Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

"the science" is not one study or blog post. It is a set of studies of varying quality. Different people have come to different conclusions about what the results of the existing studies actually mean. The author of the blog post cited by OP clearly has an opinion on this, yet has not been willing to put their actual name on it. There are much more nuanced summaries of the evidence on this issue where the authors have actually been willing to stand behind what they wrote, including:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal-daycare-what-do-the-data-denote
https://parentdata.org/day-care-bad-children/

It saddens me to hear that some parents have left the workforce based on an anonymous blog post, though I'm hopeful that they simply used the blog post to justify the choice they would have made anyway to stay home, which is a perfectly valid choice.

But the nihcd study is pretty much bad news actually. Only 11% of daycares are excellent and so the effect for ~90% of day care kids is therefore negative unless you come from a very troubled home? It basically just reinforces the blog post. What am I missing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posters saying “you can’t tell the difference” between daycare and sahm kids have no idea what is actually at stake.

Beyond a minor effect, it’s not actually about grades, athletics l, social skills or future criminality…. Early years childcare is about nervous system regulation. This shows up in our most intimate, private circumstances—in our sense of self-worth and ability to maintain secure attachments. All of this can be compromised even in someone who is successful and married well. You can’t tell from the outside looking in

+1 I know multiple women who stayed married to alcoholics who also abused them and their kids. They did not have their own money to walk away and/or give their kids a better life because they would have been on the street. The kids are all now very damaged adults.



If no one can tell, what is the consequence exactly?

Mothers who have their own income and retirement savings and can afford to divorce their husbands if they treat them poorly. Scary, I know.

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t say daycare is bad. Just “bad” in terms of increased cortisol for kids under twelve months.I can totally see that. A baby needs one on one attention almost non stop and I don’t think daycare gives that to that age group

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

"the science" is not one study or blog post. It is a set of studies of varying quality. Different people have come to different conclusions about what the results of the existing studies actually mean. The author of the blog post cited by OP clearly has an opinion on this, yet has not been willing to put their actual name on it. There are much more nuanced summaries of the evidence on this issue where the authors have actually been willing to stand behind what they wrote, including:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/202002/the-deal-daycare-what-do-the-data-denote
https://parentdata.org/day-care-bad-children/

It saddens me to hear that some parents have left the workforce based on an anonymous blog post, though I'm hopeful that they simply used the blog post to justify the choice they would have made anyway to stay home, which is a perfectly valid choice.

Anonymous wrote:This is not controversial in many countries that are very similar to ours, like Canada, the UK, Australia and most of Europe -- parental leave for 1-2 years is the default.

If that was the default here and was supported from the top down, no one would be making the argument to send infants to daycare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sah with my kids back then (woh full time now) and my biggest takeaway knowing all my kids friends, some who were in daycare, some who were home…it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. The sah kids are no more creative than daycare kids. The daycare kids don’t have better social skills. If any of them have mental health issues, they would have had them anyway. I hate these studies, they just contribute to the mommy wars. They create guilt where it’s unnecessary.

I don't know. I also have older kids now and the best students -- best grades and calmest -- in the class either had SAH moms or nannies from 0-3.

Once we know better, I don't think we (as a society) should look away from it. This is one of the reasons that most other advanced, wealthy countries encourage parental leave for 1-2 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Right. that's why our whole society needs to listen to the science on this, and support parental leave. It shouldn't be a guilt-ridden Mommy Wars issue, it should be something we all agree to do for our children.

Anonymous wrote:What’s the study? Whats the sample size? Who funded it?

Always a reason to shame women for liking their careers or (gasp reality) having to work.

I find the sahm parents or nanny parents insufferable when their kids get to school.

They have zero idea how to cut the cord and no know the color of their kids poop. The kids also seem stunted to me when it comes to making friends.

Btw I notice this when their kids are 7 and 8. I hope it gets better

Anonymous wrote:It is my current understanding that the most important thing is to have a real relationship with love and connection between parent and child. But the child must feel loved, not just be loved. Some parents do not have that skill set. I would say it is more important for that parent to gain those skill sets so the time they do spend with their children is spent making them feel loved. One hour feeling loved by your parents is much more helpful than ten hours with them feeling neutral or unloved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)

Wow, you should tell them! You have to share your wisdom.

Anonymous wrote:(also know so many many many kids with bad emotional regulation and ADHD who went through Daycare from an early age, and the parents will never make the connection. it's too far out in time.)