Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

I have a high school-age child and the age issue has come up a few times. We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age. My child was so confused as to why they'd recommend it without knowing them, looking at their grades or test scores, and said no.

I've talked about it over the years with my child as they were confused about why friends the same age/birthday are a year younger. Some were held back by parents, others were not able to go because of the birthday cut-off. Even though they are smaller and younger, they feel they are in the right grade. Come 8th grade, they were so done with MS and ready to move on.

Come HS they are in several more advanced classes, some with seniors. So, holding them back and them missing out on other opportunities that go by grade, not age, would have been a huge disservice to them.

You didn’t feel like you needed to redshirt and neither did your child’s teachers. That’s very different from a parent taking the advice of preK teachers or having concerns about your child’s readiness and choosing to hold your child back. I think that’s why you are getting different responses about satisfaction from redshirting on this thread. Note: OP’s child doesn’t seem to have any delays and the teachers haven’t suggested holding him back.

Also, my non redshirted May birthday junior has been in advanced classes with upperclassmen for three years now and that’s simply not an issue. In smaller privates, that is standard.

What are you talking about? You are making lots of assumptions. Yes, there were concerns and delays. The difference is we dealt with them. We held the child back and it was a huge mistake. Child skipped a year to fix it.

Here’s what you wrote: “We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age.” That is very different from saying “we had concerns and delays and dealt with them.” I can only respond to what you write.

There were both. Funny thing, we dealt with the delays and did many years of therapies. Child would have needed the same thing regardless of the grade. Holding back would not have helped. However it would have hurt self esteem , socially and academically later on.

Most privates demand kids be held back. When you ask them why they could not say which means it’s for the school not the child. Makes you wonder about the schools.

These privates aren’t full of kids suffering socially and lacking self esteem if they are older. You are either unfamiliar with this population or lying. Probably both.

Right? Believe me, it does no damage to private school kids’ self-esteem to be redshirted.

I posted earlier about how I feel the decision should be always made with reference to the specific school you’re interested in, as well as the specific child. The cohort will vary widely. I would not necessarily want my child to be the only redshirted kid in a class, unless there were a very strong reason, but if every other kid his age is being redshirted? Absolutely. It’s just a different cohort. And if like some posters, you are deeply morally opposed, find an environment where redshirting is rare. They certainly exist.

You think your private school kids don't mix with public school kids and they all talk about it? If your top private is so good, they should be able to handle age appropriate kids, not kids who have been delayed for the schools needs. Thats what I don't get. Why do these privates insist on holding kids back if they are the "best." Surely the best is able to teach kids who are 5.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

And what about May? it’s like a 2-3 month difference but it’s questionable for many reasons. I don’t think there’s a clear answer. We sent our May boys on time but I don’t love that they are the youngest. I feel like they have to be exceptionally good at things or above average in class to keep up or stand out. I know holding them would have made it easier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

I have a high school-age child and the age issue has come up a few times. We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age. My child was so confused as to why they'd recommend it without knowing them, looking at their grades or test scores, and said no.

I've talked about it over the years with my child as they were confused about why friends the same age/birthday are a year younger. Some were held back by parents, others were not able to go because of the birthday cut-off. Even though they are smaller and younger, they feel they are in the right grade. Come 8th grade, they were so done with MS and ready to move on.

Come HS they are in several more advanced classes, some with seniors. So, holding them back and them missing out on other opportunities that go by grade, not age, would have been a huge disservice to them.

You didn’t feel like you needed to redshirt and neither did your child’s teachers. That’s very different from a parent taking the advice of preK teachers or having concerns about your child’s readiness and choosing to hold your child back. I think that’s why you are getting different responses about satisfaction from redshirting on this thread. Note: OP’s child doesn’t seem to have any delays and the teachers haven’t suggested holding him back.

Also, my non redshirted May birthday junior has been in advanced classes with upperclassmen for three years now and that’s simply not an issue. In smaller privates, that is standard.

What are you talking about? You are making lots of assumptions. Yes, there were concerns and delays. The difference is we dealt with them. We held the child back and it was a huge mistake. Child skipped a year to fix it.

Here’s what you wrote: “We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age.” That is very different from saying “we had concerns and delays and dealt with them.” I can only respond to what you write.

There were both. Funny thing, we dealt with the delays and did many years of therapies. Child would have needed the same thing regardless of the grade. Holding back would not have helped. However it would have hurt self esteem , socially and academically later on.

Most privates demand kids be held back. When you ask them why they could not say which means it’s for the school not the child. Makes you wonder about the schools.

These privates aren’t full of kids suffering socially and lacking self esteem if they are older. You are either unfamiliar with this population or lying. Probably both.

Right? Believe me, it does no damage to private school kids’ self-esteem to be redshirted.

I posted earlier about how I feel the decision should be always made with reference to the specific school you’re interested in, as well as the specific child. The cohort will vary widely. I would not necessarily want my child to be the only redshirted kid in a class, unless there were a very strong reason, but if every other kid his age is being redshirted? Absolutely. It’s just a different cohort. And if like some posters, you are deeply morally opposed, find an environment where redshirting is rare. They certainly exist.

We did not redshirt our late August boy. PK4 was a bit of a struggle, and we seriously considered waiting to send him to K. But then that spring everything started clicking and he's been fine since. He's now in sixth grade and just got accepted into advanced math. Socially he has plenty of friends and does multiple extracurriculars. He's a bit on the small side but I'm not overly concerned because my H was a late bloomer and DS is a carbon copy of him. So far so good! My H went to college at age 17 but if DS is not ready, we are open to a gap year then.

Send him! We did not redshirt our Aug boy and he is doing great in high school now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my end of August kid to kindergarten this year. DC currently in K also has 7 other kids with birthdays between July-September. 1 kid was still 4 at open house, actually. I was really hesitant to send DC because they are very small for their age (my toddler is heavier and almost the same height), but they are doing really well and already knew how to read. Definitely send him if he's ready.

Too early to tell. Come back and report after 8th grade

Those of us with older kids are telling you it was the right choice. Why are you trying to discredit that.

Not for me. You can only speak for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

I have a high school-age child and the age issue has come up a few times. We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age. My child was so confused as to why they'd recommend it without knowing them, looking at their grades or test scores, and said no.

I've talked about it over the years with my child as they were confused about why friends the same age/birthday are a year younger. Some were held back by parents, others were not able to go because of the birthday cut-off. Even though they are smaller and younger, they feel they are in the right grade. Come 8th grade, they were so done with MS and ready to move on.

Come HS they are in several more advanced classes, some with seniors. So, holding them back and them missing out on other opportunities that go by grade, not age, would have been a huge disservice to them.

You didn’t feel like you needed to redshirt and neither did your child’s teachers. That’s very different from a parent taking the advice of preK teachers or having concerns about your child’s readiness and choosing to hold your child back. I think that’s why you are getting different responses about satisfaction from redshirting on this thread. Note: OP’s child doesn’t seem to have any delays and the teachers haven’t suggested holding him back.

Also, my non redshirted May birthday junior has been in advanced classes with upperclassmen for three years now and that’s simply not an issue. In smaller privates, that is standard.

What are you talking about? You are making lots of assumptions. Yes, there were concerns and delays. The difference is we dealt with them. We held the child back and it was a huge mistake. Child skipped a year to fix it.

Here’s what you wrote: “We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age.” That is very different from saying “we had concerns and delays and dealt with them.” I can only respond to what you write.

There were both. Funny thing, we dealt with the delays and did many years of therapies. Child would have needed the same thing regardless of the grade. Holding back would not have helped. However it would have hurt self esteem , socially and academically later on.

Most privates demand kids be held back. When you ask them why they could not say which means it’s for the school not the child. Makes you wonder about the schools.

These privates aren’t full of kids suffering socially and lacking self esteem if they are older. You are either unfamiliar with this population or lying. Probably both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son has a March birthday and while we did not redshirt, we had several people telling us it would only benefit him. We are in private school though and most summer birthdays are redshirted and therefore my March birthday son is usually one of the youngest in the class.

I’ve known of many privates that require redshirting to attend for certain birthdays.

A march birthday should never be held back. You have to question a school that requires that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who is answering this before their kids are HS age is giving premature feedback. Middle school / HS is when the reasons for potential regrets (if present) will become show up

I have a high school-age child and the age issue has come up a few times. We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age. My child was so confused as to why they'd recommend it without knowing them, looking at their grades or test scores, and said no.

I've talked about it over the years with my child as they were confused about why friends the same age/birthday are a year younger. Some were held back by parents, others were not able to go because of the birthday cut-off. Even though they are smaller and younger, they feel they are in the right grade. Come 8th grade, they were so done with MS and ready to move on.

Come HS they are in several more advanced classes, some with seniors. So, holding them back and them missing out on other opportunities that go by grade, not age, would have been a huge disservice to them.

You didn’t feel like you needed to redshirt and neither did your child’s teachers. That’s very different from a parent taking the advice of preK teachers or having concerns about your child’s readiness and choosing to hold your child back. I think that’s why you are getting different responses about satisfaction from redshirting on this thread. Note: OP’s child doesn’t seem to have any delays and the teachers haven’t suggested holding him back.

Also, my non redshirted May birthday junior has been in advanced classes with upperclassmen for three years now and that’s simply not an issue. In smaller privates, that is standard.

What are you talking about? You are making lots of assumptions. Yes, there were concerns and delays. The difference is we dealt with them. We held the child back and it was a huge mistake. Child skipped a year to fix it.

Here’s what you wrote: “We looked at privates in ES and they recommended holding back based on age.” That is very different from saying “we had concerns and delays and dealt with them.” I can only respond to what you write.

There were both. Funny thing, we dealt with the delays and did many years of therapies. Child would have needed the same thing regardless of the grade. Holding back would not have helped. However it would have hurt self esteem , socially and academically later on.

Most privates demand kids be held back. When you ask them why they could not say which means it’s for the school not the child. Makes you wonder about the schools.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my end of August kid to kindergarten this year. DC currently in K also has 7 other kids with birthdays between July-September. 1 kid was still 4 at open house, actually. I was really hesitant to send DC because they are very small for their age (my toddler is heavier and almost the same height), but they are doing really well and already knew how to read. Definitely send him if he's ready.

Too early to tell. Come back and report after 8th grade

Those of us with older kids are telling you it was the right choice. Why are you trying to discredit that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent my end of August kid to kindergarten this year. DC currently in K also has 7 other kids with birthdays between July-September. 1 kid was still 4 at open house, actually. I was really hesitant to send DC because they are very small for their age (my toddler is heavier and almost the same height), but they are doing really well and already knew how to read. Definitely send him if he's ready.

Too early to tell. Come back and report after 8th grade

Doesn't matter. You can retain later if needed.

Anonymous wrote:I sent my end of August kid to kindergarten this year. DC currently in K also has 7 other kids with birthdays between July-September. 1 kid was still 4 at open house, actually. I was really hesitant to send DC because they are very small for their age (my toddler is heavier and almost the same height), but they are doing really well and already knew how to read. Definitely send him if he's ready.

Too early to tell. Come back and report after 8th grade

Anonymous wrote:My son has a March birthday and while we did not redshirt, we had several people telling us it would only benefit him. We are in private school though and most summer birthdays are redshirted and therefore my March birthday son is usually one of the youngest in the class.

My friend with kids in a southern private school redshirted them and they have Jan and Feb birthdays. I was shocked that people would do this for kids without need (which hers do not have). And her kids are really tall too!

I sent my end of August kid to kindergarten this year. DC currently in K also has 7 other kids with birthdays between July-September. 1 kid was still 4 at open house, actually. I was really hesitant to send DC because they are very small for their age (my toddler is heavier and almost the same height), but they are doing really well and already knew how to read. Definitely send him if he's ready.

We did not redshirt an August birthday and don't regret it. I think Kindergarten was a little more challenging emotionally for her than for some peers because she was 5 the whole year and at that age, 6 or 9 months can make a big difference.

But that's it. She has never struggled academically and has always been a very advanced reader and writer, and usually a little above grade level in math. Even in K. So I don't see any academic advantage to redshirting her, and I can actually see how it might have been negative. She was reading at a 3rd or 4th grade level in 1st. If she'd been redshirted, she likely would have been even further ahead. I just don't see what benefit that could have had.

Socially, she's always had somewhat younger interests or outlook than many peers. Like she can come off as naive. She played with dolls longer than most friends, avoided movies or books that were scary or had more adult themes longer (by her own choice).

The thing is, I wouldn't describe her as immature, though. I remember once she told me that some of her classmates teased her because she still played with dolls. This was middle elementary, like 3rd/4th grade. I said "how did that make you feel?" And she shrugged and said, "I don't care. I just like it." She wasn't upset by the teasing really, and had this attitude like she was going to do what she wanted and who cares if some other kids thought it was babyish. Which is actually a very mature outlook. She's always been pretty emotionally mature in that way -- good at articulating her feelings, processing conflict, etc. So while she comes off as younger than other kids (because she is, and because I think developmentally she's a late bloomer anyway), she has a mature emotional outlook so I don't think it matters that much.

We absolutely have discussed how a gap year might be good for her after high school, though we'll leave it up to her (I honestly trust her to make good choices for herself, she's so self-assured). But she's going to graduate near the top of her class. She has friends, self-confidence, a real self-awareness about herself. She's even pretty competitive in her sport (swimming), not a superstar but a strong competitor and well liked by coaches and teammates. She starts high school next year and when I asked her whether she thought it would be a big change for her, she said yes but that she feels ready for a new challenge.

It's impossible to know what life might have been like if she'd redshirted, but I really struggle to see how it would have improved her life thus far. And I can see a few ways in which it would have been a negative. When your kid is on the bubble age-wise, I think you just have to make the choices that feels like it makes the most sense, and then offer support and help for the challenges you meet along the way.