Anonymous wrote:Assume two middle-aged adults, neither with kids at home anymore.

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

I have very high standards- for sexual attraction and work/play /income/lifestyle compatibility(which means similar custody schedules if kids still in the house) so I’m not in danger of sleeping with too many guys. Like I said I don’t go on many third dates. In the six years I’ve been dating all of them led to relationships, so maybe my picker is more honed in to what I want. I don’t ever want to marry or cohabitate so the above mentioned things matter most and can be pretty well figured out through 3 dates and weeks of texting or calls

Not sure how you can figure out all about their lifestyle income and hobbies all in 3 dates but ok

It’s remarkably easy by one’s 40s. People
Who take great care of themselves and have income to spend on maintenance look drastically different than those who don’t. Cars. Zip codes. Hobbies. Friends, clubs, career, sports vacation spots and their social media make it easy to verify. Remember it’s not just three dates. It’s at least a month of texting or FaceTiming etc by a third date. You can get to know someone quite well through a month of regular communication. Well enough to begin a relationship- not marry or anything. Duh.

Ah, here you go - I don't text/Face Time for a month prior to first date. I just do a short video check-in if I have questions about his profile. if he's super attractive and profile well written no video check-in. The first RL intro is max a week from matching them first. I never maintain texting with people I don't know

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

I have very high standards- for sexual attraction and work/play /income/lifestyle compatibility(which means similar custody schedules if kids still in the house) so I’m not in danger of sleeping with too many guys. Like I said I don’t go on many third dates. In the six years I’ve been dating all of them led to relationships, so maybe my picker is more honed in to what I want. I don’t ever want to marry or cohabitate so the above mentioned things matter most and can be pretty well figured out through 3 dates and weeks of texting or calls

Not sure how you can figure out all about their lifestyle income and hobbies all in 3 dates but ok

It’s remarkably easy by one’s 40s. People
Who take great care of themselves and have income to spend on maintenance look drastically different than those who don’t. Cars. Zip codes. Hobbies. Friends, clubs, career, sports vacation spots and their social media make it easy to verify. Remember it’s not just three dates. It’s at least a month of texting or FaceTiming etc by a third date. You can get to know someone quite well through a month of regular communication. Well enough to begin a relationship- not marry or anything. Duh.

Ah, here you go - I don't text/Face Time for a month prior to first date. I just do a short video check-in if I have questions about his profile. if he's super attractive and profile well written no video check-in. The first RL intro is max a week from matching them first. I never maintain texting with people I don't know

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

I have very high standards- for sexual attraction and work/play /income/lifestyle compatibility(which means similar custody schedules if kids still in the house) so I’m not in danger of sleeping with too many guys. Like I said I don’t go on many third dates. In the six years I’ve been dating all of them led to relationships, so maybe my picker is more honed in to what I want. I don’t ever want to marry or cohabitate so the above mentioned things matter most and can be pretty well figured out through 3 dates and weeks of texting or calls

Not sure how you can figure out all about their lifestyle income and hobbies all in 3 dates but ok

It’s remarkably easy by one’s 40s. People
Who take great care of themselves and have income to spend on maintenance look drastically different than those who don’t. Cars. Zip codes. Hobbies. Friends, clubs, career, sports vacation spots and their social media make it easy to verify. Remember it’s not just three dates. It’s at least a month of texting or FaceTiming etc by a third date. You can get to know someone quite well through a month of regular communication. Well enough to begin a relationship- not marry or anything. Duh.

Anonymous wrote:Male perspective - any women who offers it up on the first date isn’t worth a second date. How many of these first dates has she had? I may be a unicorn but I politely refuse and block.

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

I have very high standards- for sexual attraction and work/play /income/lifestyle compatibility(which means similar custody schedules if kids still in the house) so I’m not in danger of sleeping with too many guys. Like I said I don’t go on many third dates. In the six years I’ve been dating all of them led to relationships, so maybe my picker is more honed in to what I want. I don’t ever want to marry or cohabitate so the above mentioned things matter most and can be pretty well figured out through 3 dates and weeks of texting or calls

Not sure how you can figure out all about their lifestyle income and hobbies all in 3 dates but ok

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

I have very high standards- for sexual attraction and work/play /income/lifestyle compatibility(which means similar custody schedules if kids still in the house) so I’m not in danger of sleeping with too many guys. Like I said I don’t go on many third dates. In the six years I’ve been dating all of them led to relationships, so maybe my picker is more honed in to what I want. I don’t ever want to marry or cohabitate so the above mentioned things matter most and can be pretty well figured out through 3 dates and weeks of texting or calls

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t go on second or third dates with people I’m not interested in- ever. I’m an attractive F in her 40s. Most men I screen out with a coffee date. If they make it to a proper dinner date, definitely some making out/get a feel for them sexually. Third date id sleep with them. I’m not interested in ONS as emotional and sexual vulnerability and actual want are my turn ons. It’s easy to match with men when you’re pretty- harder to find ones you want to get naked with.

It appears you have no interest finding more about their personality before “test driving”. I’m the same - never see past coffee date those I’m not interested. But let’s say I was sexually interested at first date: my initial positive assessment of his attractiveness may actually change after 5-6 dates based on what he was saying, how he behaved etc.
It’s more important to me to gauge personality first - how he reciprocates emotionally, if we have common interests or on same life stages, how he speaks of other women etc.
I would have to sleep with too many guys if I used sexual vulnerability as main criteria. Couple dates is not enough time to get to know the person

Anonymous wrote:Well for me as a guy I’ve had women I met sleep with me the first night multiple times, the second date too.

Most by the third.

If you’re a good looking guy with a good job and stay in shape it’s like shooting fish in a barrel honestly. Lots of thirsty single moms.

If I want something serious - finding her online is not where I look. Every single woman I met online is smash and pass only.

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Anonymous wrote:If I knew from the get go that the person was definitely not relationship material yet I was physically attracted probably right away.

But if I liked them + saw some potential in a future w/them maybe after ten dates.

so no emotional connection needed, just need to be h*rny, right?

I’m a different female, and it happens rather often to me that he’s just making me horny but I don’t feel emotional connection. I keep my knees closed and move on, don't sleep. There are toys for that. If women you were seeing were sleeping with others in parallel, it doesn’t mean all women do that.

Men constantly sleep with women just because they're horny, why do women feel the need to constantly do the "not all women are like that" to a bunch of hypocritical men? It's almost like your sense of self-worth depends on what men think of you.

I just don't want to waste my time on these one night endeavors: men might call me, ask for more, and I have many more suitors who are better matches to pursue.

The point isn't that you don't like first date sex, the point is that you're pulling the "not all women" card to explain your ability for self-restraint to a man who just confessed to have none, as if you expected higher standards from women. Something I find funny as well is that the poster never even said that all women are the same, but you had the need to defend yourself for some reason.

You are overanalyzing what I said and to whom. Yes, I do think women should hold themselves to a higher standard than men in dating, particular on OLD where 90% men lie, carry deceases etc.

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Anonymous wrote:Every woman who opened her legs for me on the first date ended up being a mutual on demand hookup. If I like a woman I won't sleep with her on the first date cause I don't want to blow up my chances at a potential relationship. I don't know what happened to women now though so many are ready to hook up by the second date. They are sadly promiscuous just like men.

Not all women are like that: to me it’s couple months. If he’s only a sexual draw/no personality match or only a good person/no sexual attraction I don’t see them after 3 dates. But if all elements for a relationship seem present, I try to see him for 5-6 dates (about a month), ask about recent std testing, if he plans to sleep with others in parallel etc. I also don’t understand why can’t people just use toys to address the physical itch. It’s not just STDs but new partner often brings really painful UTIs for women. Things shake up during sex and I need to adjust physically to him. Would be too much trouble for a casual one off ONS. But that’s me - maybe other women are not as intimately sensitive to carousel of partners

You're replying to a man who confessed to sleep with women on the first date if he didn't see potential, why only women get criticized for this behavior?

I'm not criticizing them, just saying it amazes me how some women can do this physically. Sounds like way more trouble to women to engage in ONS (pregnancy risks, higher risks of catching stds vs men, risk of criminal behaviors etc). Maybe people assume these women are overall less stable and are risk seekers which is not a good relationship material?

Exactly my point, does it amaze you when men sleep or try to sleep with women on a first date? Men do catch STDs and get set up for robberies that way after all. Do you also think people are justify in seeing these men as less stable and not relationship material?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If I knew from the get go that the person was definitely not relationship material yet I was physically attracted probably right away.

But if I liked them + saw some potential in a future w/them maybe after ten dates.

so no emotional connection needed, just need to be h*rny, right?

I’m a different female, and it happens rather often to me that he’s just making me horny but I don’t feel emotional connection. I keep my knees closed and move on, don't sleep. There are toys for that. If women you were seeing were sleeping with others in parallel, it doesn’t mean all women do that.

Men constantly sleep with women just because they're horny, why do women feel the need to constantly do the "not all women are like that" to a bunch of hypocritical men? It's almost like your sense of self-worth depends on what men think of you.

I just don't want to waste my time on these one night endeavors: men might call me, ask for more, and I have many more suitors who are better matches to pursue.

The point isn't that you don't like first date sex, the point is that you're pulling the "not all women" card to explain your ability for self-restraint to a man who just confessed to have none, as if you expected higher standards from women. Something I find funny as well is that the poster never even said that all women are the same, but you had the need to defend yourself for some reason.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I knew from the get go that the person was definitely not relationship material yet I was physically attracted probably right away.

But if I liked them + saw some potential in a future w/them maybe after ten dates.

so no emotional connection needed, just need to be h*rny, right?

I’m a different female, and it happens rather often to me that he’s just making me horny but I don’t feel emotional connection. I keep my knees closed and move on, don't sleep. There are toys for that. If women you were seeing were sleeping with others in parallel, it doesn’t mean all women do that.

Men constantly sleep with women just because they're horny, why do women feel the need to constantly do the "not all women are like that" to a bunch of hypocritical men? It's almost like your sense of self-worth depends on what men think of you.

I just don't want to waste my time on these one night endeavors: men might call me, ask for more, and I have many more suitors who are better matches to pursue.