Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. Women will always be last.

Your DH kinda sucks, not because of the game he can't control the schedule and as the head coach he has to show, but his attitude sucks.

He should have been empathetic and rescheduling the dinner.

He should not have tried to shame and guilt you for being disappointed.

You have the right to be disappointed.

You deserve to be celebrated.

You go to that dinner. Congratulations!

Yuck. It's more like some women will always be self-centered narcissists looking for excuses to complain when they aren't the center of attention.

The celebratory dinner can be rescheduled and there is more than one restaurant in the area.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Why should the DH be apologized to? Women always take last place it seems.

Bc OP asked DH to entirely MISS something that's very important to him and to their child, for something for her that can VERY easily be rescheduled. That's selfishness.

It's not about "taking last place" as you put; its about compromising and considering your spouse's feelings as well.

But DH is asking that something else that's clearly important be "missed" as well, for something that was hard to schedule and was on a calendar for, it seems, a very long time.

Waiting 24 hours is not "missing" the event. She's asking him to miss it entirely. We're all suggesting she just wait a single day.

There's a HUGE difference. Honestly, OP is being a little childish.

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting b/c it is an ongoing discussion in our rec league as to how to get the Indian, Korean and European families to volunteer to coach or help out in any way. They NEVER do but sign their kids up to play.

Gotta get that "volunteer deposit check" at the start of the year. And its gotta be a good amount. 100 bucks ain't enough. 200 per kid in the program

I help run a wrestling organization and the amount of volunteers we need is huge. Setting up the gym/mats the night before. Then, 6-8 hours of score keeper, clock manager, bout tree manager for 4 mats. Plus concessions. Plus door duty/admissions. Then, rolling up the mats and getting them out of the gym and back into storage after the meet/tournament is over

We need so many volunteers.

And the only way get it to work is if they know we'll cash that check at the end of year if they haven't volunteered.

I'm the wife of a football coach, and I totally see your point of view. I think it's okay to be miffed and to tell him you're miffed, but to let him go. It's the playoffs, and that's important for the kids and team. I've learned the hard way not to schedule important stuff like this during playoff time. That part of the season is really unpredictable and can lead to hurt feelings when stuff like this comes up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Why should the DH be apologized to? Women always take last place it seems.

Bc OP asked DH to entirely MISS something that's very important to him and to their child, for something for her that can VERY easily be rescheduled. That's selfishness.

It's not about "taking last place" as you put; its about compromising and considering your spouse's feelings as well.

But DH is asking that something else that's clearly important be "missed" as well, for something that was hard to schedule and was on a calendar for, it seems, a very long time.

This is interesting b/c it is an ongoing discussion in our rec league as to how to get the Indian, Korean and European families to volunteer to coach or help out in any way. They NEVER do but sign their kids up to play.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Why should the DH be apologized to? Women always take last place it seems.

Bc OP asked DH to entirely MISS something that's very important to him and to their child, for something for her that can VERY easily be rescheduled. That's selfishness.

It's not about "taking last place" as you put; its about compromising and considering your spouse's feelings as well.

Anonymous wrote:Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Why should the DH be apologized to? Women always take last place it seems.

Team DH.

It's really no big deal to have this dinner on Saturday night as well.

And you getting upset also minimizes the hard work DH and your DC did all season long to make the playoffs.

I woudn't make a big deal of out of this, but a small apology to DH and then a reservation for Sat night should do the trick

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

How about answering the questions? Who is attending this dinner?

What's up with the aggressive questioning? My DH and I had this on our calendar for quite some time. I file my project at 5 p.m. and dinner was at 6. Basically hitting "send" and then celebrating after a long arduous work journey. It's not a work dinner.

But honestly...your tone is kind of pointlessly rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

because she wasn't getting the response she was hoping for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

How about answering the questions? Who is attending this dinner?

Anonymous wrote:How come OP never came back?

Because some people don't stay here all day monitoring threads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is giving me step-mom vibes.

Yep.

I never came back because I'm finishing a huge project. Not a stepmom. That child all 10 lbs came flying out of my body. What an unusual thing to say! What are stepmom vibes?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a European, I will never understand how Americans put children's sports over an adult's major professional accomplishment. Actually, scratch that. It's not just Europeans. It's everyone in the world, probably. I have East Asians in my family, and they would prioritize the work milestone. I have colleagues from the Indian subcontinent. They would prioritize the work milestone too.

I would be extremely hurt and offended if my husband reacted that way. It would actually be a form of deep betrayal. But then my husband is also European and would never make that mistake.

We have markedly different values, don't we? Fascinating.

I would agree if OP were actually receiving an award on the same night for her project. This is just a dinner to celebrate finishing the project. Dinner can be rescheduled. Coaching a team to the playoffs is also a professional/personal accomplishment, and it is actually happening on that night.

This is where I come out. OP isn't getting an award, it isn't an event that is important to her professional career. She finished a big project, and scheduled a celebratory dinner with her spouse. It can be rescheduled, even if it has to be a month out to get reservations at the same place.

Also, what the European overlooks is that Op's husband isn't just attending their kids' playoff game. He's the coach - he made a commitment to the team, the other coaches, and his own kids. Yes, there are plenty of valid reasons that he couldn't make the game (including, for example, that OP has a previously scheduled work obligation and it's important for him to be there). But "my wife was really looking forward to our fancy date night isn't a good reason to skip.

I suppose that part of the "markedly different values" we have is that we Americans believe in honoring our commitments, even at the cost of rescheduling personal events. That is fascinating, that you believe a "European" value is just bailing on your obligations when there's something else you'd rather do. Surprised you'd come out and admit that, but OK.