads and stepdads who coach, manage the water bottles, schedule the tournaments, organize team activities and carpools. I 've also known some bad moms who are terrible to have around - they drop their kids off late, gossip about other parents and kids on the team, complain about everything but never offer to help. However, as a team manager, I've never had a mom let me know that on her parenting time her kid is prohibited from attending practices any or games. Only a dad.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:21     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Women love to complain that's all. You may be a dad that does all these things and guess what the wife or ex wife will push the goal post. Women thrive in complaining about this. Men today are very different from their dad's. Many contribute equally and yet it's never enough....


Meh. People of all genders like to complain. You are complaining right now.

I have two teen boys. One of them complains the whole time he is doing a task. The other says, “sure, no problem,” and then doesn’t do it half the time.
I will take the complainer who gets it done every time .


I agree with you lol. My point is that women ought to realize that dads today are doing equally as much. If you go with the mindset that the other parent won't pull his share anyways, then how can you be convinced that he is actually doing so.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:20     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


+1

Dad doesn’t want to go to practices or games or parties. He just sits in the car in his phone if he has to, just like when we were married.

He wants to be adored by his kids, hence he does the Disney Dad thing and takes them shopping or skips practices to go to a roller coaster or eat junk food out. He thinks he’s buying love and attention by not being attentive.


What’s the end result in these families? Do the kids get it, ever?


I mean, the unfortunate end result is that kids seek the approval of the inattentive parent and feel comfortable moving away from a stable parent they know will be there for them. If you are a good parent, your kids will eventually become independent. They call it trauma bonding and did some kind of experiment with ducks in the 60’s.

“Ducks, like people, develop bonds between mother and young. They call it imprinting. So the scientists set out to test how that imprint bond would be affected by abuse.

The control group was a real mother duck and her ducklings. For the experimental group, the scientist used a mechanical duck they had created - feathers, sound, and all - which would, at timed intervals, peck the ducklings with its mechanical beak. A painful peck, one a real duck would not give.

They varied these groups. Each group was pecked with a different level of frequency. And then they watched the ducklings grow and imprint bond with their mother.

Over time, he went on, the ducklings in the control group would waddle along behind their mother. But as they grew, there would be more distance between them. They'd wander and explore.

The ducklings with the pecking mechanical mother, though, followed much more closely. Even the scientists were stunned to discover that the group that bonded and followed most closely was the one that had been pecked repeatedly with the greatest frequency. The more the ducklings were pecked and abused, the more closely they followed. The scientist repeated the experiment and got the same results.”
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:20     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


+1

Dad doesn’t want to go to practices or games or parties. He just sits in the car in his phone if he has to, just like when we were married.

He wants to be adored by his kids, hence he does the Disney Dad thing and takes them shopping or skips practices to go to a roller coaster or eat junk food out. He thinks he’s buying love and attention by not being attentive.


What’s the end result in these families? Do the kids get it, ever?


I also wonder about this…
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:14     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Our neighbors are keeping the kids in the house and the parents rotate to a small studio when it is their off week. Not sure how it is going to work long term but the kids won’t be living out of suitcasrs
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:13     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:Women love to complain that's all. You may be a dad that does all these things and guess what the wife or ex wife will push the goal post. Women thrive in complaining about this. Men today are very different from their dad's. Many contribute equally and yet it's never enough....


Meh. People of all genders like to complain. You are complaining right now.

I have two teen boys. One of them complains the whole time he is doing a task. The other says, “sure, no problem,” and then doesn’t do it half the time.
I will take the complainer who gets it done every time .
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:10     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


In our area, it's usually the dads going to the parties, sports, etc. You are overgeneralizing.


Sorry. I don’t mean to over generalize. Obviously, there are a LOT of really wonderful dads and stepdads out there. I have seen them, and I know them.

What I meant to say is that, of the very few difficult parents who will NOT bring their kid to a play date or soccer game when they have custody, it’s ALWAYS the dad.
I have never hosted a birthday party or coached a kids’ athletic team or scheduled a play date and had a kid who did not show up only when mom had custody. Usually, it’s not an issue who has custody what weekend and both parents are taking care of the kids. But when it’s an issue, it’s always dad.

I’m not even saying that the dad’s are wrong. It is very possibly insane to schedule your whole life around soccer and play dates. I’m just saying that the pp’s assertion that it’s women who do this is wrong.


Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 13:04     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:Women love to complain that's all. You may be a dad that does all these things and guess what the wife or ex wife will push the goal post. Women thrive in complaining about this. Men today are very different from their dad's. Many contribute equally and yet it's never enough....


You're projecting. Many women would be grateful for a husband or coparent who contributes equally, or at minimum, who isn't a liability to their kids. Many men might say the same thing. The issue here is about one parent who is contemplating stepping back as that person believe it is in their kids' best interest to have a primary home. This is a reasonable assumption in certain circumstances, especially if the kids are teenagers and the coparent is on board with taking the more active role. In some cases, it may be better than one parent moving 30 + minutes away, demanding 50/50 custody without regard to how the kids feel about it, and taking away the kids activities and social support system for 50% of their lives.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:58     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Women love to complain that's all. You may be a dad that does all these things and guess what the wife or ex wife will push the goal post. Women thrive in complaining about this. Men today are very different from their dad's. Many contribute equally and yet it's never enough....
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:54     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


In our area, it's usually the dads going to the parties, sports, etc. You are overgeneralizing.


+1.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:48     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


+1

Dad doesn’t want to go to practices or games or parties. He just sits in the car in his phone if he has to, just like when we were married.

He wants to be adored by his kids, hence he does the Disney Dad thing and takes them shopping or skips practices to go to a roller coaster or eat junk food out. He thinks he’s buying love and attention by not being attentive.


What’s the end result in these families? Do the kids get it, ever?
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:24     Subject: Re:50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:Child of 50/50 custody here. You figure out a way to live in the district. Small place, rental, one bedroom and you sleep in the living room. Supplement your income driving for Uber when your kid is with her mom. Whatever it takes.

Your kid needs you. Figure it out.

If you’re still sticking with “it’s not possible” post your HHI and the district and we’ll help you.


+1 No excuses. Be a responsible parent and get a place in district. No equivocating.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:14     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


I’ve actually never seen a mom do this.
Of my kids’ friends with divorced parents, it is ALWAYS the dad who won’t take the kids to birthday parties, sports, etc.


+1

Dad doesn’t want to go to practices or games or parties. He just sits in the car in his phone if he has to, just like when we were married.

He wants to be adored by his kids, hence he does the Disney Dad thing and takes them shopping or skips practices to go to a roller coaster or eat junk food out. He thinks he’s buying love and attention by not being attentive.
Anonymous
Post 03/19/2024 12:13     Subject: 50/50 custody in practice
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am kind of getting sick and tired of all these women complaining about taking the kids to birthdays, to sports etc..... My ex-wife is busier with yearly plastic surgery and rotating boyfriends than taking care of our kids. She gladly handed over full custody to me and I love it. She still sees our kids; she does her best to get involved and I think it's just fine. The kids love both of us. They are dads who step up and they don't complain as much as some of the women here do.


That's great. I don't doubt that it's a nongendered issue, and there are other dads like you who are the default parents. I'm a mom who does 95% of all the actual parenting (doctors, dentists, school conferences, driving to and from all activities, attending games, making sure homework gets done). I don't receive any child support. I pay for 100% of all health insurance, activities, clothes, sports equipment, everything. I'm okay with all of that. The only time I complain is when my ex (and his new wife) push for parenting time but then tell our kid he can't go participate in a school concert that is required for a music class or can't play a team sport because they don't want to drive him to practices or allow me to drive him to practices or even allow me to arrange a carpool on their time. For years, ex had his new wife pick up our kid from school and take him to their house, then she'd leave him home unattended in a town 30 minutes away from his school, friends, and sports and they were unconcerned that he was spending his time on Snapchat or Roblox chatrooms all afternoon and evening. At 11 years old, he called me from a random town an hour from my house because he got on the train alone to see how far he could go, then realized he was lost with no money. They had no idea he was missing, and when they learned what had happened, they didn't understand why I was upset. This all unfolded when he would have liked to be at his team's soccer practice that they wouldn't take him to, let me take him to, or let me arrange a carpool or hired driver (which I offered so that I wasn't infringing on their time). It's been a mess. Kid is old enough now that he pushes back and tells his dad he's playing sports with his friends and he's not going to his house anymore if can't support him. This has worked because I'm not in the middle of it anymore. But the early years, when he insisted on more parenting time and then dumped him on his new wife, who ignored him, and kept him for his friends and sports, were a disaster for our kid. It will be hard for them to move past all the resentment.


You sound like an equal problem and is your income higher? If your income is much higher you wouldn't get child support. It's not the wife's job to babysit your kid. Your 11 year old leaving the house is a serious issue, as a parent what did you do about it?


I make less than he does but I do fine. I let him lie about his current income and didn't push for any supporting documents as part of a global settlement. He and his wife live in a multimillion dollar house, drive luxury cars, and go on annual international vacations. Money is very low on the issue list. The train incident issue was serious. The parenting issues resolved overtime as our kid is now old enough to self-advocate.