My in laws entertain my kids (when they were littler they’d set up the kiddie pool or push them in a stroller or take a walk…) so it’s not exactly sitting at home. We haven’t visited outside of Christmas in a few years but when kids were littler in the summer if we visited I’d just work half days. Can you work remotely? I felt like I was still able to hang out a lot but save many hours of my leave.

I really don’t understand how this becomes a “situation.” I don’t view it the job of the IL’s/ grandparents’ to entertain us when we visit. We decide what kind of outings we want and need, communicate them in advance to see if they would like to join us. I’m sure they hate having you sit around all week with an antsy-3 year old. Make plans and go do them (they may join for some or they may want a break with some peace and quiet).

Same. Except about every 2 hours a new relative shows up to just sit and talk. They expect my toddlers to just play quietly on the floor during all of this. It also wears my MIL out feeding us all but no one wants to go out to eat. We basically cook, do dishes and sit to talk. They don’t live in a city with a lot going on. Even the playgrounds are ancient and very basic (like just a swing set with a metal slide).

With my parents I feel like I have more control. We do a lot of day trips and there’s great shopping.

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite issue with my inlaws. They would visit and sit on our couch 24/7. Wouldn't talk to us, wouldn't play with the kids. It was the weirdest dynamic. Why visit to watch TV in a different place?

Mine are like this except they expect us to listen to them (mostly my MIL) talk the entire time. Mind you we have young wild children who want to play and also be heard... it's such a nightmare. I'd definitely prefer the silent version ha

Anonymous wrote:I had the opposite issue with my inlaws. They would visit and sit on our couch 24/7. Wouldn't talk to us, wouldn't play with the kids. It was the weirdest dynamic. Why visit to watch TV in a different place?

This!! My in-laws, who are young and fit, park themselves on the sofa and immediately pick out a tv series or movie…and don’t move. Or engage. They become annoyed at the mere suggestion of going to do anything (a walk? Watch soccer practice? A meal out?). Last time FIL was put off when we asked to please turn the volume down during the kids bedtime…and again at 11pm. I feel zero guilt rarely having them over. Zero!

All of the hate within all of you must be so exhausting.

my in-laws consider eating as the activity of choice and it is soooooooooo annoyyyyyying. that is the plan. plan a meal, then eat it. rince repeat.

I had the opposite issue with my inlaws. They would visit and sit on our couch 24/7. Wouldn't talk to us, wouldn't play with the kids. It was the weirdest dynamic. Why visit to watch TV in a different place?

Anonymous wrote:Hi. In laws in Boston and same dynamic. They also would do things like plan a big meal for like 3 pm so you never had a full day to actually go and do anything. They had a long driveway that was only one lane and there would be like five cars parking you in so you were literally trapped. If you ever suggested wanting to leave you would have to coax five other people that you deserved to leave so they would move their cars. This could take hours. It was like being held hostage! WE took out kids to the aquarium once and got endless lectures about how we wasted money. Weirdly enough they have a second home I. Florida which they also never leave, never go to the beach etc.

I wouldn't hesitate to drive on the lawn or park on the street lol!

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.

Of course not! Kids need activity.

Your ILs might think it's rude, but that's on them.

Anonymous wrote:Your child gives you a natural way to do this - a 3 year old (then 4, 5, etc...) can't just sit around a house the way a baby or toddler could. So you can use "Janie has to get out and run or we'll all pay the price!" as your get out of jail card.

Sounds like you'll definitely have to do the planning yourself though, and maybe be prepared for it just to be you and your daughter going out.

This is what I’d do!

DP

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.

Well, people are different, but I imagine a lot of folks would love it if you would take your child out to do things.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we'll have a car. Is it rude to take our 3-year-old to do things? I definitely don't want to be that.

Research parks and farms. Absolutely take three year old out. If short outings, invite one or both of the grandparents. Maybe they need a prod. If they decline you can still go.

My spouse's parents in flyover country never wanted to go anywhere when we visited them, so we just went out without them when it suited us and hung out with them when it didn't. They were always happy to watch the kids and my spouse always had a lot of friends who never left their home town and they were always fun and refreshing to get together with in a honky tonk bar or something.

Now my spouse's parents are both dead so we can't see them, and it's very sad. They were great people.

I will never for the life of me understand why so many DCUM women are so nasty and unwilling to sacrifice anything for their in laws. If the in laws are so often so terrible, how on earth did they manage to raise men that you all concluded were good marriage material?

Op - don't complain about something you're unwilling to change.