Marry for money and you earn every last cent the hard way!

Years ago before I finished my JD, I worked as a legal assistant to a seasoned attorney who did big money and often high conflict divorces.

I once said to him after drafting yet another settlement agreement that I should’ve married for money.

He replied that if you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny the hardest way possible.

As it turns out I never married at all - yet, anyway, and I’m now 53. I spent a number of years doing family law and a number doing criminal law and decades observing marriages up close.

I the majority of cases love doesn’t last and money comes the very hardest way.

Both my parents are Harvard MBAs from the late 70s and both were very successful. I once asked my mom if what attracted her to dad was his potential she said, no he was really cute and fun. They’ve been very happily married 45 years.

Anonymous wrote:So for the people who said they married for money, does that they didn’t marry for love? I didn’t “marry for money” though DH is well educated and reasonably successful. We met in college and, well, love each other a lot! We love hanging out together, get along great, support each other and make each other happy. The idea that some of you just want the money your spouse provides seems, uh, sad?

But if you saying you truly love your spouse and they happen to be loaded, then great. You win!

I think you’re being intentionally silly because playing the ingenue has payed off so well for you.

Sure, we believe you, you absolutely did not care that your husband’s education/college was likely to lead to a lucrative career. I’m sure you were dating unemployed philosophers before you met him.

I was well educated through graduate school and was on a good career trajectory in my career and I hoped to meet someone like minded and I did. Was I marrying him for his money? No way because we were both early in our careers and while doing well we both had a lot of debt. But we both had dreams of doing well and we did. At that point I wasn’t focused on money but On all the other things you hope for in a spouse.

Anonymous wrote:This is why most UMC parents care about sending their kids to an 'elite' college. The SES vetting is handled by admissions and there are higher chances for meeting and mating with the 'right' kind of partner.

I think plain old MC parents are more likely to fantasize about this outcome- only to be met with heaps of other students who have MC strivers as parents on campus. Dcum gives the unassuming reader a very distorted perception of the prevalence of wealth in the US.

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Anonymous wrote:At 25 few people are wealthy unless born into it. You marry someone for many reasons including the potential to have a good career. We have plenty of wealthy friends and none of them were born into it. At the same time plenty of people never achieve their potential.

This. Most people are meeting their spouses in their 20s. They aren't rich yet. They may be in law school or med school, junior bankers, etc. and have potential. But plenty of junior biglaw associates never make the big bucks as partner.

I am mid 40s. Most people I know met their spouses in their 30s. NOT their 20s.

I can only think of one couple I know that met in their 30s. Certainly many got married in 30s, but they were together since 20s.

I don’t know any of those.

Most of my friends (including me) met their SO in their 20s.

So for the people who said they married for money, does that they didn’t marry for love? I didn’t “marry for money” though DH is well educated and reasonably successful. We met in college and, well, love each other a lot! We love hanging out together, get along great, support each other and make each other happy. The idea that some of you just want the money your spouse provides seems, uh, sad?

But if you saying you truly love your spouse and they happen to be loaded, then great. You win!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 25 few people are wealthy unless born into it. You marry someone for many reasons including the potential to have a good career. We have plenty of wealthy friends and none of them were born into it. At the same time plenty of people never achieve their potential.

This. Most people are meeting their spouses in their 20s. They aren't rich yet. They may be in law school or med school, junior bankers, etc. and have potential. But plenty of junior biglaw associates never make the big bucks as partner.

I am mid 40s. Most people I know met their spouses in their 30s. NOT their 20s.

I can only think of one couple I know that met in their 30s. Certainly many got married in 30s, but they were together since 20s.

I don’t know any of those.

It’s called being smart.

Men are enough work as it is. At least marry one who’ll make your life easier/your kids lives better.

Anonymous wrote:I didn't marry for money but definitely encouraging my DD to consider it when getting hitched.

Same. I live in a wealthy area (we are the poor). Can totally tell parents are trying to ensure kids marry those with money.

Anonymous wrote:“To be born poor is nothing to be ashamed of. To marry poor is just plain stupidity.”

—my dad 🙄

"My friends are all multi-millionaires!"

--my Mom, who thought she wasn't but died one 😏.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 25 few people are wealthy unless born into it. You marry someone for many reasons including the potential to have a good career. We have plenty of wealthy friends and none of them were born into it. At the same time plenty of people never achieve their potential.

This. Most people are meeting their spouses in their 20s. They aren't rich yet. They may be in law school or med school, junior bankers, etc. and have potential. But plenty of junior biglaw associates never make the big bucks as partner.

I am mid 40s. Most people I know met their spouses in their 30s. NOT their 20s.

2nd spouses?

No. First spouses

Yes, I did. DW is loaded.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why most UMC parents care about sending their kids to an 'elite' college. The SES vetting is handled by admissions and there are higher chances for meeting and mating with the 'right' kind of partner.

I disagree with your statement. The parents have more confidence in their own kids. The hope for social mobility isn't in marrying well. It isn't even close to the top of the list as to why UMC parents want their kids to go to a top 5 type of college.

Never even crossed my mind and I can confidently say that most parents of my children's friends are laser focused on college prestige's help with career so they won't need crutches.

As far as potential goes, I've seen it never materializing and even if does after 10 years of struggles, its not worth it. Most ambitious people use and lose their first partners as soon as they are successful.