Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you stop watching porn then it will be easier for you to perform with your wife.

This is really good advice. Much better than fixing healthy snacks for her every weekend.
It also takes no time or money.

Would you give the same advice to a wife fed up with her fatass husband's weight?

To stop watching porn? Yes. That doesn’t seem like a big issue though.

I would tell women with lazy or unromantic husbands to stop watching romantic movies and stop following “cute couples” on TikTok.

If your spouse isn’t your fantasy, stop spending a lot of time looking at other people’s spouses who are presenting a curated image of your fantasy.
It’s not going to make you happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

I am curious how old your wife is if she has a career and the youngest is 8 years olds? Maybe she's already in peri menopause.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea that women (or anyone) can lose weight only if they have the time to work out and cook healthy food is a lie spread to sell stuff (like gym memberships, personal trainers, and expensive groceries) and to make people feel better about being fat. If you want to lose weight, you have to take in fewer calories than you burn. The most efficient way to do that is to eat less, which means developing better habits about your food consumption. Plus, eating less takes LESS time and costs LESS money. The amount your body burns in its resting state declines as you age, which means that to avoid gaining weight as you age, you have to also reduce the amount you eat. It's very simple, and the nutritionists who aren't trying to sell you some fad product know this.

You are stuck in bad science from the dark ages, poster. There is literally a mountain of medical research evidence that totally disproves the calories in/calories out (CICO) theory of weight loss. It is total bunk. It does not acknowledge the differences of calories sources nor the very complex interworkings of hormones and other factors in the body, and how very individual we are.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/stop-counting-calories

I could literally post links all day long that reiterate that CICO is total and complete bullshit. Only closed minded gym rats and people selling BS diet methods are still squawking CICO to people. Get with the times and the nutritional science.

New poster. Another thing to consider is that most medical studies were done on men, not women. For men it very well may be calories in calories out. Women have all of the hormonal changes throughout their life cycle.

Too bad Op. This is on you.
Get it together. Get yourself together and make it work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I feel the same about my husband. I try to remember there is more to marriage than that. Can you take her somewhere special where she would be forced to dress it and compliment her on how good she looks. Babysitting for kids? Help around house?

Or how about getting into a fitness routine? You can frame it as “let’s get fit together so that we can live long and healthy lives for our kids’ sakes.”

She already has a regular fitness routine.

I would say this is similar to starting to go to church every weekend and being like, “Let’s figure out our spirituality together so we can live better lives and find a reason for being that doesn’t revolve around our kids as they grow up.”

Some people might respond well to this, and some might be really put off by it. It depends on previous experiences.

Do you have money?

I just posted above that I freshen up my wardrobe. I buy at least 5 new outfits per season.

I have many vain friends. The company you keep may also determine how you carry yourself. My friends all eat well, work out, have great hair and dress well. Even at casual meet ups, I have to dress decently to not look like a slob. We are also members of a country club where everyone seems thin. I have to look presentable at the clubhouse or when I take my kids to tennis. I don’t try hard but I try a little, at least look out together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Because some women sail through peri-menopause and post menopause with barely a symptom, and some women have symptoms that debilitate their health. In particular, many women suffer chronic insomnia for years during this period of life - and chronic insomnia drives elevated cortisol which messes up the body's ability to regulate hunger, turn food into energy, build muscle versus storing energy into fat cells, etc.

Nutritional science is pretty complex, it is NOT CICO, as I've posted above. The cascade of hormones that women go through at the change of life can totally mess up their body's energy use/storage functions, and can drive overeating.

She is not weak or lazy, she is being controlled by the same cascade of hormones that in many cases in a different stage of life caused her to marry some shallow a-hole so she could have kids.

My bet is on OP to dump his 'frumpy' wife for a younger and hotter version by the time the kids are teens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you stop watching porn then it will be easier for you to perform with your wife.

This is really good advice. Much better than fixing healthy snacks for her every weekend.
It also takes no time or money.

Would you give the same advice to a wife fed up with her fatass husband's weight?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

I am the OP. My wife gained 70 pounds over 18 years before even hitting perimenopause. Are you saying she has 35 more unavoidably coming?

Anonymous wrote:If you stop watching porn then it will be easier for you to perform with your wife.

This is really good advice. Much better than fixing healthy snacks for her every weekend.
It also takes no time or money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fix the frumpiness first. Tell her you want to show your appreciation for her being such an amazing wife. Pay for her to have a session with a personal stylist and give her a few hundred in cash to spend on new, hotter clothes. Then set up a consult for her with a professional makeup artist and some more cash to buy high quality products. Finally, schedule a spa day where she can relax and get skin and body treatments. She sounds tired and run down, so forcing her to relax and up her grooming is a great first step to empower her to fix her health.

Treat that as gifting her an experience as well. Tell her you notice that both of you appear tired and run down lately, and could you set up a few sessions with a dietician to focus on changing both of our diets to boost our energy levels? A dietician will naturally correct excessive caloric intake in a nonjudgemental way. You just want to get her in the door without criticizing her and making her seem deficient. She probably feels overwhelmed and not desirable anymore herself. As her spouse, it's your job to support her and help her through this by increasing the amount of positive attention and pampering you give her. I guarantee you will see positive returns with this method.

I would react so, So negatively to this approach. It is so obviously an effort to “fix” someone. I would react positively to my husband saying: you deserve a day off. And then I decide if I want a spa day. Or maybe not, maybe I just want to go out with friends. Maybe my husband will need to give me an LOT of days off before I get to the part where I start thinking about my style. Also, my husband does not give me money for clothes. I buy what I want, it is 2024.

This. I am often frumpy these days (dealing with some depression) and I know darn well how I look. My DH doesn’t say anything. But when I do put in (even the tiniest bit of) effort, he is very complimentary and it seems genuine and sincere. Which I find motivating to try again the next day.

I’m frumpy (comfortable) most days but I freshen up my wardrobe every season. I get a new fitted coat, boots, some skirt and dresses. I recently got new sweats and was surprised people actually complimented my matching sweat outfit. I guess this is currently in? My oldest is in high school and many girls dress like me - sweats and ugg slippers.

I do work out 4-5 times per week and come from a thin family. Up until last year, I was about 5 pounds off from my pre pregnancy weight. I have gained another 5. I love to eat though and it is hard not to eat.

Anonymous wrote:I get it. I feel the same about my husband. I try to remember there is more to marriage than that. Can you take her somewhere special where she would be forced to dress it and compliment her on how good she looks. Babysitting for kids? Help around house?

Or how about getting into a fitness routine? You can frame it as “let’s get fit together so that we can live long and healthy lives for our kids’ sakes.”

I think it’s OK to mourn your youth, OP. You sound like a nice person.

Lots of PPs are suggesting ways you can help your wife lose weight. I want to say that this is the wrong approach. You will alienate her and frustrate yourself. Someone has to want to lose weight - badly - in order for it to work. “Walks” and “healthy snacks” won’t do it. If she wants to lose weight, you can best help her by agreeing to make room for ozempic in the family budget. Seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

Women gain an average of 35 pounds post menopause.
Does your mom look like she did in her wedding photo? Did your grandmother when you were growing up? Have you ever followed any biography or documentary about a woman who isn’t a model or actress? Most people gain weight as they get older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

We have a live-in nanny/housekeeper and I do my fair share of chores/childcare. We both exercise regularly. I think it comes down to eating too much. Or not cutting back with metabolism being slower.

If she exercises regularly, then she's "not letting herself go". I can see being annoyed if she's not trying. Likely her hormones are causing it. You have no idea what women go through to bear children and dthen peri-menopause/menopause. Grow up and care about the important things.

I hear the menopause argument from my overweight (200+ pounds) perimenopausal wife. My question is why don't ALl women have significant weight problems post-menopause.

I don't know. Why are some men bald and not all others? Why are some people tall and some are short? Why are some people stupid and rude and others are smart and kind?
Do you really need to ask this question?
Some women have IUDs or use hormones or take semi-glutides. Some women don't.