Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:33     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My therapist always reminds me that my issues with my ils are always basically issues with dh. I think it’s true.

I am trying to raise my sons not to marry a woman who wants to not work. Nuh uh, don’t go there.


Do you also raise your sons to treat women right and love them?


They’re not old enough to be romantic yet but of course! Why is that related?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:33     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It would be easier to follow if you just told us what happened this time OP.


We have a 4 month old son and MIL recently came to visit from 2 hours away and said her son looked really tired. And called him later on to question why he looks so tired almost as if we don’t have a freaking 4 month old child at home.

Again not her business. We alternate nights with the baby pretty much to a T. But again even if I was being “unfair” it’s still not my MIL’s business to go behind my back and hint around to her son to check up on him to make sure I’m “doing my job.”

Her son is a grown married man and a big boy with a mouth of his own. If there were issues he is more than capable of speaking to me himself. Not having mommy swooping in as super woman to try and protect him from being a father and save him from his evil unfair wife.

This isn’t the first time she has tried to pull this shit.

My husband did the right thing by telling her mom. “Yes of course I’m tired I have a 4 month year old son but so is OP and you don’t seem to care about her well being. Please stop questioning how things are done in our household I’m a big boy.” And she did stop but of course after saying, “I’m your mother I’m just looking out for you.”

Funny how she didn’t seem to notice or care after I was in labor for hours on end and when I was super sick during my pregnancy and she didn’t check up to see if her son was doing enough to help take care of me.

Which my husband was amazing through this whole thing.


I mean, why are you so tired? Is the baby colicky? You have other children? At 4 months you really should not be haggard with 1 kid.


It’s our first and only child so far so we are getting used to being new parents. I thought that was pretty standard for first time parents as a new baby?

My point was that my MIL felt it necessary to ask my husband why HE is so tired behind my back which has passive aggressive undertones to it otherwise why not just ask him in front of me? Why ask him behind his wife’s back.

Again she didn’t seem to care after my well being when I had a very difficult pregnancy and then all the pain I was in from the long labor but get her son who didn’t go through one iota of that all of a sudden mommy needs to check up on him and make sure his wife is doing her part.


Maybe she avoids talking to you directly because you are a huge drama queen who over-reacts? I see nothing passive aggressive about this and wouldn’t think anything of it if my MIL did this.

You are assuming the worst of her and refusing to be gracious. Have some class. She is a new grandparent too, maybe she does not know how to help.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:32     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My therapist always reminds me that my issues with my ils are always basically issues with dh. I think it’s true.

I am trying to raise my sons not to marry a woman who wants to not work. Nuh uh, don’t go there.


And I also hope if your sons choose to marry a woman who doesn’t work you don’t butt into their personal marital decision because At that point your son is grown.


I won’t.
But I’m trying to drive it home early and often now so hopefully it never happens.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:28     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.


How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.


So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:24     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:My therapist always reminds me that my issues with my ils are always basically issues with dh. I think it’s true.

I am trying to raise my sons not to marry a woman who wants to not work. Nuh uh, don’t go there.


And I also hope if your sons choose to marry a woman who doesn’t work you don’t butt into their personal marital decision because At that point your son is grown.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:23     Subject: Re:Dear MILs
Does your baby still get up a ton at night? By 4 months I was back to work with all 3 kids and all 3 were sleeping 12 hours through the night. Plus taking 2 - two hour naps. So basically sleeping 16 hours a day.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:23     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:My therapist always reminds me that my issues with my ils are always basically issues with dh. I think it’s true.

I am trying to raise my sons not to marry a woman who wants to not work. Nuh uh, don’t go there.


Do you also raise your sons to treat women right and love them?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:20     Subject: Dear MILs
My therapist always reminds me that my issues with my ils are always basically issues with dh. I think it’s true.

I am trying to raise my sons not to marry a woman who wants to not work. Nuh uh, don’t go there.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:15     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:the bar to post anything anyone wants here on this forum is far too low.


Yes. Amen.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:03     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.


How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.


I could write a book on my crazy MIL. Actually there is a sitcom it’s call “everybody loves Raymond”.

We laugh off her crazy comments and move on.

My aunt once told me I had too many plants they suck the oxygen out of the room. I have a million.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:00     Subject: Dear MILs
I wrote a few exasperated letters to my MIL in our early years of marriage. It was so helpful to get it all out. I never sent them because they’d get waaaay too dramatic and ridiculous. But honestly writing out exactly why I was upset with her and how she was hurting our relationship was excellent clarity for me. Now it’s been 15 years and she can still drive me nuts, but I tend to not care. More like Ive just dropped the rope entirely.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 19:00     Subject: Dear MILs
the bar to post anything anyone wants here on this forum is far too low.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 18:59     Subject: Dear MILs
As a mother I will talk to my grown son about anything I damn well please.

You yourself have a 4 month old son how would you feel if his future wife or husband tried to put restrictions on what you could talk to your own child about?
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 18:57     Subject: Dear MILs
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.


How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.


I actually have a four month old son like you do, and an older boy as well. I treat my MIL the way I hope my future DILs treat me—with kindness and an understanding that this is an older woman who is set in her ways but is important to me, which means putting up (within reason) with things that annoy me. Also my DH would never tell me she said anything negative about me.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2024 18:56     Subject: Dear MILs
It sounds like you have a DH problem. Whining to mommy and venting to her about this baby. You may wanna ask him not to vent to mommy. And talk to an outside non biased source like a therapist.