Anonymous wrote:Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

Why do you want a baby if you’re too busy to do any of the parenting work, you know, beyond paying strangers to do it? Is it fair to create a child who you know will have no stability of a primary caregiver? No. Nannies come and go. Children deserve better than a string of severed relationships when they require continuity of care during the early foundational years of life. Please reconsider.

No - not fair to the child. Why do you want a child at all if you want to outsource raising it?

Totally selfish.

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

You can outsource childcare but you cannot outsource child raising.

It is the best. Do it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is going to actually "outsource child raising". If they are going to raise their child, with the support of a live in nanny to provide coverage when they work, that's totally fine.

Their work demands long hours and global travel for their public health research projects.

A busy career is one thing, constant long hours and global travel is another. My father is a retired law partner. He had to work very long hours and travel a ton while I was growing up. He was very present with us when he was home, but if he’d been the default parent, my siblings and I wouldn’t have been nearly as well cared for. I don’t think a live in nanny is enough. Are there very involved grandparents or aunts/uncles? The child needs family around if a parent isn’t going to be able to prioritize spending time at home.

I’d be with you if you were willing to reduce your work hours. Because you want to keep up a heavy schedule, it’s a hard no. Nannie’s aren’t family. They can give notice. You can’t leave your child without a primary attachment figure, which is what you’d be doing. Hard pass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

No
It isn't. Why are you bothering to have a child that you are outsourcing pregnancy and birth to a surrogate and then all care to a full time and nanny. All you want is an accessory child. Get a stuffed animal! 99% of DCUM will tell you it's fine but as a child who had a parent like you. It is not ok. Do not do this!

True, we need to hear from the children of such arrangements. Not a happy childhood.

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

No
It isn't. Why are you bothering to have a child that you are outsourcing pregnancy and birth to a surrogate and then all care to a full time and nanny. All you want is an accessory child. Get a stuffed animal! 99% of DCUM will tell you it's fine but as a child who had a parent like you. It is not ok. Do not do this!

If I had a kid as a single woman I would prefer my kid have a dad than no dad. I also think you are imagining a “future dad” for the kid but that will never happen. You *might* find a good step dad but that is not the same thing. And anyway the path to do is f someone is long and tough and risky

For some reason I would not be happy if a man did this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best guy friend became a single dad by choice (foster-to-adopt) at 50. He took all the parenting classes, did the home study, etc. He retired on his 50th birthday and 2 weeks later he got the call. He fostered 2 brothers ages 6 and 3 and adopted them 14 months later. Best family I know. He is my kid's godfather.

Many ways to become a parent. I adopted my daughter at 44. SMC.

So did I!

Me too, also adopted my kid at 44, SMC.

We’re everywhere!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best guy friend became a single dad by choice (foster-to-adopt) at 50. He took all the parenting classes, did the home study, etc. He retired on his 50th birthday and 2 weeks later he got the call. He fostered 2 brothers ages 6 and 3 and adopted them 14 months later. Best family I know. He is my kid's godfather.

Many ways to become a parent. I adopted my daughter at 44. SMC.

So did I!

Me too, also adopted my kid at 44, SMC.

Anonymous wrote:Is it fair to the baby if a 35 year old busy single physician who wants a child and can afford to outsource child raising, hires a surrogate and a live in nanny to fulfill this wish?

They are tired of dating and traumatized by seeing marriages go sour and dissolve. May decide to go back to dating or marriage in future or may not. Baby will always be taken care of.

Go for it! It is fantastic.